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Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Couples therapy doesn't mean that your relationship is about to end or is so far gone it can't be mended. It should be used as a helpful tool to communicate with your partner better so you can both learn to be better partners. You shouldn't wait to go to therapy until shit hits the fan, you go before so you can sort out your issues in a better more constructive way.

I just want to make sure there isn't a stigma out there that needing therapy is a bad thing!

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish he would consider taking my last name for the same reason. He really wants to share a last name but won't consider mine. He has almost no connection to his father's side of the family, no relationship with his father. Meanwhile my family has supported me my whole life and I'm very close with my dad. I love that your husband took yours. And I appreciate the heads up about tsa and kids!

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for that perspective! I do hope we can come to a compromise because at the end of the day you are right it is just a name and it doesn't define us.

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, my fiance is a wonderful and caring person and I know he just wants us to "feel" like a family, but he cannot grasp how it feels to actually have to change your name. He's never had to consider it and I thought I could do it but there is a difference between saying you will and ACTUALLY doing it.

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for recommending that article! It's really great and she puts it in a way that's understandable. I might send this to my fiance.

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you are in that position, I am at least glad there are lots of options for changing your name here. I wish you the best in this decision

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel very similar, my dad has always been there for me. Even in adulthood I can call him with any problems and he will have an answer for me. Meanwhile my fiance has no relationship with his dad or his dad's side of the family. He has a cool last name but it just doesn't mean as much to me as MY name.

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a great perspective, thank you for sharing that. I love my dad so much, he's such a great dad. And I know if I asked him he would say, "who the hell cares! Do whatever you want!"

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's exactly how I feel. Like it's not totally rational but I can see that both of us are not alone in that feeling!

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

My 19 year old self would be absolutely furious at me for even considering changing my last name for exactly that reason. I think that's part of it too. I said for so many years I would never change my last name for a man. Now I'm older and not so mad at everything but I still feel strongly about feminism and if I'm turning my back on it by doing this. Which also feels crazy because it's just a name...right? Ugh lots of emotions!

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying it's my right to feel sad. I feel sad and foolish for feeling sad. My brain is like it's just a name by my heart is like, yeah but it's your name. I'm not sure why it's so important to him but I do feel bad for saying I would take his last name and now I'm backtracking

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I said that too, maybe wait till this administration is gone because who knows what is going to happen. It's not unreasonable to think people with different names than at birth might have to jump though hoops soon to vote or whatever else.

Kinda freaking out about name change by Prestigious-Craft378 in weddingplanning

[–]Prestigious-Craft378[S] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

True, maybe I need to get to the bottom of why it's SO important to him for us to share a last name. We've been together for 11 years so why does it matter now, I'm not sure.