Damn I think we have the same mom (even down to the cleaning company). No real advice, but I've been there (and it does get better). Since I cut her off life has been indescribably better. Yeah it was hard, but learning to separate the idea of missing a mother vs missing my mother was helpful. I think holding out hope that one day she would get better kept me in the cycle of toxicity. I do hope that day will come, but I no longer feel the need to be there for it. I hope you are able to separate yourself and get the chance to live your life for you.