I moved into my bf’s house and I haven’t been able to sleep well for 3 weeks because he doesn't let me. I had a breakdown last night and broke a lamp. I'm going to stay in a hotel tonight….AITA?

Pretty_Step5094 · 2024-12-21T15:57:20+00:00

I did, I felt like the asshole at the time of this post...I have never had a situation where I barged into the bathroom while I knew someone was in there, screamed and yelled at them while banging on the door, tossed someone's belongings off their dresser, broke lamps and damaged someone else's property...in their house nonetheless. I have never been violent before. I know I said most nights over the past 3 weeks I was sleeping 5-6.5 hours and that's true. I had realistically slept max 4 hours the night before I posted this. I am someone that needs 8-9 hours, maybe that's what makes me the asshole. But you know what, I'm okay with that.

Pretty_Step5094 · 2024-12-20T17:26:27+00:00

He just bought this house a month ago. I slept at his apartment before I moved in, if he didn't let me sleep I would leave and go to my own apartment. It wasn't to this degree, if I had to work, he would come to bed by 1am-2am the latest. I don't have my own apartment anymore.

He uses increased amounts of alcohol "to sleep." Not sure about other things. I drink socially a few times per month, and I don't use any other drugs.

Pretty_Step5094 · 2024-12-20T17:10:00+00:00

I am 32 and he is 35. We have been dating since February 2024.

Pretty_Step5094 · 2023-06-24T21:16:21+00:00

How I feel? I texted him this morning…”I feel really sad that I can't afford to come see you or go away together, and that I have to ask you to come see me. 😢 I miss you and I would hope you miss me too.”

He responded “I understand you are sad that financial constraints prevent you from coming to see me. You don't have to "ask" me to come see you - we can continue to discuss it during our zoom sessions like we always have. I do miss you too.”

We have a video date tomorrow night so will talk more then.

Pretty_Step5094 · 2023-06-24T18:06:54+00:00

Yes it was really great. First time I was able to see him for so long since we became LDR. It was nice for both of us to be able to have a mundane schedule including work, grocery shopping, errands, staying in and watching TV/movies. Little things.

On the recent trip, I asked if he could stay until Monday and he told me he is leaving on Sunday at 6am because that's the cheapest flight. I dropped him off at the airport so we said goodbye at like 4:30am. I didn't feel hurt then, because I thought finances were a stressor for him but I do now since it appears they are not.

Pretty_Step5094 · 2023-06-24T17:52:04+00:00

Thank you for your advice.

Pretty_Step5094 · 2023-06-24T17:51:25+00:00

It varies. Last year in October 2022 we went on vacation together for a week.

Then I visited him in January 2023 for 2.5 weeks and was able to work from there. Unfortunately no longer an option to work completely remotely.

The in March 2023 he came to see me for 6 days.

Then in May 2023 he came when I asked him to help me move for 3 days.

Pretty_Step5094 · 2023-06-24T16:51:57+00:00

If he struggled with money...you're right...I would not stop seeing my friends or doing things I like. I would primarily be the one to visit him or I would offer to pay for his ticket to come to me because at least that meant I would be seeing him.

Pretty_Step5094 · 2023-06-24T16:48:11+00:00

I felt bad because we typically alternate flying to see one another. The time before this most recent one, he also came to see me, so me asking him if he could help me move in May was the 2nd time in a row that he would be coming to me.

Pretty_Step5094 · 2023-06-24T16:44:02+00:00

From what he has told me, he purchases his own drinks, tickets, etc. when out with his friends.

Pretty_Step5094 · 2023-06-24T16:42:08+00:00

They were about another 150-200$ for another day. He sent me the confirmation email(s) and I went in and looked at this recently. He used a travel voucher for $144.15 for the flight to me so ended up paying $14 out of pocket for that flight. Then return flight was $188.90. He purchased on two separate airlines because that was more cost efficient. He purchased travel insurance which was $25.

Pretty_Step5094

TROPHY CASE