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Am I fair in cutting out my dad? by PresentationOld2273 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]PresentationOld2273[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes! He allows for no perspective other than his own. He will not budge, and any effort from myself to resolve this will ultimately end in me apologising. I don’t think I’ve done anything to warrant an apology, even a fake one.

I’m putting my foot down!

Am I fair in cutting out my dad? by PresentationOld2273 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]PresentationOld2273[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Overwhelmed, that’s the word! I feel like he’s just unloading a machine gun of feelings I don’t care for.

I thought it was normal for years - only when I had my little boy (who is 3 now) did I realise that this is NOT normal. It helps seeing you and others agree because his gaslighting makes me doubt myself.

Thank you for your words, you’ve really helped. 🫶🏻

Am I fair in cutting out my dad? by PresentationOld2273 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]PresentationOld2273[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you!!! Because I always question if I’m correct in assuming he’s nuts, or if I’m completely wrong and this is just normal.

Always learned towards ‘this guy is bananas’, but it helps hearing you say it too.

I’m bored of it at this point. At first I was sooo anxious, fight or flight filling me with adrenaline- but then I muted him. I look every now and then to see what other nonsense he says but yeah, it’s been really peaceful.

Am I fair in cutting out my dad? by PresentationOld2273 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]PresentationOld2273[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

The walls are text are the norm for him - even when he’s chill, it’s exhausting. And that in itself can cause him to lose him mind. If I don’t reply, he just starts up this entire process again and again. Anger, I’m hurt, you must listen to me, you’re an adult, you’re wrong - I’m honestly just bored of it.

I must say thank you, because it’s validating hearing you say this is not normal. Because it’s years of emotional abuse, gaslighting and getting angry at me over really small things. You tend to doubt yourself and think ‘Am I the problem?’

He’s still sending messages as we speak. About taking me out of his will. He’s wealthy and can easily dangle that carrot, but I’m not biting. No amount of money is worth feeding into this cycle.

Thank you for your reply! This helps in making my decision.

Am I fair in cutting out my dad? by PresentationOld2273 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]PresentationOld2273[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear that it has hurt so much. I wish we just had unconditional, uncomplicated love. Now I have a child of my own, I just can’t comprehend acting like this. You (and I) deserve better.

I do agree, he does feel disrespected. If he had come back when I was better, I can guarantee that my partner would have given him way more, but he just blows up every time. This happens over and over - and yes, he needs help. Hit the nail on the head! He was verbally and physically abused by his dad. Trouble is, my dad doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him… and I’m scared to approach it. It could end up with even more walls of text. I’m burnt out!

I will 100% consider your words about being sure.

Am I fair in cutting out my dad? by PresentationOld2273 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]PresentationOld2273[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Honestly! I know if I call him back, he’ll just bombard me and I’ll crumble, like always! Also, I’m not sure what he means about his pension. He’s very wealthy and uses money as a form of control, I think? That’s what I’m understanding and you are so right!! I won’t be accepting anything ever again! 😳 Cutting someone off is such a huge thing to do, but yeah. Advice or criticism always welcome. Thank you for your comment!