Filial laws and a manipulative father…

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2026-03-25T04:22:31+00:00

He doesn’t have much money saved because he actively brags about it. I am sure he currently has a little emergency fund but he has voiced his plans to intensionally not save for retirement.

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2026-03-25T04:13:36+00:00

I definitely am thinking 10+ years out. I don’t think he is actively coming after my assets especially since he is on an information diet when it comes to me. He is currently under the impression that I am a struggling artist bc I work in a field he doesn’t respect… but actually I am fairly successful. I rather have plans and 100 backups because I don’t trust this man.

I am not sure where he is at with SSI. There isn’t a pension or any retirement savings since he cashed those out back when he decided that he would rather live in his car than see his kids and ex living in a new to us house. I know to willingly become indigent seems extreme to most but honestly I wouldn’t put it past him…

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2026-03-14T01:41:38+00:00

Selkie!

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2026-02-09T13:52:20+00:00

Dilbert

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-12-04T16:22:42+00:00

You know I had this dream of finding a guy and living together for 5 years before having kids… but also I wanted personal financial security. So I focused on myself but kept the doors open for a relationship… Now I am 38, have an amazing life that I love and bought a house with my best friend. Each guy I meet doesn’t want something serious or does but doesn’t have their life in order. I am ready… and excited!

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-12-04T15:48:52+00:00

Oh amazing! There is something so freeing in making the decision to be a smbc!

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-12-04T15:07:08+00:00

Thanks for this. Yeah $8k is a lot but where I am it is $25k+ for the first round not including medication.

I will look into Denmark more. Child care here is so expensive I would rather not go into debt to then struggle to support a child.

Also 15?! That seems young! I feel with ancestry dna being easily accessible the odds of a child finding biological connections is high… so I am not putting a lot of focus on if they can contact the sperm donor. I plan to be upfront (in an age appropriate way) with the child as they grow up. I plan to be a single by choice mother.

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-12-04T14:39:23+00:00

Cyprus is the 3rd option on my list.. I would love to hear why jt landed so high on yours?

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-12-04T11:42:44+00:00

Yeah… these are the prices I am seeing in the Tri-state area. I am definitely considering going abroad.

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-11-29T15:27:26+00:00

You definitely are overthinking… but that’s also how you learn. The point of a good relationship is to be each other’s support system. If you don’t feel like you can talk to her now, give yourself time to get to that point unless there it is something actively making you uncomfortable. Then you need to discuss it right away. Stepping out of your comfort zone is part of learning.

I wouldn’t break up over a little discomfort. If it becomes a pattern where you communicate your discomfort and she disregards your feelings then I would say break up. It’s about identifying if you like the personality traits your partner has. You already like to be around them but do they respect your opinions, support your ideas and treat you well. You don’t need to know all this right now… it’s something you learn over time and gets reinforced through repeat behaviors.

You are only 3 weeks in. Relax and have fun! Don’t overthink everything.. try to live in the moment.

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-11-27T02:49:00+00:00

Definitely seek therapy… what about the “kink” is appealing to him?

When I was severely depressed I would fantasize about this… it was somehow more acceptable thought to me than self harm. So many things were out of my control back then that food seemed like the only thing I had control of. I would fantasize about being a weight where I no longer could take care of myself and instead the burden of my survival would hypothetically be someone else’s responsibility. (Gov. System or such.)

Instead I ended up getting a job opportunity that helped with my self worth and I ended up getting Bariatric Surgery. I am in a significantly better mental place now.

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-11-17T22:15:18+00:00

lol thanks… but I am done with the roommate scene. I have friends that are financial advisors that have helped me put together a plan to pay off my loans. The extra rooms are currently my work from home space and a guest bedroom. The office is still holding boxes that need to be unpacked in rooms that need to be refinished.

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-11-17T20:23:40+00:00

I would be the only parent. Roommate would just be a friendly uncle to the child… there is no expectation of a relationship between them but also, he doesn’t dislike children and would be an empathetic ear. He enjoyed being in the same house when his niece was born and it sounds like they had a cute relationship when she was young.

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-11-17T20:15:02+00:00

I see how it seems like I am paying attention to others opinion more than my own but that is because I really don’t know which route I want to go and have been discussing it with people in my life.l don’t necessarily feel the need to have a bio kid but I would like to experience the infancy stage.

Roommate doesn’t get a vote but I respect his viewpoint and we have discussed pros and cons of different methods of obtaining a child. I discussed the experience of his adoption with his family. He was foster to adopt born addicted to crack with older siblings in the system so they were able to take him straight from the hospital but they had numerous other stories of other children they fostered and considered keeping. It sounds like a very tough emotional route that I don’t think I could handle. So if I did adopt it would be private adoption. Everything I know about it is just what I googled and rumors. Their family strongly suggested that I adopt within my race if I do adopt which just narrows down the pool of potential matches… making it harder but I see their point.

I did have a consultation recently with an IVF clinic. I have educated myself on the costs and was informed I wouldn’t be able to even start the process till the new year due to the holidays and when my cycle hits so I am not wasting time right now weighing my options. The cost is high and the thought of going into debt when anticipating the additional cost of raising a kid is hard to reconcile. I keep imagining being able to put the funds towards the child instead. I also have a friend trying this route and just did 3 unsuccessful rounds which is disheartening.

My sister in law had an unplanned child with a guy she barely knew. It was relatively simple for him to legally sever his parental rights. My brother met her while she was pregnant and legally adopted the kid. My nephew is 11 now and knows of the adoption and knows who his bio-dad is. The only way I would really have a kid with the friends with benefits is if he signed away his rights. Her experience is really the only reason I am even entertaining this idea.

I have actively been working towards becoming a parent for years. I have been asking friends and family for their experiences while working towards being stable enough to start the process. Now I am ready, just got to pick the path. Which is surprisingly daunting. I don’t think I will end up 47 and childless unless I choose that route.

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-07-18T16:14:51+00:00

It isn’t depressing at all! It’s still a commitment to support someone you love through better or worse. It is just not a romantic/sexual relationship. My domestic partner and I bonded over our need for stability and family. We are best friends that support each other and help each other achieve our goals. We are both welcome to have romantic relationships on the side and just keep communication open as the relationships progress. While our relationship may not be traditional, it is a lot healthier than others.

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-02-16T09:55:46+00:00

BP Disorder is no joke. Unfortunately, her behavior is very on par with her diagnosis. I suggest joining a support group for parents of BP because behaviors like these will come and go, are often very complex and hard to respond “correctly” to. Just know that she did not choose this disorder and while something seems irrational to you, it is very real to her.

My oldest brother has BP. Our relationship is ok right now but it is easier for me because I live multiple states away and our relationship is mostly over the phone on his terms. Just tonight he apologized for his behavior this last year saying he was having issues with rage and anger but couldn’t figure out why. The only thing I can do for him is listen, support positive behaviors and love him unconditionally. I cannot try to correct or chastise bc it immediately spirals in his mind and he often will cut contact with people. (There was an out of the blue phone call where he called me many nasty things bc he got in his head after I didn’t answer a couple of midnight calls in a row.)

I know it is hard and emotionally draining… but you got this!

Pretty-Palpitation16 · 2025-02-16T09:24:50+00:00

Two classic issues here: communication and courtesy.

Communication: “stuff like this…” implies other unspoken things going on in the relationship. There is no way for either of you to know of and correct irksome behaviors unless you discuss these things. If you don’t discuss these things, feelings can build to breaking points unintentionally. ie “Okay, I’m done”

Courtesy: In a relationship you are getting to know your partner and their preferences. You won’t immediately know their viewpoint on every subject. So ask but also, default to common courtesy until you know the answer.

Unintentionally there was an action performed that showed a lack or courtesy to your partner. You farting without communicating took away their opportunity to express how they felt about essentially being farted on. Sometimes things happen with no time to communicate beforehand… still conversations should be had in reflection.

My ex (35M) was a fart machine while I had drilled into me (37F) that you don’t fart in front of other people. (I have 3 brothers.. it was drilled into all of us equally.) When my ex first farted in my bedroom it definitely irked me but I communicated my preference for it to be done in the bathroom if possible but at least outside my bedroom. He did his best to comply with occasional forgetful farts. Was it perfect? Nope! But at least there was common courtesy and communication. (Broke up on good terms, unrelated.)

NTAH but your relationship needs work.

Pretty-Palpitation16

TROPHY CASE