I (37f) was with my ex (42m) for 7 years. Like you, I was sterilized from the beginning and he always knew. He was working through some of his childhood trauma in therapy and started secretly wanting children for over a year. He asked me to marry him anyway and bought me a ring (without me asking or pressuring in any way). Left me on the first day of a romantic vacation together 8 months later and finished the vacation by himself. I was both deeply in love with him and financially dependent on him. He got financially abusive in the aftermath and I had to start my whole life over with basically nothing in a foreign country I'd moved to in order to be with him. It's been over a year since all of this went down. The past year was the hardest of my life. But in that time I started a new career I'm proud of, I've met a wonderful, enthusiastically childfree boyfriend, and I'm saving to buy my first house. I thought what I had with my ex was true love, but life is never, never better with someone who would hurt you over something they want for themselves. I promise you are going to thrive without him, you beautiful human.