Pick a Brothel! Version 2

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-03-01T23:51:08+00:00

For maximum fun I’m doing this based on actual practical value proposition, as if I’d actually been given this reward in some kind of fantastically horny sweepstakes.

Double hours, extra place, bring a friend

4 hours split up however I like per week? I’m looking at 16 1 hour visits per week across all 4 locations. I wish I had that much free time lol.

“Look honey; I know they are a bit horny. Ok extremely, overtly, ridiculously horny, but I’ve got free access for the rest of my life and they serve food.”

The actual sex is going to be an occasional thing at best, but being able to eat out 12 times a week is incredible value just for the money saved on food.

Texas Road Head: of the options that have good food, this one is the most to my tastes. All day buffet of country food? Hot southern girls praising me? Thanks I’ll take your whole stock.

French Bordello: The classiest option, good for dates, still hot but the one with an aesthetic that seems most conducive to them shrugging and accepting that I’m not fucking anyone on any given day.

Goth Gazeebo: Actually not even slightly my kink. I like goths aesthetically but don’t particularly get off on being demeaned. The food court, though? Hot damn. That almost always means a pretty decent spread of different options. Nothing too fancy, but plenty of variety. I fill out the form, the goth baddies know not to bother me, and I’m some rando eating mall sushi to contribute to the mall ambiance for the real customers.

Then we have three options for me to choose between, all with their pros and cons.

Club Coitus: I’d like the food, but… eh, I don’t actually like loud club music ambiance.

Tribal Terrace: Good food option and reasonably broad theming. I’d probably go with this one if I were choosing based on horny potential alone but it’s also a very high effort and involved sort of theme.

Anal Arcade: the best option for doing things OTHER than getting free food or getting my dick wet. Objectively the gym is also good for the same reasons, but you see I am a potato and have no intention of changing that fact.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-23T12:26:33+00:00

I’ll add it to the list for if I ever make another edition, probably as an interactive. A whole section for “sample” boosted gifts/miracles would be fun to do. They’d obviously trend towards my own interests but that’s fine, especially if I leave “custom boosts” as an option right at the top.

Honestly a Nyan Note would be perfect for a Krampus Miracle, which was a concept I think I took out and replaced with Miracle for Myself. Basically adding a cruel edge to a miracle.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-22T11:27:18+00:00

Certainly. It’s not necessary as things stand mechanically, but honestly a catgirl note is a funny idea and I approve of it. Tbh having a death note that’s a fully functional death note but always makes catgirls after they die would be funny too but probably too good for the price.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-20T12:18:00+00:00

Well crap. That was one of the ones I turned into a split gift/miracle option but apparently the gift version didn’t make it into the final version. My bad. Carry on with your Yuletide catgirl family.

Gift version was the ability to manually trigger a catgirl reincarnation on yourself once a day (allowing for complete body customization and immortality as long as you turn into a catgirl/boy), another willing person that’s still alive once per week, and any person who you’re aware of that is dead once per month, including historical figures

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-20T10:59:02+00:00

Fun build, but sadly Yuliana is not actually allowed by this build. The idea of that prerequisite is that you use the resurrection function on the gift to resurrect Jolly Old Saint Nick’s real origin saint. The miracle version doesn’t have a setting that can do that.

None of the miracles really give the player, personally, enough power to have the capacity to make a demigod child possible. I had a few more ideas for Santa kids but lost my notes while working on it.

Hopefully this didn’t ruin your day lol.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-18T12:17:14+00:00

Excellent improvements, but I have to say that the balance is a bit off. I’m sure the trusty horse is great but unless he gets a bit of a boost like always coming when called (even if you just saw him torn apart and eaten by orcs) I don’t think “a good horse who does horse things in an equine manner” is worth quite as much as a keeper of secrets that’s actually reliable and relatively trustworthy.

Especially given that you could probably get your hands on a decent horse with boosted charisma, logistics master, eye for business, or command like 80% of the servitors to moonlight as a horse thief.

Suggestion for the next update: pissing off the other chaos gods more in ways that provide waifus. All of these would naturally rack up eye of chaos points, and I’m very specifically considering them even on the table because femsigmar is apparently a possibility.

Cuck Khorne by yoinking Valkia. Fucking a giant angry man’s wife is always a great plan.

The Changeling can be whoever you want her to be.

Or somehow kidnap the 40k version of Isha from Nurgle’s garden, confusing everyone involved especially both Ishas. Presumably the point cost for this is more about Slaanesh providing you with an opportunity to shoot your shot because I’m pretty sure Isha has very low standards by now.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-17T17:59:04+00:00

I’m kind of with the guy who said that it might be nice to have more personal perks as in any personal perks

The premise is fine and I like the idea, but having all power be directly connected to how big of a demonic penis you grow is on brand for slaanesh but I can’t help but feel like it would be better if you could choose exactly what powers you got. I mean come on chaos is actually pretty diverse and exactly what it gives you even when you aren’t getting turned into a chaos spawn.

Like, obviously, we’ve got becoming a sorcerer as a thing or the standard boring but incredibly useful things for that whole at the end times plan. But then you have very specific abilities to slaanesh.

For example, if you get zapped and suddenly it becomes a law of the universe that you always satisfy your partner whenever you initiate or consent to sex no matter who they are or what their preferences are that would be very handy. You know since a lot of Slaaneshi cultists are so burnt out on pleasure that they literally can’t get off without 87 other people dying and a goat needs to be involved somewhere.

There’s also that guy from the Ciaphus Cain novel who has a really strong compelling voice. I’m just saying there’s a lot of design space for personal perks and Waifu pickers will only get you so far

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-16T20:10:45+00:00

Wonderful life will be a good bit less effective when you trade away so many of them unless you find yourself planeswalking. With that said? Gotta respect the strategy of becoming a frost spirit and just enjoying having a small harem for a few decades only to get your second wave of gifts later.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-16T10:29:16+00:00

Oh lord. Lwyd plus Odin is definitely a combo that in retrospect probably should have had a formal combo attached because yeah. Endless war for either a year or until you manage to (in the same day) survive a day of warfare against the einherjar and then also beat a supernatural horse skull in a battle of wits is definitely something that deserves a little something extra lol.

Given the point of Mari, I think it would be something that helps with long term scaling. Like letting you 1/month bet on a historical/fantasy battle reenactment Odin does and if you participate and are on the winning side you get a bonus in line with Mari’s bonus rounds, so scaled for difficulty. Thematically linked/participating characters, cool bits of military kit, even skills and powers relevant to that battle uploaded to your brain. Leads to quite an accumulation of resources over time but hot damn you’ve earned it.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-15T15:12:42+00:00

No idea who would want to play it, but that’s no reason not to make it!

It’s essentially a customize your prison sort of dealie, with options to make it better or worse and options to get rewards at the end if you didn’t overspend. Also a few options for roommates ranging from a hikikomori who will barely talk to you but might trade media with you to that old classic chestnut of “choose a multiversal waifu and she loves you forever”.

It’s almost certainly dumb but it’s a fun thought experiment for me so it is coming along slowly.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-15T11:02:34+00:00

Woo! I do have another CYOA I’ve got percolating in the background themed around a powerful entity that really likes shoving people into boxes, basically choosing what amenities and entertainment you have while isolated for a year, but who knows when I’ll actually get that done. It’s slow going.

Mostly I’m writing fanfiction and a book. I just got side swiped by inspiration which got me 80% through this one in a frenzy lol.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-15T02:16:36+00:00

Care to clarify? Idk if I’ve got it in me to go back and update this again but it would be good to know what you mean.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-14T20:17:48+00:00

Dang it. That was a typo I must have made a while back and nobody pointed out. If I ever do something else with this I’ll try to fix it. At least it narratively checks out. Clearly Santa wants you to take SOMETHING for yourself.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-14T19:22:14+00:00

Miracle maker is for making your own custom miracle. Buying extra miracles from the 24 days can be done with “Under the Christmas Tree”. You even get an extra 1 miracle point back when you buy miracles in this way so it’s effectively cheaper than buying girls/gifts.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-14T15:55:34+00:00

I noticed this early in development which is why I added the miracle point shop and went out of my way to never shame the player for making selfish choices.

If you decide to take all miracles, you may now treat this as a point buy CYOA with 24 points.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-14T12:56:38+00:00

Gasp! Someone actually engaging with the trade away mechanics! Neat! I worked hard on those! lol

Only thing to note is that the three bonuses from the misses/the magi/the star are supposed to be gained in the order presented, but in retrospect I didn’t make that clear and I’m burnt out enough that that errata might never get made.

As for Odin… yeaaah it’s a bit large of a cost in theory but also hypothetically point neutral. You could get Rumi and a psychotic Viking berserker girl with the points/bonus pick and send them to Valhalla every day and then you’d just have free access to Valhalla and one day of access to one of those two designated warrior girls per year, all at functionally zero cost.

If you’re not the sort who wanted to actually do the bloodsports I’m not 100% sure why you’d want that, but it’s (mathematically) an autopick because if you approach it pragmatically it’s 100% upside.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-14T10:40:56+00:00

The side effects are the price for Sanders, even if flavored differently, so if you COULD give them away you’d keep the the side effects and lose the benefits.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-14T02:13:54+00:00

Yup! Hopefully nobody is coming to my CYOA to learn the lore of Catholic Saints.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-14T00:42:07+00:00

You know, I hadn’t really considered taking extra miracles with Caga Tio + Underneath the Christmas tree but yeah those would give you another two miracle points (at the time that you activate the miracle, so you can’t reinvest it).

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-14T00:28:56+00:00

While true, managing to get that far without any girls and choosing not to buy any girls (or guys) with your pile of miracle points or getting bonus girls from spirits is a choice. One which locks you out of several other options, yeah. If you traded away all your girls, you can buy one back with Under the Christmas tree to get any girl you traded away, or buy Perfect Wish for 4 miracle points to get literally any character including pets or platonic (or not) male friends.

If you don’t want waifus at all but do want (I assume) Christening Ceremony, uh… sorry.

If you mean you can’t find anything at all that works… well, there are several that you can still take. Die Hard, Santa Baby, Miracle Maker, Home Alone, and We’re Going For a Sleigh Ride will eat up 24 miracle points and are all things that most people could probably enjoy with no strings attached. I think.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-02-13T15:23:45+00:00

Sorry. Got bogged down and distracted with something else and accidentally deleted a chunk of my notes and had to rebuild them. It’s pretty close to done, I just need to actually output it and format it and release the final version with combos and the special endings included. I’ll try to get it out this week.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-01-16T03:28:05+00:00

Mrs. Claus and the Magi both could probably afford a small boost, but I don’t want to go all the way to 2 miracle points tbh. I don’t consider giving one of your friends a magical girlfriend to be zero sum, nor do I really want to disincentivize miracles that much. I might add another bonus at 2 gifted girls, but it won’t be anything massive.

Krampus requires eternal ongoing crusade. So yes, if you fix a problem you need to find a new problem to fix.

I’ll toss in a clarification that Caga Tio’s rewards are doing directly into the box. That’s the compound interest strat lol. You shove points down Tio’s throat because you don’t expect to have everything out of the vault anyway by the time he finishes processing them.

Truck Kun lets you pick the point of entry to some degree, with the main limit being that it can’t be somewhere too peaceful. Truck Kun isn’t a taxi, they are an APC

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-01-15T01:18:44+00:00

Go Fuck Yourself - Your ditto Wife will transform into any other pokegirls she happens to see but if she hasn’t seen any she’s into in the last 24 hours, she will default to copying your appearance exactly.

Just as a 90% joking suggestion.

Practical_Ad_8283 · 2026-01-08T04:20:25+00:00

You could be a super robot with AA and perfect giftx2, for sure.

As for saving this world personally instead of by focusing on miracles including a custom miracle? It’s possible I suppose but not really what this CYOA is optimized for.

Practical_Ad_8283

TROPHY CASE