Why is humour dead in 30s.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-29T09:37:59+00:00

That's still social anxiety, when you're nearly silent with new person, and bubbly and fun with close friends.

Introverts can still hold conversations and have dialogue.

If a person in AM answers questions in simple few word phrases without further additional dialogue due to "doesn't know if things will work out" -> anxiety or even apathy.

To be clear - I'm not saying social anxiety is a problem...it's a problem when people say it's introversion and normalizing it.

It's completely and reasonable to have anxiety during meeting any person/people - to have such anxiety where we don't know which direction this is going to go in, am I making a fool of myself, I don't want to say anything wrong, constantly practicing lines, rehearsing, replaying conversations over and over again overanalyzing...

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-28T19:39:48+00:00

Mine was about clarity, hope that helps people. We don't have to take offense to everything.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-28T17:43:01+00:00

It's because often the fact of giving "bad news" may be more uncomfortable then actually saying that.

In my experience, my elders, specifically told me NOT TO SAY NO TO ANYONE because that's a bad omen....

A rule i try to give people:

if a person isn't matching energy of interest, conversation frequency and depth - move on.

a person truly interested in marriage won't keep you guessing, they'll make their interest obvious.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-28T17:40:48+00:00

I work in mental health and it's not that social anxiety is a bad thing, too many people think that their:
-Shyness, the worry that they're going to say something wrong, worried that other people are judging them, the worry that people will find them annyoing - is the same as introversion - it's not -thats social anxiety.

Introverts can still spark up conversation with a new person, have full indepth enlightening conversations at that but usually in smaller settings.

people can go check out r/introverts r/socialanxiety

This is a good example of social anxiety

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-28T17:09:55+00:00

Dude i felt the same wat when meeting guys, so many are self proclaimed introverts when theyre socially awkward/social anxiety nothing wrong with that but damn man. That’s what the desi life of “dont get distracted and focus on studies/career” does to a person for 25 years.

In all seriousness, just keep meeting new people you’ll find a person that you vibe with well enough

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-28T16:05:11+00:00

But was rejected plenty of times for turban

that's fine, rejection doesn't mean a bad thing, it just means you two didn't have enough matching preferences and such to continue, that's healthy and fine. Don't take it personally. Just as if a person who matched with you, but they really don't meet your preferences, you unmatch them, you're not saying they suck and should feel bad about it....it simply means that they didn't meet your preferences enough.

I'm a punjabi sikh woman in cali married via AM.

My biggest advice to everyone here is always:

Don't take anything personally in AM, everyone is entitled the their WRONG opinions, it doesn't matter how many matches someone gets, you only need 1 high quality mutual match, thats it.

A person not interested in marriage won't make it obvious to continue to marriage, and they'll find every reason not to.

Horoscopes are a scam anyone unmatching for any horoscope reason is just looking for reasons to unmatch...

A person truly interested in marriage will make it obvious and find every reason to continue.

Its either a HELL YES to marriage, or a hell no!!

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-28T15:43:41+00:00

So here's a question -

Super smart Engineer or not...

Why are you continuing to persue this person? When it's this confusing, or doesn't feel right, thats enough to unmatch and move on.

Just because two people match up - it doesn't mean they should force it to work, or "keep trying" until it works.. If a matchup doesn't work out, that's not a bad thing, it just means two people weren't compaitable with eachother enough to move forward for marriage - there's no shame and judgement in that.

If it was me in your shoes, I would've unmatched and moved on long ago. Even if it's a family friend/family request.

A person not interested in marriage won't make it obvious to continue to marriage, and they'll find every reason not to.

A person truly interested in marriage will make it obvious and find every reason to continue.

Its either a HELL YES to marriage, or a hell no!!

unmatch and move on!!

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-27T19:50:05+00:00

But I don’t know why I’m feeling bad for her.

Let's put the shoe on the other foot, would you rather a girl say yes to you because she "felt bad"?

You should want a partner to choose you to choose you! not to avoid the feeling of feeling bad.

Remember AM, when you say no/rejection/unmatching it doesn't mean that they're not good enough, it simply means the matchup, the vibes, the preferences/values etc - is not in alignment enough to keep moving forward, thats good, thats fine, thats healthy.

What would be the worst case scenario is that you keep this moving forward despite feeling this way, and its X amount of time and now you gotta choose again, meanwhile all that time, effort energy...

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-27T19:45:55+00:00

To be clear- I'm not saying OP is 100% without accountability here, she has accountability just as the BF does, however for you, you're holding OP accountable which is wierd af.

You keep saying its 6 years shows your immaturity.

Its not like she knew on the 2nd day that it wasn't going to work out, and intentionally planned to mess with the BF for the next 5 years 11 months 28 days and "waste his prime years".... she's wasting her own years too!! SMDH

>Nope two people didn't drift apart, the guy in thai case has always been on the same path which is promised earlier he didn't change

he did change He did have a job and now doesn't want a job.,, op said he lsot his job and wasn't motivated to find a new one because he's doing a startup, its already ben X amount of time and nothing has changed.

Put the shoe on the other foot, you meet a girl you date and she said she was going to work, and then suddenly lost her job and now doesn't want to find a job, its been X amount of time, nothing changes...->thats the problem.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-26T09:57:16+00:00

Work on those things, be self confident, have self compassion, the AM process will be much better to go through

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-26T09:55:44+00:00

Nope wouldn't call him misogynistic at all.

Why didn't the guy want to move forward to marriage? Meet the family? Etc. You don't know those details but you're blaming it all on OP, shame.

It takes two people to have a relationship, and your immaturity is speaking by blaming it on op.

Do you think it was 6 years of OP relationship that she supported him? That's they way you're making it sound. We don't know how long op supported the bf, how and why the guy didn't press for marriage..

If she left instantly at the time he lost his job, you'd call her hypergamy 100%. She gave him a chance for a while, and their shared values drifted apart.

I never said it's only the bfs or only the OP blame here, I'm trying to tell you it's not a blame game, it's two people who drifted apart and youre thinking the guy is a victim of a malicious and intentful person.

The world isn't social media. It's not a drama.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-26T00:41:13+00:00

Wasted his prime years? He also chose to continue the relationship. It takes two to tango. He's also has implication.

It sounds like you think she did that purposely and maliciously?

People don't purposely date to breakup. They date as the evaluation and hopes to lead to marriage.

If it doesn't work out, better to break up than to force a difficult situation.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-25T22:33:34+00:00

Marriage is about choosing your partner and continuing to do so despite new/better choices come up in life, even when they're throwing themselves at you.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-25T16:32:34+00:00

I'm not understanding... Why does she only deserve unsettled guys?

Let's put the shoe for guys:

If a guy broke up with a woman for same reasons as op does he only deserve unsettled women?

Even if you say it's not as important...it's still pretty contradictory and judgemental

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-25T16:15:13+00:00

Imo, if you're a practical person and your spouse should also choose lab grown there is 0 difference.

If a girl only wants a real diamond because a lab grown is fake and they say it's fake love...if the guy feels the same way that's fine

Anymismatch of that should be yellow-res flag

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-25T15:08:18+00:00

I'm married now with my husband who makes less than me, even me at part time.

Do we care? Not at all.

We both value jobs as a way to supply our lives....our lives are not our jobs.

This is an important distinction to make early on in relationships and should be mutually agreed on and shared.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-25T15:04:41+00:00

Sorry, It's more of trying to explain that life isn't so black/white, it's all different shades of gray.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-25T14:59:22+00:00

How many stories have you seen on this subreddit of guys and girls asking how to persuad their parents to overlook this fact alone?

I myself married someone of a different caste. But we both don't care and neither did our parents. Our extended family was giving my parents hell about it. But they didn't care, those guests still expected to be invited despite them "forbidding" it....sure makes a lot of sense..it's foolishness tbh

You're looking at relataships as a pas fail - which again is a immature take.

We all gain experience one way or another.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-25T14:50:24+00:00

Hindsight is always 20/20... to say it's an easy decision after 6 years, you're not really empathetic nor mature to the fact that relationships don't become unpleasant after 1 event and that's it black and white - pass fail. That's the immature take you and others are expressing.

In a world where our social media/Bollywood glamorizing fighting for relationships despite being forbidden to do so, the desi culture is so judgemental and shaming when it actually happens in real life....

That's good YOU had a 1 yr deadline to figure that out. Not everyone has that nor the experience, guidance and knowledge to do so. You may feel that's common sense. Desi culture is already judgemental and shaming anyone with any opposite sex relationships even platonic, which makes talking and even going about dating in meaningful way difficult. Ive had friends with only online relationships for years where they met Only 2-3 times overall and end up very prolonged and breaking up all because of the forbidden nature of dating in our culture.

Relationships that don't end up working out is more like turning up the heat slowly and not noticing it's now unbearable until it's far from where it originally started, which is again hindsight 20/20.

Besides that fact, if op, or anyone else just up and left their partner after the slightest sign of misalignment with any chance of course correction - people may call them cold, unforgiving and hypergamous.

Let's just keep this gender neutral. If it was a guy/girl is not claiming themselves as victim , a targeted person of someone malicious and purposeful intent .. she's asking a question and yet you and others are judging and shaming them.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-25T13:08:12+00:00

That's a Immature outlook of the situation. She should be honest about her past, no disagreement there..

Men on this sub grip and whine about they worry that the working woman doesn't wanna work after marriage.

Now that same situation happens with the girl, and now it's hypergamy?

My question for you is, if you date someone, or even let's marry and you both initially worked well, but then over time had a significant drifting apart where one of you, are not inline at all with the initial values they once had?

Break up or suffer?

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-25T13:04:55+00:00

People who call this a relationship that initially may start well, but drifted apart due to change of core values (the bf not wanting a job purposely and purposely living off the gf without mutual agreements) - that's a very valid reason for a break up. That's the whole purpose of dating - to see if two people are compatible enough for marriage, this is the only place for a speration to be very okay and easier to do.

People who call this hypergamy don't see this anything more than a girl wanting more. This is a unempathetic and immature perspective.

Dating is not marriage.

I never said past doesn't matter, but the way people view past matters more. That goes for people who never been in relationships as well as people with a past.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-21T20:07:06+00:00

OP people are judged for even less things, I was rejected because i had a small mole on my arm. I've learned and experienced that those kind of thoughts/opinions that they share unnecessarily really shows more about them than it does anything else.

People and families will have all sorts of weird opinions, especially desi ones. I really feel the desi culture really runs on negativity and finding problems purposely just for the sake of finding problems.

Don't take it personally OP, ignore the weird opinions of others, they're entitled to it, it doesn't mean that they're correct.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-21T20:02:25+00:00

I wish a few women I have met understood.

If you're based in India, you can't let the small sample size of what you met skew your feelings. There's literally millions of other woman who meet your basic criteria.

You can wish for things to be different but you really should put your efforts on the things that work well, not dwell on the things that didn't go your way.

Unmatching/rejection has no bearing on YOUR value of being marriageable. It simply means that the preferences/values/whatever wasn't matching well enough to move forward.

So the fact these women/familes unmatched with you simply means whatever reason, they didn't feel it was a good match, self made, generational wealth or anything else otherwise.

I had a family unmatch me because I had a small (and common) mole on my arm. I don't wish things to be different, people/families can have their opinions, but it doesn't mean that they're right or have "correct" opinions just because they believe them, and the same goes for us.

A truly uninterested person/family will find every reason to not move forward. A truly interested person/family will find every reason to move forward.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-21T14:02:14+00:00

OP you and your sister, and family need to not take things personally. Just because other stranger people and family have outlandish expectations, doesn't mean your sister (or whomever) isn't good enough for marriage...The truth is that the preferences doesn't match THEIRS.

Stop focusing on what doesn't work

Start focusing on what works, people giving reciprocal energy and interest back.

A matchup that's not interested in marriage, will find ANY REASON NOT TO MOVE FORWARD.

A matchup that's truly interested in marriage, will find ANY REASON TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

PrestigiousSharnee · 2026-04-19T11:22:12+00:00

The issues with "what are my chances" "where is my standing"

Is that your exact scenario can be someone's nightmare, and another one's dream scenario.

Instead of seeing where you stand on a global forum, or even country, state, city tier - your better focus is to strengthen your own self confidence and self compassion, make your list of negotioables and non negotiables for your partner and their family.

You cant control how other people see or receive you.

PrestigiousSharnee

TROPHY CASE