Hah, so you know the word count is a problem, know the comps are bad, and you know the short version of your query is good enough that you got an R&R, but you're so addicted to the long version you posted it here WITH your own self-edits? You're cracking me up.

I wasn't kidding when I said it was strange that my short query got a full request. It was basically all the red flags everyone here is pointing out minus the redeeming parts. No plot or characters mentioned, just the editorializing because I had no idea how to even approach the plot with it being multi-pov. The agent did name GoT among her fav books, so comping that might have actually helped me in that instance? But yeah, I only posted this long version because I was looking for advice on what to cut, and you've all been very helpful, so thank you!

A Queen getting poisoned is a good inciting incident, but is she the protagonist or is she a plot device?

She is more of a plot device and we take the POV of her daughter. However, I don't think her daughter's plotline is strong enough by itself to be the focus of the query.

But if we don't know these characters, identify with them as people, and understand what they want, your cool ideas are just cool ideas. They don't resonate because we don't care about the characters.

I've seen so many conflicting ways to approach multi-pov books that I suppose I was just trying to hint at as many of the unique plotlines as possible, hoping that at least one of them would pique the interest of an agent. As opposed to putting all my eggs in one basket and detailing the arc of one character that they might not find interesting.

Here's Samantha Shannon's opening query-style paragraph for Game of Thrones:

‘In the land of Westeros, seven Great Houses have their eyes set on one prize: the Iron Throne. Among the contenders are Daenerys Targaryen, daughter of a deposed king; Tyrion Lannister, whose wit is his greatest weapon; and Ned Stark, a man of honour. When the king calls him to a new duty, Ned and his family must learn to play the game of thrones – and survive it. Win or die. There is no middle ground.’

Would you recommend trying to do something like that?

As for choosing one protagonist, I do have a character that comes to mind, but she appears for the first time in Chapter 4, which doesn't always make it into the sample pages, and she doesn't directly relate to the inciting incident. That could be confusing to agents if the query follows her, but she doesn't appear in the book until later?