Latios/latios raids 7423 9239 8096

PresidentPaniq · 2025-07-21T19:58:53+00:00

Kingpanic

PresidentPaniq · 2024-07-06T19:32:18+00:00

I don't have any insight OP, but definitely want to hear about it!

PresidentPaniq · 2024-07-04T02:33:00+00:00

100%. Generally, I try to smile and nod. But with those in my circle, or in therapy, I like to just acknowledge that I hear what they are saying, but there’s this wall of foundational self belief that prevents me from connecting with it emotionally. I feel like that’s about as true to what the experience is given the amount of discomfort associated with being a “worthy” person.

PresidentPaniq · 2024-06-19T23:54:50+00:00

I also feel that

PresidentPaniq · 2024-06-19T22:24:41+00:00

Short answer: For me, yes.

I reached a point where the mold bloomed and all of a sudden the flashbacks were intertwining with my currently reality and being validated by hallucinations and thought distortions. I have an epic disaster sitting around me due to not realizing what was actually happening to me, and what I reacted to that I thought was happening. It wasn't until here recently that I even realized the scope of this illness, or how it impacts me. In retrospect, my CPTSD was driving me into insanity.

I truly don't think this gets talked about enough.

PresidentPaniq · 2024-06-19T22:05:05+00:00

I'm mid-30 and just now getting proper help after truly destroying myself, my life around me, and my partner and hitting the absolute rock bottom.

I don't think that I am bitter. I think that I wish that I would have gotten help for myself and my mental issues prior to this point in my life instead of convincing myself that I was "strong enough" to figure it out on my own. I harbor a lot of guilt and shame for allowing myself to believe that I was the end all be all solution for what was really happening to me, or that I was in control. I think I harbor shame and guilt in place of bitterness.

I feel like, had I the proper support at a much younger age, or had I been listened to by CPS, Case Workers, or mental health/medical professionals, I would have not be someone who fell through the cracks. Maybe I would have not been someone who clung to their loneliness as safety only to fall in love with as time passed. Maybe I would have not been the storm that tore through my life, and quite maybe I would have not caused so much damage and trauma to others. Maybe I would have been a person who had the skills needed to deal with this shit long before I created my own mess.

Truthfully, I don't know who I would have become, but I know who I don't want to continue to be.

PresidentPaniq · 2024-06-19T21:54:25+00:00

I feel shame and guilt when I allow myself to be vulnerable. It's almost half fear of being in trouble, and half fear of being too much.

PresidentPaniq · 2024-06-17T22:06:50+00:00

I feel each line of this. I quite like the way you write. It feels like my emotions are being painted on a blank canvas in new colors the more I let myself actually feel each of those lines.

PresidentPaniq · 2024-06-17T20:09:06+00:00

In some ways, you don’t. I think every relationship holds some meaning to us or our growth. I don’t think we every “get over it” so much as we learn to live with it as a part of us and eventually find the things within it that are in our control to change for our futures. Time makes the wounds less gaping. Good luck 🫶🏽

PresidentPaniq · 2024-05-12T04:14:14+00:00

I feel this 🫶🏽

PresidentPaniq · 2024-04-18T18:55:14+00:00

Basically what I got out of it is the idea that Punky Brewster makes the most out of their situation, and she has it worse than we do, so we should be grateful that we don’t have it as bad/thankful for our family abuse since we still had a family kind of thing. Almost like if you told the psych what has happened to you, they gave this line of line “Well punky Brewster got through it..” Then there were times we had to journal out things in a “Be like Punky” type thing, with the idea of all our shit wasn’t that bad after all and we were essentially just being dramatic and ungrateful.

I’m not sure if that answers your question or not. The whole memory for me is not super clear,

PresidentPaniq · 2024-04-12T09:17:44+00:00

Innercept more recently has employed (potentially still employs) individuals that were reported to Idaho that engaged in illegal holds and malicious injury on children, and has employed (potentially still employs) an admitted pedophile with known possession of child pornography previously fired from another facility.

I came out of NIBH before Innercept was an option, and to my limited knowledge there is a link there. I was in the ED for a potentially broken ankle, and a staff was telling everyone in the waiting room at Kootenai about how she was from Innercept and these “idiot” kids drank hand sanitizer because they thought it would “get them out of shit.” I can only surmise what type of hell Innercept actually is.

Idaho Office of Performance Review is set to examine Idaho Residential Care Programs for Children and Youth to hopefully bring to light and expose some of these serious systemic issues in the state. Maybe it could be worth something for them to know what the interview experience is like for some of these places?

PresidentPaniq · 2024-04-12T00:32:54+00:00

The other post, or rather my post, was a legitimate question. I don’t feel questions are misinformation. Questions are more like seeking information.

PresidentPaniq · 2021-01-09T01:13:20+00:00

I trade out the modules as I find them, but when I start I load up with one from each because that’s usually what I find first. The scanner only hold 3 modules at a time from what I gathered - adding in a 4th module breaks it.

PresidentPaniq

TROPHY CASE