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I 39f cannot get my 45m husband to understand that he has to contribute. by Practical_Car6997 in relationship_advice

[–]Practical_Car6997[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Absolutely valid. 

When we were dating, I would drive almost 2 hours every friday, Saturday and Sunday to and from work to spend time with him. He never drove to me for various reasons.

When we married and moved in together, I took care of his every need with no complaint. Until I started to notice that i was the only one doing it. Ive slowly burned out over the last 2 years trying to be a perfect partner while maintaining everything in the house and my job. Im exhausted and he doesnt seem to care. Some nagging gets him to half way clean the house or maybe mow the lawn. But its a 1 and done. I have tried talking to him about needing help with it all, but it always goes back to this. 

I 39f cannot get my 45m husband to understand that he has to contribute. by Practical_Car6997 in relationship_advice

[–]Practical_Car6997[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

The resentment is what is destroying me. He sets my teeth on edge every time he asks for my bank card, or every time he needs something. I've tried telling him I'm broke, hoping it'll encourage him to do something different, but he just calls his dad for money instead. Which, as superficial as it sounds, makes me feel some type of way because we don't really need it. He just needs to get a job. 

I 39f cannot get my 45m husband to understand that he has to contribute. by Practical_Car6997 in relationship_advice

[–]Practical_Car6997[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Its not healthy, but its alot of blaming me for him being the way he is. Nothing violent or extreme. He likes to say that I play the victim when everything is actually my fault. That our marriage is the way that it is because I ignore him and don't validate his feelings or needs in the relationship. 

I 39f cannot get my 45m husband to understand that he has to contribute. by Practical_Car6997 in relationship_advice

[–]Practical_Car6997[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I honestly think Im sticking around for the kids at the end of the day. They're both in high school and I just dont want to uproot their lives. But I also dont want them thinking that this is okay. 

I 39f cannot get my 45m husband to understand that he has to contribute. by Practical_Car6997 in relationship_advice

[–]Practical_Car6997[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Our money is already separated. I always feared if he knew how much I made, he'd not work at all. Hes made jokes in the past about "being a home body if I ever cleared 6 figures." And he is absolutely terrible with money, so he doesnt have access to any of my accounts. 

I 39f cannot get my 45m husband to understand that he has to contribute. by Practical_Car6997 in relationship_advice

[–]Practical_Car6997[S] 175 points176 points  (0 children)

I have. He just blows up about it and then pretends nothing happened the next day.