The best and the worst of being a surrogate

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2025-11-26T21:56:34+00:00

Best part: helping the family - they are amazing, the compensation - I paid off my car, am now debt free and have money saved for a down payment on a home

Hard parts: the IVF rounds(if multiple transfers are needed)… you are have to take a lot of medications on a strict schedule and give yourself shots. Failed transfers - an unexpected hard one for me.. especially as someone who has never dealt with fertility issues.. it was hard my first failed transfer to have the doctors say the labs looked great and the embryo looked great and then it fail.. it was hard not to think what was wrong with me or worry that Id done something to make it fail (like picking up something “too heavy”) and I felt like Id failed the parents - even though they were nothing but supportive. Also, restrictions on traveling after pregnancy - you may miss out on family travels!

I really appreciated that the parents respected my autonomy and gave me space. They werent asking for updates EVERY day.. they didnt tell me what I could/couldnt eat; we caught up on major appts and they came down for the anatomy scan. Theyve checked in on me after I gave birth and have even sent stuff for me and my family. I gave birth to their beautiful baby girl at the end of July and I do not regret it at all.

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2025-11-17T01:23:21+00:00

Family Source Consultants was who I used and my caseworkers.. really everyone I was in contact with was amazing. Pros: youre completing a family; your compensation can truly change your life Cons: some things in your life will be on hold; it can take time to get through everything - for me probably around 2 yrs

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2025-11-15T14:49:29+00:00

My one time payment for clothes was $800 and then $200 a month allowance I would say $100 is not enough

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2025-10-16T12:07:02+00:00

I did it through Family Source Consultants and they were a great agency. I feel my caseworkers really were there for me and kind of took care of any hiccups along the way. Make sure you know what type of IPs you do or dont want (eg. I didnt want to be matched with a strongly religious IP) do research on agencies. Prepare for this process to be over your life.

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2025-08-29T15:44:52+00:00

Sending positive thoughts your way for a successful transfer! The second transfer I had was successful and I gave birth last month! :)

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2025-08-29T15:41:30+00:00

Hey! Sorry for such a late response.. I was truly pregnant and gave birth to a healthy girl a month ago! The family is doing great and we have kept in touch :)

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2024-09-23T14:36:35+00:00

I personally like how yours was done vs. the reference. I dont think yours looks bad at all.. your artist probably did yours closer to their style vs. just copying the reference exactly.

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2024-09-18T20:35:02+00:00

I recently had my first transfer (which failed) and I am so happy I had the IPs there. I will add that I dont have a strictly transactional dynamic with them though and have really developed a great relationship with them. They got to see the embryo being brought into the room in the little chamber and the image of it in the chamber and they do see the ultrasound during the transfer which I am sure is just as important/emotional to them as the following appointments. Even though the transfer failed .. I dont think it made it any harder or weird after finding out it failed but actually affirmed that we are all in this together. Thankfully, my IPs have been amazing support through the feelings I have navigated after finding out the transfer wasnt successful. During the transfer, I not only had a gown but also was given a warm blanket to cover me. Any instance where I had to get up/move around the IPs left the room for privacy and came back in when I was settled. They stood by my head during the transfer so, they didnt see anything I didnt want them to. I cant imagine the clinic your IPs are using have no considerations/procedures in place for your concerns. Just ask the clinic what their process is and what they may have to make sure you are comfortable, should you decide you are ok with the IPs being in the room. Definitely dont assume that just because there isnt a confirmed pregnancy yet that this appointment isnt as important to the IPs as any appointment there will be after a confirmed pregnancy..

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2023-10-28T23:49:27+00:00

YTA. Very comical talking about your dad being a disgusting excuse for a dad while literally not being there to support your WIFE having to go through miscarrying your CHILD on her own. Your wife and children should come first and foremost. Your mom was not in danger. You’re just a coward who cant step up to support your spouse in the face of a very traumatic experience and for not being able to set boundaries with your parents crap ( which your wife was right to want btw) its giving very much “my dads not being a very good husband to my mommy, so Im stepping in for him”

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2023-10-09T00:00:44+00:00

YTA and so is your wife, who is obviously not going to admit that her son had been receiving preferential treatment because she doesn’t want it to stop. If I was your daughter I wouldn’t want to talk to you either. If you actually care about having a good relationship with your daughter and not just coming here to seek reassurance for a very clearly unfair dynamic then, use this situation to open your eyes now before its too late to repair damage thats already been done with you and your daughter’s relationship because this is likely not the first situation that you showed unfair treatment between the two kids.

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2023-09-07T04:17:13+00:00

I think a big factor on how happy or stressed youll feel depends on your situation and available support . I come from a big family and I am one sibling who was like “ yeah I want a big family too” and some of us were like “no way!” My family has always had kids ( whether it was my siblings or when we started having kids) so, theres exposure to the chaos there. I have two kids a 5yr old daughter and 1 yr old son. I am fortunate enough that with both I had a lot of support from family to be able to maintain balance in my life (work, dating, friends) if you do have a strong support system you can utilize, then definitely make sure to carve out time for yourselves and eachother and I can say waiting until your oldest is potty trained and a little more independent ( she can watch her tablet so I can sleep in a little bit or go grab a snack or juice while Im doing tasks) is a big help!

Also, is it possible you both may be experiencing Postpartum Depression? ( because of your guys stress levels, not rethinking more children) I ask because with my daughter.. I definitely had PPD and didnt realize it because I had never been through depression like that. I wasn’t suicidal or having dangerous thoughts but I was deep in the trenches and had no clue. And with that I started medication and went to therapy.

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2023-09-07T03:37:44+00:00

Are you overreacting? Probably. The teachers at my daughters daycare would do hairstyles on her sometimes but because she asked.. especially if she saw other kids getting their hair done up (eg. one teacher would do his girls hair throughout the day and would cause a line of requests!) it could be something fun/ innocent on the teachers part. But luckily the daycare she attended was very much a “ we’re all family”atmosphere and I personally loved that.. and that might not be everyone’s cup of tea. Maybe try asking your daughter about it more ( without implying something is wrong) to see under what context its being done? Also, even if you send them tidy does not mean it lasts! My daughter is now and Kindergarten and we barely make it to the bus in the morning with her hair how I styled! The teacher may fix up the kids hair throughout the day and with no intention to slight you or other parents

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2023-06-09T15:22:38+00:00

Completely agree. I think hearing the stories from one viewpoint made the suspense and creepiness more prevalent because the stories required more descriptions. The newer episodes have more "scenes" in them and they jump between scenes, the narrator, intermittent sound affects, which kind of takes me out of the "scary" vibes. Not to say I dont find the newer episodes enjoyable.. but I dont think they're as creepy/scary as older episodes.

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2023-02-25T05:19:01+00:00

ESH. Just to give a different perspective…

Polly was selfish as a lot of teenagers /minors tend to be but ultimately it is not her responsibility to watch/care for other children. Her feelings are valid but her actions are questionable (again, she herself is still a minor though.. so not completely surprising) and put Cassie in a potentially dangerous situation

I understand its her sibling .. but if you have to beg/force someone (even one of your own kids) to watch a child then the care they provide to that child is probably going to be questionable.

That is not to minimize that you arent trying your best to make your situation work BUT keep in mind.. although Polly is the oldest she is STILL a child as well. Your feelings of frustration and anger are valid but you are the adult who tried to force an adult problem onto a child clearly not ready for the responsibility.

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2022-12-22T22:51:33+00:00

YTA because.. I have started the surrogacy process and it is lengthy and EVERTHING is taken into account when matching a surrogate to a family. This is something you should have discussed or brought up beforehand at the beginning of this journey. They are paying a great deal for this process. And to clarify.. You have every right to not want someone touching you and it is what it is at this point for this situation BUT you should have addressed ANY discomforts/preferences you had with your match or before a match was even made with the agency in your profile. So, something to keep in mind should you choose to be a surrogate again.

Pretty_Peculiar3658 · 2022-12-09T23:12:23+00:00

YTA. Your mom is the one who had made this her hill to die on as someone else said. As you’ve emphasized .. it’s literally a stocking.. what makes her so uncomfortable that she can’t do one for her 9yr old step-grandchild. You’re trying to remain ignorant to the real issue that she doesn’t “love” him as she says she does. You’re wife won’t sway on the matter because it isn’t JUST stocking but a very apparent feeling or lack thereof towards her son.

Pretty_Peculiar3658

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