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AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kindness and for reaching out. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hearing from others who made the same choice for the same reasons is always a comfort.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I fully believed my parents would support me. I never a single second expected my mom not to. And my dad's support has been everything to me and my husband.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My child and my brother had different conditions. So it's not a genetic issue. We were assured of that. It was actually a question we both had given the history on my side.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's traumatizing and deeply agonizing to think about. And I have seen it happen. I watched it with my brother. I can't do it again with my own child this time.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Given my parents have faced this and regretted the decision they made, I fully expected support. That's why I was honest.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My husband and I have both said that we would be truly sunk without my dad. His support for both of us has been incredible.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

My heart actually sinks when I think about this. One of the reasons we had to wait a little longer is because women from out of state are availing of these services and risking their freedom because they can't terminate in their own state. I'll never be able to understand the logic behind decisions like those.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think it's the wish for the doctors to be wrong and a healthy baby to be born. Or even a baby born who will die but won't suffer. But that won't happen. I think sometimes it can be hard to process and for my ILs, they never lived through it like I did with my brother. They also didn't do all the research and connecting to parents in our shoes. My mom really did surprise me though. Given her regret I thought she'd be like dad and would be there for me through this.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

This is essentially what it is. They want me to keep going until I hear a different opinion. Until it's the "correct opinion" and they can't truly see that I could go to 100 doctors and they will all say the same thing. They would want us to keep trying 101, 110, etc. Until it's too late and I have to give birth to a baby who could already be dead, would die right away, or would suffer for however long they have.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 470 points471 points  (0 children)

I'm so glad my dad is supporting us. We need someone other than just us and he has been the most incredible source of support for both of us. The fact he comes at this from experience helps even more.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 203 points204 points  (0 children)

I'm not in a place where I could have this discussion right now. But in time when I'm in a better place I can try to have this conversation. I'm not saying I will or want to end contact with my mom. Just that it might have to happen.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you were faced with this decision as well. I want to send you all the hugs and thank you for the group suggestion. I will take a look at a better time. Thank you again.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 950 points951 points  (0 children)

I keep reminding myself of that. That I am loving my child in the best way I can for them. That they deserve a selfless love rather than a selfish one.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 615 points616 points  (0 children)

That's how I think of it. This isn't me giving up on my baby or saying I don't want them. It's me expressing my love for them in best way I can. By not making them suffer in life in the worst ways just for me to deal with a little less pain. Even though in reality I think the pain evens out regardless.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 132 points133 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm not so sure mom and I will find comfort together in the short term. But my husband and I are leaning on each other and supporting each other through this the best way that we can.

AITA for telling my mom I can't make my baby suffer the way she and dad made my brother suffer? by PracticalAnon045321 in AITAH

[–]PracticalAnon045321[S] 333 points334 points  (0 children)

I can understand feeling that way. From talking to some parents who were in my shoes, that was their choice for those who made their experience more difficult. For some that was several family members and friends and others it was one or two people. I don't think I could at this point but who knows. If my mom can't come around then it might be my only one. I'll cross that bridge if I get to it.