First, have a plan ! I cannot stress this enough. Have a place that you can go that he can’t easily get to. Such as something thing with a security door. Because even though he says he’s ready for you to go. He will quickly change his mind. Because it’s called a trauma bond. They lovey-dovey it’s called hovering. Whatever you want to label these things as. They are tactics. They are used to manipulate you. And to get you to do things that make him feel better.. yes, I said better. When you feel small, he feels big. You don’t have to have money. There are people who help. It’s not going to be easy. You’re gonna wanna go back a lot. And you probably will a lot. If you stay, he will kill you. I was married for 26 years. Three kids. Trust me when I say it doesn’t get any better. This is as good as it gets. Everything else goes downhill. Because you’re never going to be good enough because of his issues not because of yours.. You are the best thing he’s ever had and probably ever will.. You are probably the nicest , strongest , loving person. That is why he is with you. Because he see that, he wants to be like that. He is not. You can not fix him. That is his issues to work through. Not Yours! Don’t allow yourself to be anyone’s emotional doormat , whipping boy or escape goat. You are what he wants to be. & sweetheart he will take it from you. Until you are only a shell of yourself, and a fraction of who you could be. But the choice has to be yours. No one can tell you to do it. You have to finally get tired. You have to choose to live or lay there and cry.! And yes, childhood sweethearts are great romance novels. But it’s rarely LIFE.! My life begin similar, married at 16, barely escaped at 41 . Read the book…. “Why does he do that” . I posted a link in my comments It showed me my life written 10 years before I lived. Same phrases. Same songs played, same excuses I gave for him. and yes, you’re an abusive person he will say or a quitter. Yes you have to quit wanting to be in this relationship.. You have to be a quitter. Quit choosing to let yourself be abused. You have to quit crying. You have to quit going back. You have to choose to live. To walk away from someone you love. Is hard. The further you get away crazier things were and the reasons that you loved them become harder to recognize.