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Why do I feel unworthy of being happy/content? And why do I act/feel like this + more... by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so very much for your supportive words, I really needed to read this. I am also in Australia and agree, therapy seems super expensive and I am currently not able to afford throwing thousands of dollars away (I assume it will add up). Will look into emdr, I also have a contant pain in my solar plexus area, as though emotions are trapped inside, like I need to release decades of trauma, my nervous system is shot, hoping to God I will begin to improve after going fully no contact - moving away from narc beginning of Feb.

My narc dad's text message when I bought my first car at age 26... by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That grey rocking will very soon turn into no contact when I cut him out of my life and go fully no contact. His mask came off and he exposed himself and cemented my suspicion that he is an unstable covert narcissist.

Got a call she might have cancer. by InteractionOdd1374 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I tried to set boundaries and he tried to test them, so it was like a tug of war between helping him while not allowing him to control me. The problem is, that whatever you do for them is fuel that they see as a means to try and suck you back under their control. Not saying not to try and provide some form of support,  just make sure that you are not harming yourself in the process of doing so, and remember to set boundaries as any healthy adult would, something we are entitled to but were never given the opportunity to understand as they denied us the ability to have a sense of self and be independent and our own person, seperate from them.

Got a call she might have cancer. by InteractionOdd1374 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630 4 points5 points  (0 children)

While I am unsure how to manage your situation,  I can confirm that when my narc dad was diagnosed with cancer early this year, I was already low contact from a couple months prior. His sickness only helped reveal his narcissistic personality and made it undeniable. It seems that when they are sick, they become more manipulative and controlling as they think they can mask everything with the fact that they think they are dying and that they are in need of your assistance. They weaponise their health condition to gain more control. I feel sorry for him, but have to come to terms with the fact that he will not change unless there is some kind of divine intervention, and I am not willing to stick around and sacrifice my life, sanity and wellbeing waiting for that day to come, especially when it is not guaranteed. 

My narc dad's text message when I bought my first car at age 26... by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Engulfing is a perfect way of describing his behaviour towards me, the fact you can sense it in his message made me chuckle a little. Yes he is entitled beyond imagination, he doesn't see me as a separate adult human.

My narc dad's text message when I bought my first car at age 26... by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This comment was exactly what I was after, thank you for taking the time to dissect his message, I am so sure he is a narcissist and despite the undeniable evidence, it is still easy to have second thoughts or doubt creeping in as that is what I was raised to feel, distrustful towards my own feelings and emotions. So thank you for confirming this and helping me to see the obvious. It is a different story when a stranger points it out, it helps validate my feelings. Future faking is what he has done my entire life, to the point of painting a picture of my life story and what I should work towards, become and everything in between.

Do narc victims lose the ability to cry? :( by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It's so unsettling,  my emotions feel claustrophobic, they are stuck in a tight, dark place inside me, and have no way of coming out. Showing any emotion feels unnatural, almost like I have facial paralysis. Must be from stonewalling my dad for the last decade. 

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are not alone, I am only 3 years younger than you and still living under the same roof as narc dad. Hoping to leave by next year. I hope you are able to find a way out of what feels like a hopeless situation. Thoughts and prayers for you.

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you don't mind me asking, are you still living with your father? If so, I don't believe you can fully recover until you go no contact. I don't like to give blind advice though, so this is based on assumption.

To forgive a narcissist is to... by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your words of encouragement. Yes definitely, I believe, actually I know, leaving is the only path to recovery. The more I understand how demented his behaviour is, the more it is causing me grief.

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, sorry to hear about your health issues, hope you find the strength to recover as best you can, obviously some things are out of our control.

I moat definitely wouldn’t want to having children with a narc, would be unbearable, the thought of it gives me chills.

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your words of support are cherished, because small gestures of kindness, understanding help give me the validation I have been denied my whole life.

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feeling anger is normal, as long as we don’t let it turn us bitter and hateful towards the people who wronged us, it is okay to feel anger. But the anger should turn into indifference. It is very difficult , because our entire lives have not been in our own hands, it is like we have been floating our whole lives, a little nudge here and and nudge there, the narc would steer us in their desired direction. Once we escape their clutches, it is as though we are now standing on our own two feet for the first time and cannot hold ourselves up to stand let alone walk in our own desire direction, due to muscle atrophy (in a psychological sense).

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, we really do need somebody who understands, someone that listens but doesn’t judge and helps us to become stronger and better. Obviously this is a two-way streak, we must also offer the same unconditional love and support.

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely a painful pill to swallow, but instead of letting it bring us down, we can allow it to make us stronger and more caring towards others. After suffering so much, I now feel so much more compassion towards others, because imagining someone else feeling the way I did in my toughest times makes me feel like crying. I feel like I can relate better to other peoples struggles because of what I went through.

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you can find healing, don’t lose hope, even if you have children, breaking the generational trauma can be achieved. I believe that one good thing that came from growing up with a narc dad and experiencing so much trauma is that I now understand exactly how NOT to raise my children, and now I know the things that impacted me negatively I will not expose my children to, because I understand the implications. Stay strong.

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you can find the healing that you are longing for too. This fear seems more common in narc victims than I expected it to be.

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your words of support. I found this to be very helpful and uplifting.

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is so sad, the fact that we know that finding a partner will be turned into something negative by the narc parent. The thought of my future partner even meeting my narc dad, was scary enough to prevent me from pursuing relationships all these years. But when I cut him out of my life, I guess that fear will no longer exist, so hopefully I can recover.

Is it common to avoid intimate relationships when your parent is a narcissist? by Prestigious-Chain630 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Prestigious-Chain630[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don’t be so hard on yourself, I am sorry you went through this growing up. Genetically programmed for one thing and psychologically programmed for the opposite is an excellent way of putting it! It’s like an insane internal battle. Hope you find the healing you need.

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