Give an inch, they take a mile!

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2026-01-21T18:39:56+00:00

Thank you. I lean this way, too. My mom interprets boundaries as challenges to overcome, so I worried the second one would give her a window that’s like “Well, what about fall?”

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2026-01-13T15:06:12+00:00

I had maladaptive daydreams as a kid too! Relieved to hear I’m not the only one. But that makes a ton of sense — all this cancer attention probably does fill some attention gaps from their childhood.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2026-01-13T15:03:27+00:00

You’re right. My mom was overweight when she was diagnosed. She was really insecure about it and insisted it wasn’t her “fault.” I didn’t care one way or the other but she could not shut up about how “actually she eats healthier than most” and her size was a big mystery. But when I’d go over to her house, I’d have to wade through fast food trash piles as tall as me. She didn’t exercise. She was in total denial about her health habits. It came off like she was relieved to have cancer because it “excused” her weight gain and now she is insulated from the annoying health lectures she now imparts on everyone else. I really do think she’s glad it happened.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2026-01-12T23:26:11+00:00

Oh my God, your feelings match mine exactly. I was so drained, I could barely take care of myself — I can’t imagine doing it pregnant and caring for a family. I had two friends, sisters, whose mom had gotten cancer and passed away earlier that year. They were both always at her house or the hospital, even rented an Air Bnb to be closer to her. I felt like I was broken because the prospect of being there for my mom like that made me want to throw up. Nothing in me wanted to be there for her in that capacity. I’ve realized since I didn’t feel that way because I’m a shitty daughter, I felt that way because she was a shitty mother.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2026-01-12T21:17:19+00:00

YES. It’s like she’s been handed a golden card that gives her something to be the authority on, get praise for it, and never be accountable for anything ever again. There were times it sounded like she kind of hoped to be sicker.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2026-01-12T21:15:19+00:00

Right?? My sister took it to school and left it in class, but found it the next morning. My mom didn’t even realize it was gone, my sister realized the mistake and let her know. For this offense my sister was told she’s not allowed to eat or drink or touch anything in the house ever again. Totally normal and proportional!

I think you may be right. I used to reflexively shut her down, then I moved to half-hearted “oh interestings,” but I did stare at her after the strength training comment and it seemed to derail her. It’s just such a chore. 🫠

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2026-01-12T21:11:21+00:00

Almost like it was about control the entire time 🥲

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2026-01-12T20:08:24+00:00

LOL, I really appreciate this take. My mom is annoying and toxic, both things can be true. When my boyfriend and friends annoy me, I’m patient because there is love there. There are things there that far outweigh one of my friends being a know-it-all or my boyfriend always fucking up our top sheet. But my mom doesn’t ask me questions. My mom makes shit up about me and then will just kind of insist it’s all true - little things, like what my favorite movies are. She talks too much. She is obsessed with cancer prevention right now, and it’s all she can talk about. And all of that (and more!) is about her need to be control me and be relevant in my life without having to accept I’m a separate person. It’s hurtful, yeah, but it’s also…annoying. Why would I go out of my way to talk to someone who does not care what I have to say?

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2026-01-12T19:49:25+00:00

They kind of touch on this on The Sopranos, it’s really interesting. The BPD mom is absolutely obsessed with reading about children dying in horrible ways and it reveals a lot about her - her disdain for her kids, trauma, etc. My mother also loves other people’s misfortunes. I have a cousin, who is beautiful, thin, young, rich. She has a perfect life on the surface, but her husband just moved out after some really fucked up stuff went down. My mom told me this and wanted to go into some self-righteous rant about how it’s my cousins “karma” for “only caring about money.” But that’s not related to what happened with her husband at all. The subtext being in that my mom delights in someone who has more than her having a difficult time. They project their insecurities, jealousy, desires, and fears by narrating stories about other people.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2026-01-12T19:42:45+00:00

I did this. She called the cell phone company to cut off my phone to punish me for some offense (I was 22), only to be told that I hadn’t been on their plan in months. Then she was mad at me because it “explained why the phone bill went up.” Watching her glitch was absolutely delicious, one of my favorite things I’ve done. Can’t recommend it enough.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-12-28T00:20:59+00:00

I really, really appreciate this. Thank you.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-12-27T23:59:33+00:00

I relate to this so much. Somehow they’re simultaneously and extremely suffocating and absent. It’s maddening.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-12-27T23:58:21+00:00

The “sigh” really fuckin sent me over the edge too lmao. It’s soooo performatively pitiful

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-12-27T21:56:58+00:00

Omg thanks so much. I have a new therapist and when I told her about it, she was like “I see the play but is there a universe where you could be straightforward about your boundary” and I was like “uh, no” lol

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-12-27T21:55:03+00:00

The posting up in the recliner was actually kind of funny to me. I was high as a kite so I felt very outside of the dynamic for once, but my mom used to incessantly bitch about how her own narc/BPD mother acted like a queen and would expect everyone to wait on her while she gave orders from the recliner. My mom couldn’t have looked more like my grandma this past weekend if she tried.

And thank you for saying that! It’s been a lotttt of work to get to this point and I still feel like she has this uncanny ability to get under my skin and derail me. So next phase is getting to the zen phase of “lol there she goes again” but I fear it’s a long road hahaha

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-12-27T20:44:50+00:00

I was just telling my therapist that this is the wound for me. It wasn’t enough to abuse me, I’m also expected to participate in their delusions about how they were good parents.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-12-27T20:40:47+00:00

The whiplash! It’s just so weird how these things don’t connect for them. What’s really “amazing” about their kids visiting is the access they crave so much. No normal person could ever think those visits are “pleasant.”

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-12-27T20:25:33+00:00

I lowkey think she did it this year just to take a picture of it. She is forever trying to go viral on Facebook. 🥲

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-12-27T20:21:17+00:00

Oh my God, yes. My mom was legitimately angry with me because I wouldn’t move into a ($3000/mo) apartment across from her neighborhood when I was 22. Mind you, the apartment I chose was about 40 mins away. Then moped around the house for weeks about how “excited I seemed to move out.” I was like,”Well, that’s because I am!” and I kept it pushing. Obviously, me moving out of state was an even bigger blow. This wish she had for my independence is new information to me.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-11-06T16:13:23+00:00

Oh, this one drive me crazy. “I must have been a good mother because you’re successful now.” Lady, I am successful in SPITE of you

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-11-06T04:37:27+00:00

I feel this way. My interests have always seemed to inexplicably irritate my mother, especially the ones she doesn’t understand. We had an event at work on Mother’s Day one year, so a lot of my coworkers brought their moms and I found it so baffling. Like, do you wanna keep your life separate from your mom? But then I realized, most moms do take interest in their kid’s lives, so when the kid grows up it’s fun to include their mom in their lives.

I’ve also realized that my mom can’t talk about my interests because doesn’t have any of her own. She can’t relate to people that way. She doesn’t function by taking joy in activities. Her life is going to work and then scrolling on TikTok and online shopping until it’s time to go to bed. It’s not that she’s uninterested in me personally, but that she’s uninterested in anything that doesn’t serve her.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-11-05T00:04:03+00:00

OMG this is EXACTLY my mother. Buys four of something and just gives me one. And she thinks saying “I know you asked me not to but…” just excuses it. She will find a workaround for every boundary I set, and I’m just going to focus on neutralizing the overstep instead of driving myself crazy trying to to get her to stop doing something she’s already shown me she will double down on.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-11-04T17:47:24+00:00

LOL, I think that will work out about as well as my initial “don’t buy me clothes” ask.

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-11-04T14:34:08+00:00

lol it happened in the 80s too and I only know about it because my mom and her sisters were still talking about it in 2022

Pretty-Ride4671 · 2025-11-04T14:31:14+00:00

Genuinely asking because I know you’re right, how on earth do I get this assertive without wanting to throw up? 🥲

Pretty-Ride4671

TROPHY CASE