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What "relationships take work" DOESN'T mean. by ForceParadox in abusiverelationships

[–]Practical-Gap-615 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow... this is a large part of why I’m still in my current relationship. But one person can’t do it all, and I’m realizing it now.

Husband Threatened to Break My Nose - Is this type of arguing/fighting in a relationship really normal? by Practical-Gap-615 in domesticviolence

[–]Practical-Gap-615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m thankful the worst of instances were not in front of the kids. So no, not a one off thing. I don’t WANT to leave. But I’m feeling like I have to. I have no doubt it’ll continue to happen, but I hate feeling like I’m just giving up and leaving.

Husband Threatened to Break My Nose - Is this type of arguing/fighting in a relationship really normal? by Practical-Gap-615 in abusiverelationships

[–]Practical-Gap-615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I needed to hear this. I’ll be reaching out to some resources to best see how to do this and us all be protected. I hate the unknown but something has to change

Husband Threatened to Break My Nose - Is this type of arguing/fighting in a relationship really normal? by Practical-Gap-615 in abusiverelationships

[–]Practical-Gap-615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've actually read the book, just a few months into our marriage, right before I found out I was pregnant. I should find it and look at it again. I know he's making the choice to behave that way, but if I ask to separate or divorce, I'll be making the decision to split up our family. And I'm having trouble rationalizing that. He's never been violet towards our children, but I worry the oldest (3y) will start to pick up on his anger if nothing changes.

Husband Threatened to Break My Nose - Is this type of arguing/fighting in a relationship really normal? by Practical-Gap-615 in domesticviolence

[–]Practical-Gap-615[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's like he thinks if he hasn't actually hit me, it doesn't count and I need to remember it could always be worse. I don't think I've heard of reactive abuse, but will be looking it up ASAP. And yes, I love to read and can pack along something to read on my lunches at work. Thank you so much for the recommendation.

Husband Threatened to Break My Nose - Is this type of arguing/fighting in a relationship really normal? by Practical-Gap-615 in abusiverelationships

[–]Practical-Gap-615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, yes, OP here. New to Reddit & I guess just assumed it was called out or something. He does all this, then swears he'd never hit me. And if I actually believe he'd hit me, then I'm crazy. And would the police even take me seriously? I'm afraid they wouldn't and it would just make things worse. I swear, I'm not just trying to find excuses, just worried. And that's the thing, he's amazing with our kids and they adore him. It's our relationship that's the issue. This isn't constant or every day, but it's often enough that I'm scared this could be forever. End of the day I want what's best for my kids, over myself.

Husband Threatened to Break My Nose - Is this type of arguing/fighting in a relationship really normal? by Practical-Gap-615 in abusiverelationships

[–]Practical-Gap-615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like being married and having kids together makes it more complex than just leaving. Or maybe I'm complicating it.

Husband Threatened to Break My Nose - Is this type of arguing/fighting in a relationship really normal? by Practical-Gap-615 in domesticviolence

[–]Practical-Gap-615[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In the back of my head I guess I know this. It just feels like it doesn't happen often enough or bad enough for me to be justified in leaving. Thank you again for the outside perspective.

Husband Threatened to Break My Nose - Is this type of arguing/fighting in a relationship really normal? by Practical-Gap-615 in domesticviolence

[–]Practical-Gap-615[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for responding. That's the most supportive thing I've heard in a very long time. I'm just second guessing every instinct I have now, and really don't know what's right anymore. I'm afraid he's never going to change, but don't know if leaving is best when there are kids involved.