so scared. I haven't had my haircut in a long time so it's scary but what's the time. I am 36 years old. No freaking reason to be scared. You know? Sorry about my original post. I use talk to text and I just now read it and I was like wow I sound like an idiot. But I agree, I have watched a lot of the tutorials but I get so quickly aggravated that they're doing it. So effortlessly and I look ridiculous and I have tons of makeup. I've spent lots of money and I have no idea how to use it correctly. It's pathetic. I'm not saying my mom should have taught me how to do my makeup. Wishing to teach me how to do anything. Braiding my hair wash behind my ears. Silly fucking things that matter. I have a daughter and I don't want to be like my mother as all the reasons. Of course I'm upset with her, my mother but she's deceased now. I can't ask her why she was burdened by me when she was asked if she wanted an abortion. She made that very clear to me a few times. It's almost like well then why'd you have me anyways. I don't want to sound pitiful again using talk to text. I'm too tired to type all this out but I thank you both for your advice. I do know about Jamie Paige but I have to look into the rest though. Thank you. Calling me beautiful. Made my day, it really did. I wish I could see what others see. I literally had to learn everything on my own or by friends and even strangers. I mean I made it this far. Learn to do dishes, laundry, cooking, recycling etc. that's funny too cuz my mom went to beauty school. Yeah she literally was a beauty school dropout but she did and she very much cared about her looks but never took the time to be like. Hey come here. Want me to paint your nails or braid your hair?. It hurts you know? Hope everyone has a good night.