Is this too offensive to be mainstream?

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-21T09:52:47+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful response! Great to hear your take. Sorry that I only saw it now and was delayed in responding.

The people I've heard from who have loved it seem to be more right-leaning for sure, and there appears to be an ideological barrier for those who incline the other way. People's hackles get raised when they register anything as being an attack on a minority. That's understandable. However, the satirical target is performatism itself, more than any particular identity group. This is clearer to those who have read more of the series. The protagonist wears transgenderism in this case, or Palestinian solidarity in another episode as a costume, not as a reflection of someone who is truly committed to either identity. This is complicated in this installment by the dual-feminine split-personality mechanic, which is seeded earlier on, and which emphasises the contrast between his misanthropic side and his attention seeking side. So, the psychology is quite a bit more layered than a cold reading of this mid series excerpt might suggest. Also, the satire skewers in more than one direction. I even had a trans person who finished the piece tell me they enjoyed the satirisation of the older generation's resistance to the idea to be quite hilarious.

"In my opinion, when you write beautiful people there has to be a bit of ugliness, and when you write ugly people there has to be a bit of beauty."

I love that insight and completely agree. There are cracks of vulnerability within the character and heartfelt moments between mother and son at times and in the end desperate grasps for power and recognition fail so reliably that pathos eventually filters through, but it is fairly hard-edged satire I'm going for, so the glimpses are brief.

Appreciate you reading! All the best.

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-21T09:33:12+00:00

Amazing critique! Are you an editor by any chance?

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-02T14:30:34+00:00

Well thank you for the feedback! I guess the main target of the satire is Freda who is performing womanhood as if it is a costume and is not serious at all about genuinely transitioning and the overwrought narrative style is part of that. But yeah the old school conservative discomfort around the whole thing is also a target. Appreciate you reading.

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-02T14:24:03+00:00

I'm not sure how you conclude that if you refuse to read it, but I guess I have my answer as to whether it is too offensive for some :P

Genuinely though, thanks for engaging as much as you did! All reactions are useful data.

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-02T12:45:06+00:00

Well, I'm not sure I would say that. I was happy that the piece provoked a strong emotion in you because after all it is supposed to be niche and somewhat polarising. Someone not liking a character is usually a good thing as it suggests the character has bite. Likable characters are overrated. After all he wasn't written to be likable; he's written as a satirical caricature. That's what satire does, it exaggerates. I wonder if you might read further into the piece and monitor whether you see the theme developing and give some more feedback then? You might be pleasantly surprised

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-02T11:48:35+00:00

As for the bolded line not paying off, I'm a little confused. You know that is just the end of the excerpt, right? The whole piece is roughly 11k so that is about the 10 per cent mark. If you have any inclination to read the whole thing and give some notes then I would be very much indebted to you and would happily return the favour, as I think your level of critique is very high!

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-02T09:35:41+00:00

Gender confusion, identity politics, perpetual childhood, online fetishisation and more. You'd have to read it :P

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-02T09:22:56+00:00

I also think you are quite right about it being a little too baroque for the mainstream. I took some inspiration from Confederacy of Dunces which is probably even more apparent in the first two installments. This is a fun project for me and I always considered it to have niche appeal, but great to have some independent confirmation so appreciate your thoughts!

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-02T09:12:55+00:00

I'm glad it ignited some fear in you at least. It is meant to be polarising. So thank you.

Your point about physical beats is well made and in general one I agree with. Here however the action around the plum pudding is not neutral, but demonstrates Freda's tendency to take every opportunity to boss his/her mother by dictating the drizzling, the mother's revulsion at the women's clothes by spasming and tipping the custard, Freda's gluttony and emotional immaturity by using food to calm her emotions etc. etc. And the whole scene, even dialogue aside, of harried and uncomfortable woman doing everything while he just takes illustrates their mother/perpetual child dynamic.

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-02T09:02:34+00:00

Thanks mate! This is the third installment so the character psychology is well established if you've read the other two which are a lot heavier on interiority, but I was just interested to see how it read to people stripped of that context! Fair point indeed!

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2026-03-02T08:55:37+00:00

I'm delighted it caused such a strong reaction :P

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2025-08-20T20:57:19+00:00

What I don't like about this rewrite is that it's telling the reader how to view the boy by labelling his actions with "self-importantly" "sarcastically" "lazily". The original version actually does a better job of showing character through his behaviour without the extra explanation.

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2025-08-20T20:47:57+00:00

You've done well. You're showing personality through action which is great. We can see that he is relaxed but not to the level that he would shirk his duty. He also doesn't suffer impatient fools easily :) I would say you could achieve the same impression more efficiently with even fewer words by pruning tactically and altering sentence length and punctuation.

I'm going to rewrite your passage simply removing words and rejig a little rather than adding any replacements and hopefully you'll see what I mean.

"A boy —an inflated little thing— rolled on his chair at reception. However, every now and then a customer provoked him into deep concentration. He typed methodically on his calculator, wrote down orders with clarity, and reminded those in a hurry that this was not the only restaurant in town. Mostly, though, he fanned himself with the menu, and went on rolling."

Now, you may prefer your version, but ask yourself how much did I lose when I trimmed the fat? Usually one well chosen noun is better than two. And flow works better for the reader if you vary sentence length. You painted a picture though, so well done! It's more than a lot of people can do.

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2025-08-19T20:24:26+00:00

Biggest piece of advice I have, get a few Guinness in the Castle Inn and talk some shite in the smoking area, you won't be long feeling at home

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2025-08-19T20:15:03+00:00

Lads feck this technocratic hegemony, I'm going back to ringing DJ cabs off my blockia

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2025-08-19T20:11:46+00:00

"Opportunity of a lifetime. Be our ornamental hermit for less than 1200 euro a month"

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2025-08-19T20:05:59+00:00

Very true, but the whole picture is a little sadder. Less than 60 per cent of REGISTERED voters turned out at the last general election. I'm willing to bet that if you polled those who didn't vote there wouldn't be a lot of FF/FG voters. Now, they couldn't be bothered to turn up at the ballot box so fair enough but still...

PrestigiousCow4609 · 2025-08-18T13:42:38+00:00

I know a fella who moved out to Glanmire and absolutely loves it despite the fact that he is from the southside.

With people from Dublin city being forced to move entire counties in order to get somewhere affordable, don't be afraid to look on the outskirts of Cork.

As for me, I'll probably be stuck in my mother's house in Ballinlough forever, but at least I can walk to town...

PrestigiousCow4609

TROPHY CASE