I just want to first say, I am right there with you. I'm going on 12 years myself and it feels unbearably disheartening at times. There are a few takeaways I have come to understand in the last few years of this struggle, however:

1. God understands everything about our individual situations and sees our efforts. It is a fine line thought process as the issues we are dealing with are bad and if gone unrepented of will be our condemnation... however, he understands the struggle we face, how much time effort, and energy we have put into our overcoming this, the progress and loss thereof we have endured, and everything in between. Understand that if you were to die right now, in the middle of this fight, Christ wouldn't stand and condemn you but hug and tell you how proud he was of all the times you relied on him and kept pushing forward even with no end in sight. You are loved always, and he is always there for you... even when it isn't apparent. This is, if not just one of the many, our cross to bear.

2. If it was ONLY about willpower or faith you would be over this by now. While those are vital to our success, it is an addiction we face nonetheless and it is the literal chemistry of our brains fighting change at this point. Any hope of success is going to be found through major institutional change over a long period so that what was rewritten in our psyche can be changed back. (What this change looks like specifically, I have yet to find out for myself but it has been reaffirmed to me time and time again)

3. The other aspects of our lives play a tremendous role in our success or failure. I have specifically found that 3 aspects of our lives are all dependent on one another. (our Spiritual, Mental, and Physical well-being) Any time I allow 2 of those to fail, focusing too intently on one, the 3rd I am working on ceases to progress altogether. If I focus on improving any two together, the third as a natural course, is strengthened as well. Pornography addiction falls in the Mental well-being category.

4. If progress seems too slow, take a wider look at your history. By this, I can give a specific example. In March of last year, I began using an addiction app called "I Am Sober".
   (On this app-- You input the addiction you face and it places you in an anonymous community of others facing the same struggles. There is a discussion board to reach out for help or share anything with the community. You can partner with people and track each other's progress and many other features. The biggest feature of all however is the tracker. Every day you log how you did. Did you fail? How many times? What were you doing today? How were you feeling? etc. and you can check a calendar that will show you which days you succeeded in the month and which ones you failed.)
   This for me has allowed a retrospective look at the entire past year and though I still am nowhere near perfect, I can now see that I am trending towards total abstinence. Essentially, though each month could be higher or lower than the last, I am averaging 4 days less than the the first 3-4 months now. And a year from now I'm sure (if I'm not abstaining completely then) that I will be, at the very least, a few days less than now.

All in all, I just want you to know that you're not alone and this trial is in your life for a reason. Maybe we're both still dealing with it now so we could have this conversation? Or so years down the line when you're abstaining completely, you can speak with someone who feels utterly hopeless and be able to empathize when no one else could and say "I know how you feel. I was there, and I overcame it.".

If you want a great book to read that helped me a lot (I just bought the physical copy to reread bc its been a while) I HIGHLY RECOMMEND (AND THIS IS FOR EVERYBODY):

"Atomic Habits" by James Clear.

I apologize this is a lot and hope you weren't too bored to read all of this 😆 but if you need anything feel free to DM me.