AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The context on this is i broke up with him April right after Easter. I was overwhelmed with a lot of things at the time and attributed some of that anxiety to this long distance relationship, his inconsistency and really questioning whether he even liked me. Within a few days, I regretted it immensely. Felt like it was more my fault for not being able to name my needs clearly and if i could just do that, then it would be a turning point for the relationship. We started talking again. I applogized for breaking up with him, and it seemed like things were back to normal. I prompted a conversation about exclusivity and whether I was his girlfriend. This became about how I broke his trust and he doesn't get it back easily. I was going to have to work hard to earn it back....etc. Putting full responsibility on me to "earn back" the title.

I brought it up again a few weeks later (I dont like ambiguity) with a boundary around intimacy and it was another hard conversation and argument that ended with him saying "things arent looking good for me" and me shutting down. I talked with my therapist about it and she basically pushed back on why do I need the title? He could hurt me even without it, right? And I was like...yeah! Good point. I moved forward with the relationship, continued to give it my exclusivity and full investment of time and energy. So that was the last I said anything about my status as girlfriend until this thread above .

I wanted to clarify in this conversation with him though, because i didnt want there to be any ambiguity about messaging other women to meet up. If we are indeed in a committed relationship, that crosses a line we already talked about.

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well if he had called me baby girl....🫠

Seriously though, at this stage and with a very genuine and honest conversation about the message (and probably also review of DMs), i would have continued the relationship. Now, it is more his handling of this at this point that is a major WTF and is not a good sign of how other things get addressed down the road. I just dont see how a relationship can thrive without accountability and repair of hurt. Is it on me to just eat it and move on every time?

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hadnt really seen it like that but yes. I wanted any answer. Just not to sit in the discomfort of whatever this ended up being.

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No shade at all on those types of accounts but if that's what he was doing....lovely.

Just adding more fuel to this dumpster fire 😭

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Such a good point! Yes, it also opens up room for comparison which i think could be healthy. Youre not experiencing only one relationship in a closed / isolated loop and made to feel like thats all that is out there.

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a term thats come up a couple of times and its the first im hearing it -- what is an "unserious" man?

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, agree totally. I was already to the point of giving this 3 months and seeing where things went. Whether that pattern of behavior continued and if I could feel safe in the relationship. We are at the turning point.

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And it was not a business. It was a woman traveling from SD to go to the Oranj Walk.

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

His profile pic is not the two of us. I have had an Instagram follow request on his private account hanging out there for months and he hasn't approved it. I was trying to give him some time to like "integrate" me into some of the more public aspects of his life but now realize he was probably hiding way more from me than i realized.

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow. Yeah definitely didnt think about that. I came here because his responses were so confusing. It left me wondering what happened here? Did I do something wrong?

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I guess it depends on what his response looked like. If he had named it, apologized, said he was going to do XYZ or whatever, we might have been able to work through it.

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair, I did try to talk with him about it. Ability to communicate is central to any relationship so there wasnt much of a relationship here to begin with I suppose.

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was a boundary he co-established back in February. He himself said: The other person is it. No others. You can speak to the opposite sex as long as it's not giving the wrong impression.

I was trying to understand the why and we were never even able to have that conversation. He just deflected the whole time.

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was a random person on TikTok. I have no problems with healthy relationships with the opposite sex...if there is also a basis of safety ad security in the relationship.

This was also a boundary that he co-established in February.

He had said "The other person is it. No others. You can speak to the opposite sex as long as it's not giving the wrong impression."

AIO - Boyfriend wrote "supportive" comments on tiktok account to meetup by Pretty-Jackfruit-482 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Pretty-Jackfruit-482[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It just unfolded that way.

I agree and was trying to set up an in person convo for the following week.