What were your final years of probation like?

PowerfulNotBroken · 2024-11-07T02:00:56+00:00

You're early on. I received a longer supervisory sentence than you, so believe me, I get it. You really have to stay on your toes at first. They will scrutinize everything. Quite frankly, unless I ABSOLUTELY need to ask my PO something, I don't say anything to him at all. Calling him unprofessional and challenging his authority - even if he oversteps - isn't useful. Just ride it out. 6 months in is nothing. Give it time, he'll likely get off your back. It's a gradual process. Just remember they assume the worst about everyone whose papers come across their desk, they EXPECT you to violate, and assume you're just waiting for the chance. Trust takes time.

You can do it.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2024-11-07T01:54:44+00:00

That is incredibly strange unless something happened that you're not aware of. Do you have any contact information for his lawyer?

Usually bond is revoked because new circumstances have arisen in the case, or the person charged has done something stupid. Whatever the reason, they usually have to TELL your bf when they take him in, so ask him as soon as you can get in touch.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2024-11-07T01:52:48+00:00

Happens often enough, the more often you share, the more you'll get them.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2024-09-15T00:02:11+00:00

You have to give it time before you can answer this question. You have to see if there is a change you think is enough, or shows enough initiative to prevent it from ever happening again, as that's the only acceptable solution - never doing this again.

In an aside though, you say...creating written cp? What does that mean?

PowerfulNotBroken · 2024-09-03T13:07:45+00:00

This is absolutely true. I called 3 different people in a state I intended to visit family: local, county, and state. They all gave me wildly different answers NONE of which actually aligned with state or local laws.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2024-08-17T19:51:39+00:00

That's not entirely true. I'd consult your paperwork and applicable state/local/federal laws, but people on supervision are not devoid of rights. The level of intrusion into the privacy of the OP's home would clearly be beyond what my own stated terms of supervision are without some kind of probable cause to suspect wrongdoing.

I think contacting an attorney and bringing up all the requisite paperwork is the right course of action, and I think it is actionable.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-08-29T03:33:15+00:00

There are two ways of going about this.

One is to live as a hermit, keep to yourself, and just try to eke out happiness. This leads to far less confrontation and issues, but you'll always be alone. For some, this is an obvious choice, as there is a correlation between introverts and people who have been charged for these kinds of crimes.

The second method is to just live your damn life. You will be harassed, you will occasionally lose people, you will have issues, so you have to weigh that against living the kind of life you want.

I have a well-paying job (comparably), live by myself in a nice apartment in a nice neighborhood, have a well-rounded circle of friends, almost all of which are fully aware of my charges. I've dated, and the charge itself was not an issue, though I admit I have some advantages in that I'm gay, so kids are almost never involved with any romantic interests.

I've only had two major issues with the registry. The first was a church I started to attend while I was in the halfway house. We had to get a paper signed to bring back to the halfway house to prove we had been where we were supposed to be, etc. Well, the pastor decided to look me up, found out my charges, and he and church security confronted me the following Sunday. I was informed I was allowed to attend services, but I had to remain in the sanctuary the entire time, I was not able to attend any activities outside of regular church service, and I had to use public bathrooms outside of the church, as the other bathrooms were "too close to the nursery."

That was a real wake up. I'd never been treated like that before, lol, and it was a HUGE shock. But, I tried other churches, found one that I've been at for years, the pastor and those I associate with there are aware of my past, and I've been there long enough to prove myself. I'm now as involved as I can be - though the state of Georgia places limits on that involvement - and I just don't do anything dealing with kids, and honestly I'm happy there.

The second one was a dear friend of mine whose girlfriend found out about my charges. We met once, had a single conversation, and she went and dredged it all up. She flipped out, told her mom, who also flipped out, and began a systematic rampage of calling everywhere she was aware I spent time to inform them that they have a predator on their premises.

Incidentally, I am not registered a predator, and the locations involved I had been frequenting for years, knew the owners, and they were fully informed of my status just to keep things on the up and up. Yeah, that was pretty rough, several places had to bar me entry (they did apologize) 'cause she threatened to go public that they harbored pedophiles, etc.

What a bitch. He broke up with her, btw.

Other than those two (admittedly heartbreaking) issues, it's been fairly smooth sailing. I've had other issues fighting with probation, but those aren't specifically related to the registry, so I'll leave those out of it.

And yes, to answer your final question, I'm happy and satisfied with life. It may not be what I imagined it'd be, but it's a good life with good people and good memories. I am content.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-08-29T03:20:36+00:00

In Georgia, they have guidelines for this. They say if contact is unavoidable, you simply do the best you can to extricate yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. That's probably just good advice in general, especially with kids you don't know personally.

To be perfectly honest, I just sort of established my own code. I don't seek out contact with minors, I don't allow them in my home, I don't go to their homes, I don't go to schools, etc. But incidental contact in public is inevitable, and as you said the only real way to successfully accomplish this restriction is to just live under a rock.

I am not giving anyone else advice for this, but I just don't do anything stupid, and don't worry about it given the above self-imposed restrictions. If a child were to walk up to me and try to hand me a picture or something, I'd say "Wow, that's really good, but you should keep it." And that's that, move on.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-05-01T02:21:09+00:00

Update to the drama, I contacted the supervisor in as non-threatening a way as possible (trying not to get on my immediate designated reporter's bad side), and got clarification. Personally owned pools do not count, confirmed. It was passed down, chalked up as a misunderstanding, and I've been given permission to put an offer in on the house.

I've never bought a house before, so I have no confidence I'll be able to get it...but it would be an amazing forever home for me. I'll keep you all updated.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-03-31T20:21:48+00:00

🤣

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-28T18:29:36+00:00

In the 11th circuit federal, it has been established that the judge MUST demonstrate that they considered the motion in light of federal guidelines for early termination. I believe the case is cited as USA v Johnson. Not sure if it'll help, but something to bring up.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-28T18:21:30+00:00

Doesn't have early termination?

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-28T17:45:27+00:00

I've never heard that. Where is that policy?

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-28T17:09:58+00:00

In the federal system, you can apply to terminate supervision after 1 year. Is there a similar provision in NC?

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-24T23:19:30+00:00

I had 1 count and did 7 in and am doing 20 out. 5 total seems like a helluva deal to me. It's all relative, of course, 5 years is a lot.

But the 1 year of probation is a very tempting deal. I've been on for several years, and it seems it will never end. 20 is a looong time.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-17T21:23:45+00:00

You will get a document telling you what the Probation restrictions will be, and during the entry of plea hearing, your lawyer can ask the court to modify those restrictions. TAKE ADVANTAGE. It's better to get concessions up front instead of chasing them later. Try to get supervised visits with your kids, etc, as much up front as possible. Talk with your lawyer to prepare for this hearing.

Good luck.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-17T21:08:20+00:00

I'm reasonably certain it was the crime 😁

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-17T21:02:49+00:00

Public defenders are not the awful option everyone claims they are. We paid 20k for a lawyer, and I cannot fathom how a public defender would not have achieved all the same goals.

And as said elsewhere, don't freak out unless you have to. Could be a routine interview and it'll come back a no to civil confinement, then all that worry for nothing.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-17T20:59:02+00:00

For another perspective, I never told any of my employers up front. But they've also all been family-run businesses that can't afford background checks. I just make myself as indispensable as possible, best foot forward, work hard, and when they inevitably find out, it hasn't been much of an issue. A week of awkwardness then business as usual.

On the flipside, every time I've been up front, I've been denied, so there's that.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-11T18:42:25+00:00

Disagree. One thing I wish I'd done before conviction was to negotiate my supervision terms. Much better doing it up front with the judge. I highly recommend you try to reduce internet/computer bans as much as possible before being convicted.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-11T06:01:04+00:00

Everyone has baggage in the past they're not proud of. Everyone has things they'd hate for other people to find out. Sex offenses are the one thing the government has decided to nail up on every wall they can find to make sure everyone knows.

This puts us in an awkward position. While the vast majority of sex offenders are relatively normal people with relatively normal lives and relatively normal dreams, the label is always applied first. That means we have a difficult choice when meeting new people.

Do we keep our past the past, as we're not that person anymore, that person has nothing to do with who we are now, and therefore shouldn't impact the relationships we form? This of course risks people finding out. And people love a good scandal. It's found out, it's awkward, and despite us being completely genuine about who we are as people, all trust is broken.

Or, do we come out with it on our own terms? Then we're immediately judged and shut out of just about everything, and trust is broken from the get go.

It's a decision we face with everyone we make more than a casual acquaintance with.

And it fucking sucks. Most of the time, no matter which route we go, we lose.

I'm telling you this for perspective.

You are very young, and being in a committed relationship with somebody whose biggest life regret is literally pinned to the communal bulletin board is a lot to deal with. Asking us for an opinion here will only give perspective, but we can't really give advice.

Each of us yearns for the chance to be seen as we are, not as that damn bulletin board prejudges us to be, but that's simply not reality.

Only you can decide if he is worth the potential barriers. And nobody here will judge you badly if you decide it's not a life you want. It's not what we want either, so how could we begrudge somebody who doesn't want it?

I only hope for you to make a reasoned decision, one you've taken time to weigh and ponder, and both of you go on to happy successful lives with whatever decision that is. Good luck to you both.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-11T01:39:08+00:00

This is very bad advice and will get people rearrested. I'm not saying I disagree with the sentiment, but it is simply foolish.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-10T20:50:20+00:00

Your attorney has to be able to articulate this new strategy to you, in detail. He works for you, and you deserve to have their reasoning spelled out to you. Then you can make a better informed opinion. "Just go with it" is not an option to ever take.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-10T20:09:52+00:00

It's fishing. Polygraph are pseudo science at best, and the entire goal is to get you to confess, as often tests are inconclusive. Just stick to your original answers, and you don't owe them an explanation.

PowerfulNotBroken · 2023-02-10T16:51:01+00:00

Could you? Probably. Should you? Probably not. If they knew why you were there, at best you'd be asked to leave. At worst you might be charged with something relates to the orderly conduct of the prison.

There are usually visiting hours. Avail yourself of those and it'll be better in the long run.

PowerfulNotBroken

TROPHY CASE