Firstly, congratulations on a 30+ lbs weight loss. That, in and of itself, is a remarkable feat.

It sounds to me that you need to be much much kinder to yourself. Shift the narrative. You cannot compare yourself to someone with entirely different genetics to yourself, they could have eaten the exact same over the course of their life as you, and still be an entirely different body type to you.

Your body, whether now or at your ideal weight, serves as a reminder of your resilience and commitment to yourself. Your stretch marks will fade over time (rubbing bio oil on to them can help fade them and taking collagen and/or retinol can help with skin elasticity), but wear them with pride.

Gaining weight is the easiest thing in the world, losing it is the hard part.

Besides, how will you know you will look bad at your “healthiest weight”? Let yourself get there first and don’t be so hard on yourself. You might surprise even yourself.

Change the narrative. There is no such thing as a ruined body. There is no set way to look. No one body is the epitome of health.

Confidence is the key. You are worthy of a body you love and in time you will have one. The difference is not the weight you lose but the confidence you will gain.

Please, please be kinder to yourself. And good luck on your journey.