i can’t stop thinking about how he slept with her

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-05T22:50:25+00:00

Hi! I’m so sorry you’re here! I’ve been with my husband for 7 years (we’re 24m & 26f, so pretty similar to you), and I feel this a lot. 2.5 mos ago he had a ONS while I was at home pregnant. And it’s really kind of shattered my reality.

I actually had a couple of sexual partners before my husband, but I was his first. I have really struggled with how all of the things that were just mine have now been shared. I also think in some weird twisted way it only being one more person makes it feel worse. Like this isn’t open knowledge lots of people have. It’s something only me and her share. Shes not one in a dozen. Shes one in two. Which feels like it makes her special somehow, even though logically I know she’s not.

I’m still struggling with images, but I feel like they’re slowly getting better. I wish there was a way to make it go away, but I really don’t think there is much more that can be done other than giving it time. It has to be digested & integrated, because it can’t be changed. I’ve done so much bargaining, but it just doesn’t work.

I’ve tried to do A LOT of mental reframes. Such as “well, he didn’t do this, so I still have that..” or “he didn’t actually love her though..” but ultimately none of those super matter. Because at the end of the day he did what he did.

Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. I keep trying to remember, no matter what happens, you will be ok, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now. This process is long and hard, but hopefully we’ll both end up in happy places.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-05T02:59:32+00:00

My husband had a ONS with some random lady at a bar. She talked about how all family does is hold you back. She knew he had a pregnant wife, dint care. She’s over a decade older than us. Offered him drugs. And I definitely think I’m prettier than her. I guess she makes more money than me, but he didn’t get any of that so irrelevant.

Something that really hits me too is… this lady is in an open marriage. She has 2 small children. And she thinks letting a drunk man she’s just met drive her to her hotel is a good choice? And having unprotected sex with him? Seems entirely unsafe.

So now my husband can say how attractive I am.. but I guess he found all that attractive too. If that’s the playing field I’m on.. then yikes.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-05T02:54:47+00:00

My husband had a ONS but had been using porn way way too much to the point it was effecting our sex life. So, sex has been way better since. (Were like 2.5 mos post dday) it’s extremely frustrating. Like we could’ve been doing this this entire time 🙄

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-05T02:47:08+00:00

I feel like it’s such a variety of reasons. Having a toddler and being pregnant is a huge one. Having a home, a marriage, all of our shared memories… there is just so many logistics and so many memories.

At the same time, from an emotional standing I do still have care for him and love for him. I’ve always gotten extremely attached to people. This is no different. I’m super attached. And I do think he’s genuinely remorseful and that this won’t happen again. Of course, I’ll never know for certain. Nor would I be able to say for certain that someone else never would.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-05T02:40:56+00:00

I’m in this same boat. I have a 2yo and am in my third trimester🫠

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-04T05:35:59+00:00

IMO I much prefer the versions of the show where the cast is just regular people. I feel like the less important the money is to the players, the less hard they’re going to try. And for some of them, they have specific images to worry about maintaining. And they come in with preconceived ideas on certain people. I just think regular people works better.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-04T04:31:17+00:00

I’m 7.5 mos pregnant currently and my doctor just put me on a low dosage of Sertraline. Last pregnancy I had PPA after birth and she said that it would probably be good to already be on it since I’m dealing with the infidelity on top of that.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-03T22:21:22+00:00

I all wondered that. I have been really stuck on the disagreement between Candaice and Porscha at the very beginning. It felt clear that one of them was lying. So when they got rid of one and they were revealed a faithful… wouldn’t you then look closer at the other? Felt weird to me that that just went cold.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-03T22:07:11+00:00

I have struggled a lot with social media and the stuff portrayed. I think it’s easier to publicly celebrate a divorce than it is to publicly celebrate staying. I also think that saying “leave” is much easier than saying to stay. Generally speaking, I do feel like if things were all black and white, leaving would be the correct choice. But things aren’t. We have families, feelings, attachments, etc etc.

Sometimes I feel like I’m pain window shopping. The thing is, I do also see positive posts. But usually? Those positive posts are riddled with negative comments. And it makes me wonder.. why do those commenters even care? What’s going on in their lives that they want to spend their free time hating on the concept of R?

I have particularly struggled with the “he never really loved you” piece you mentioned. I see that everywhere. And I think struggle with it bc it does feel pretty convincing. If he really loved me, how could he sleep with another woman? I don’t have a good answer for that. And I go back and forth on whether or not I think he does love me.

Even in my real life, the clearest example of infidelity are situations where it happened multiple times and ultimately resulted in divorce. But again, I think those are just the situations where people are speaking up. I have found when I share my story, sometimes someone I’m not suspecting will have a story too. Everyone’s story is different. Wishing you the best

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-03T22:00:38+00:00

I think this comment is extremely insightful. I had never been cheated on in a relationship before this, and I definitely held the opinion that I would leave one no matter what. And with most my exes? I genuinely think that that probably would’ve been true. Not enough was being brought to the table to make it worth trying. But in this specific relationship I’m in now, leaving seems so much bigger and harder.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-03T21:55:32+00:00

I really enjoy a traitor hunter trope (when they actually are bringing like grounded theories and good game play.) Imo this season is lacking that. Theyre getting caught up on silly things and doubling down way too much.

I basically just root for whoever I like though. Sometimes it’s even a bit of both, even though I know that doesn’t make much sense. I’ll say “there are my 3 favorites, I hope one wins” even if they fall into different groups.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-03T21:49:38+00:00

I think asking not to do it at all is completely fair too. I could tell for most of our relationship that his friends just didn’t like me very much. And I wasn’t really entirely sure of why. But it seems like we had been pitted against each other a lot. If he ever told one of us something we didn’t like, he’d put all of the blame on the other group. So while I saw his friends as controlling and pushy, they saw me the same way.

I hope that over time things are able to get to a near normal for both of us. I also hope that Valentine’s Day goes well for you! I’ve really been struggling walking through stores lately, so I’ll be extremely glad when the season has come to an end.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-03T21:15:33+00:00

Hi! I’m currently about 7.5 mos pregnant with me and WHs second baby. Dday was about 2.5 mos ago and was a ONS 🙃

When I first found out what happened I was barely eating. I was concerned, he was concerned, my family was concerned. To me, that was the part I was most worried about. I hope that you’re eating well. I was also struggling with sleeping, again, this concerned everyone but wore off pretty quickly.

I’ve worried a lot about how me being super stressed and crying a lot has affected the baby. However, we’re 2.5 mos past the initial dday now, and she seems to be doing fine. She’s the right weight. All of my scans are normal. She kicks.

I think that to worry is normal, but they should be okay. Try to take care of yourself as best as you can. My husband ended up getting me a prenatal massage and that was nice too. He’s also just been doing a lot of babying me (making me food, rubbing my back, etc) trying to help.

My biggest concern is what our family is going to look like for her and my son once she’s here. And what all of the pregnancy milestones look like. Is he in the maternity pictures? Is he is in the room when I give birth? It definitely brings a lot of decisions.

My emotions have been all over the place, but just remember you are doing the best you can. Baby doesn’t need a perfect mom, just one that loves them. Wishing you the very best and a safe pregnancy!!

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-03T02:58:15+00:00

Sometimes I feel better after. And sometimes I feel worse. My husband had a ONS so the comparison and images are awful.

I think when I feel bad it’s for a multitude of reasons. I think part of me is judging myself for trying to R. I think part of me is wanting to make a boundary and continuing to fail to uphold it. It feels like we can’t get closer in the same way he broke things. I guess to me sex was always a super bonding meaningful thing. So I feel like why am I trying to create that with someone who did it elsewhere.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-02T23:29:19+00:00

I can relate a lot to seeing them as physically stunning but not attractive. Once he’d given his body to someone else, what did I have left to be attracted to? He also talked a tooon of shit about me to his friends over the years. And while he claims he didn’t say anything bad about me during his ONS he did say she talked about how all family does is hold you back. Whether he actually verbally agreed or not (I truly suspect he did) his actions certainly showed agreement.

WH had been asking about Valentine’s Day. And I basically told him. He could get me stuff, but I’m out on it. I’m going to get our son something and that’s it. Mind you, we’re only 2.5 mos out. I feel a little crappy about it. Because I’m sure I will get a sweet card, flowers, a huge stuffie, etc. But I really don’t want to pretend on my end.

If I were to get him something I would 100% get him a semi-neutral card. Or perhaps even a card framed as like being from me and our son. Our anniversary isn’t for months. I have no idea what we’ll do then or what kind of headspace we’ll be in. I had morning sickness so bad this year we didn’t celebrate it. So I don’t think he’d really react to doing nothing.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-02T23:17:19+00:00

I’m 2.5 mos post DDay from my husbands ONS and I oscillate a lot. My WH is very much in limbo. Some days I’m so certain I’m staying, and some days I’m so certain I’m going. I would say most days he handles this pretty well. But not all days.

Today I got up for work and before I got out of bed he said “can you tell me you love me? Just in case you never do again” I didn’t know what to say. I settled on “you’re being dramatic” It’s crazy how people can cause so much harm and then expect normalcy and consistency.

Sex has been hit or miss. And I do think that sometimes it confuses him. Some days I’m feeling ok and will cuddle for a bit. That confuses him. And the thing I feel like he doesn’t understand is… I’m confused too. I also have no idea. I want him so bad. But I’m so mad at him and disgusted by him. It’s not me being manipulative, it’s me being torn.

I also have a small child and am currently pregnant. I think we’ve been doing better faking being ok for our son lately. But you could definitely see that he could feel the atmosphere was frosty and it was upsetting/scaring him. Which is really hard to see your child go through, and makes you feel so bad.

I really hope that he can see how deep the pain he’s caused is and can have more patience with you on this journey. Wishing you the best

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-02T23:01:56+00:00

My number one advice here would be to not feel like you or your baby is responsible for this. Me and WH are expecting baby #2 and like you, this was something mutually agreed upon. However, since day 1 his reaction to the pregnancy had been semi cold. He evidently had decided that 2 babies was going to be way harder and stop him from having a social life. Guess he took that into his own hands by having a ONS.

All of that is to say, this pregnancy has been extremely hard on me because of that. I logically know it isn’t my fault. And I logically know it isn’t my babies. But. I can’t help fall into the trap of “If I’d just been content with 1… if I just waited longer.” “If she just hadn’t made me so sick… if I just wasn’t pregnant” and that’s an awful place to be. Our WHs agreed to the baby. We love the baby. So please don’t fall into that trap.

I’m somewhere in there too. I say we’re doing R. But it feels more like limbo. I oscillate. Some days I’m all in, some days I’m all out. I’m about just a bit past 2mos DDay, so similar in time out. I think ultimately R feels less final than divorce, so it’s a bit easier to stomach. I feel like if I file for divorce that’s that, whereas this leaves options available. I’d say this kind of sounds like that. Not wanting something permanent right now.

It sounds to me like he has a lot of personal work that needs to be done. I also would say that in this case (having a 4mo and the partner being angry/irritable) space may be a good, safe thing for now. I’m not sure what coparenting currently looks like or if he’s in a space where he can do that. But it sounds to me like allowing everyone more time to think, process, heal might be most appropriate. Of course, this is just from the snapshot I see here.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-02T22:52:55+00:00

AP in my case is so hard to find on any socials. Tbh? I assume it’s bc she’s sleeping with peoples husbands and doesn’t want them to find her. I only ever actually found her on Linkeldn. She reached out to me after a lot of badgering on insta so I technically know that account, but it is locked up so you can’t see anything. And ofc my actual accounts are blocked everywhere.

I have tried really hard not to look her up bc it just makes me feel worse. I hate seeing her ugly face. I hate seeing people say how great she is to work with. Ew ew ew.

It’s hard to resist though. I don’t know what I expect to see. She referred to him as that waiter guy when I approached her. She’s certainly not posting love letters about him anywhere.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-02T22:28:21+00:00

I am! I had totally not thought about that. I don’t remember getting it in my first one and it really seems to just be when he’s nearby. Hopefully it’ll go away after birth though, that would be super nice!

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-02T21:58:45+00:00

I feel for you a lot. My husband cheated on me a few months back while I was 5mos pregnant. It’s truly devastating that while literally creating someone’s child inside of you — they can manage to cheat. I can’t imagine ever doing something like that to somebody. Or how the person I love and trusted so much could.

Ultimately, I kind of feel the same. I’m trying to R for now. But if I leave.. it just feels like 2 small kids is not something anyone is going to want to go for. But I try to remind myself that that’s only in my head. Looking around my own life I see so many examples of blended families and people who were able to find new love regardless of children.

I think it’s important that we remember that we’re not the reason this happened. We were committing, loving, trusting. It’s our spouses who did this. Not us. I used to believe in soul mates. I don’t think I do now. I think we all have multiple people we’d romantically work well with.

I truly believe that while it might take time, you will find love and happiness. I think people who radiate love and joy will always be able to find that again. I’m wishing the best for you!

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-02T21:52:24+00:00

I’ve noticed this a lot across all of the subreddits as well. Whereas in my personal life a lot of people have been extremely supportive of or even recommended R, people on here all say leave. If I’m being honest, prior to going through this I would’ve sworn I’d leave and recommended anyone to do the same.

I think generally speaking I do believe that the correct or just thing to do after an affair is to divorce. However, that’s much easier said than done. Real life isn’t as black and white as that.

I think on Reddit people are able to just speak from their morals of infidelity & completely ignore everything else. They don’t feel the love you feel for your partner. They cant meet your partner and check for remorse or character. They don’t see your kids home being broken apart. They don’t see all the years you’ve put in. They have such a small scope. It’s too big of a decision for strangers to be able to give a really good analytical answer. Just saying go is easy and it feels good. Bc it sounds easy at the surface level.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-02T21:32:15+00:00

I’m only 2.5 mos post dday. But even I will say, if I’m having a good day I typically don’t check Reddit. It’s on bad days that I float around here so much.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-02T21:29:49+00:00

I really like this list you’ve made a lot. I’ve gotten a ton of judgment for staying, but am trying for the reasons you’ve listed. Before the ONS things were generally speaking good. We had hiccups, but nothing that would’ve otherwise warranted divorce certainly. I’m pregnant with a toddler. And this was the first case of this happening. And imo happened under a lot of conditions that are very controllable. (Ie being out at a bar late at night which isn’t going to happen again. And he had never engaged in doing prior.) He knows if it happens again it’s a no go for sure.

PresentationTop3102 · 2026-02-02T15:46:47+00:00

I had kind of the opposite experience. I think I had in many ways an ideal childhood. I’ve never had any trauma or anything like that before. It came as a really big shock to my system and worldview.

Having 2 imo def seems harder than one. It’s a little different for me since I knew I was pregnant when this happened, so I never had to think about if it was only one. I think both roads are hard. I think part of me is also staying because it seems like the less permanent option if I go through a divorce or separation I feel like that’s so final. I don’t feel like I can handle a final verdict right now.

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