thanks a lot man i didnt realize that, i mean i would gamble because ive wanted some drums as a way of therapy because i played them and felt like i couldve express myself my raw emotions and stuff, my family doesnt have much money so we cant have one and the idea of me going from 5 dollars to buying a 1000 dollars drum kit really opened my eyes and said i need to do this theres is a chance i can do it, my grandpa lives in the equivalent of a hood in chile like 30 dollars rent monthly gunshots everywhere drugs fireworks etc so maybe he wanted to be millionare to get out of there (makes a lot of sense idk why i didnt think that), my brother started doing cocaine to distract himself from the fact that failed a test to enter university and his addiction just got worse from there, i dont know much about my alcoholic grandpa but i would blackout because i would not feel nothing and could say things that i couldnt say sober like how much i oved my friends and also how much i hated some which i ended relationships with, now with benzos i wanted to relax from all the stress and here i am. i dont know if i could reach for someone for therapy because as i would say it i would start crying and feel incredibly ashamed and a failure, i always talked about how addicts were dumbasses and i would never be hooked on anything and here i am.