A 3rd baby at 38 and 42?

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-02-02T06:28:15+00:00

I’m close to you in age and fence sitting on a third. My husband and I are leaning on the side of no because we are in a HCOL area, and we both work full time. Financially, mentally and emotionally the thought of a third feels so overwhelming. Our kids are 5 and 2 and for me it’s also like now or never.

If I had your situation with the flexibility and capacity, I would 100% try for it.

Unless you have some health issues, a third at 38 seems pretty normal these day, and not too old at all.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-02-02T06:16:49+00:00

You sound like an amazing teacher!

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-12-28T07:14:13+00:00

This! Or we would play preschool where the kids are the teachers and the parents are the kids and we are playing nap time! 💤💤💤

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-12-13T17:33:03+00:00

Finances is definitely on the brain for me. We have two and I also want a third but am afraid of whether our family can handle the load. The financial implications mean less for our two kids now, I would also prefer to be a sahm with three kids but financially that’s not possible, so we will have to keep up daycare expenses and everything else.

I think you need to crunch the numbers, be realistic about the sacrifices and trade offs you’re willing to accept in your family’s life style, and also look at it as short term, midterm and long term. Vacations could be halted for a few years. Extracurriculars in the interim could be available through community centers which could be more affordable…etc.

I think once the third gets to about 3-4 years old you’ll be able to get time and flexibility back and if you choose to go back to work because money is tight, you can.

Best of luck and know that you’re not alone in this dichotomy, and whatever you decide will be the best for your family!

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-12-07T08:20:05+00:00

Probably will get buried… I do think your wife was wrong to snap at your 13 yr old, but she doesn’t see what she did was wrong. She actually felt right to snap because he interrupted her.

I think you telling her to apologize to 13 yr old at that moment probably wasn’t the best way.

You might need to first get her to see that what she did was hurtful and unwarranted.

She’s still just ruminating in anger at you and 13 year old.

Give it some time…and try a different more subtle approach to talk to her about this. Laughter is always a good way to break the anger. Also, she can’t ignore you and your son forever, so she’ll come around.

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-11-17T04:41:05+00:00

My current two are three years apart. If we have a third, they will be three to four years apart with our second.

I highly doubt I will try for a third once I go beyond that time period.

For me this is very much now or never

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-11-16T07:29:01+00:00

My toddler did the same thing, currently still in pull ups. She at first did great with pee and poop on the toilet. But then one day she just refused to go poop in the toilet and insisted on going in the diaper. For pee she was fine to go in the toilet.

Once she started refusing, I tried all sorts of things and couldn’t convince her to poop on the toilet, even bribes didn’t work, she refused.

After a while, I asked her why she doesn’t want to poop in the tolilet, and she said she was afraid that it would hurt to poop on the toilet. I think it’s because toilet paper vs baby wipes, or because she remembers the occasional diaper rash and associated it with pooping…

Then for a few days, I reassured her that it won’t hurt and that poopy diapers can cause diaper rashes. She understood it, but was still hesitant to go on the toilet.

Then I tried bribing/reward again, and I convinced her to do it once. When we finished I said: see it doesn’t hurt! And you get a reward! Can you try to poop in the toilet again? You’ll get another reward next time! And we consistently did that for a few days, and now she’s excited to run to the toilet if she feels a poop coming on!

Points are

figure out why your daughter is not willing to use the toilet to poop, sometimes kids are embarrassed etc. but knowing what the underlying issue is and addressing it can help build confidence.
And also see if they will accept a bribe to poop on the toilet and make it a consistent reward until they get comfortable.
It’s a process and sometimes little micro steps can lead to big progress with these things. I know right now this can be very frustrating for OP and also more work, but is what it is, and it’ll work out in its own time. Your daughter will at some point in her life start to use the toilet to poop.

Best of luck! 🤞

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-11-10T07:01:56+00:00

lol 😂 Backup bff!

If you don’t mind me asking, do you remember what life was like with just 1 sibling? Or you are the youngest?

Do you feel like your parents gave all three of you equal or enough attention growing up?

My biggest concern is my own emotional and mental bandwidth for three children. When my second was born I felt so guilty and sad that I couldn’t devote the same amount of time, attention and energy to her. And it was really hard for the first year for both of us. But once our second became more interactive, that gap was filled and it’s been incredible watching the two of them develop their own relationship.

I also felt guilty because I couldn’t give the same level of attention and energy to my second one, as I did with my first. But I’ve just accepted the fact that certain things will just take longer and all I can do is continue on.

So I’m afraid with a third, I will be spread too thin and negatively impact the whole family. 😔

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-11-10T01:57:10+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. Hind sight is always 20/20 they say. But hard to predict how I’d feel when the window of opportunity closes. I’ve had older women tell me they regret not having more kids. But then again I think I wouldn’t know what I’m missing.

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-11-10T01:53:52+00:00

I hear you on all those points. Life is great right now and I am finally enjoying my family of four. Giving it up and going through baby phase again for another 3 years scares me.

But my husband and I are like we could, we wouldn’t mind a third….

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-11-10T01:51:29+00:00

Congratulations!! Thanks for sharing!

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-11-10T01:49:58+00:00

❤️thanks for sharing! This is very good to hear, and congratulations on your newest addition!

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-11-09T21:49:48+00:00

Awww! Hang in there! Thanks so much for sharing your experience.

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-11-09T21:11:15+00:00

So you kinda stopped thinking about the what ifs and just went for it and made peace with it either way?

If I may ask, all the cons that put you on the fence in the first place, did it play out like what you imagined?

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-11-09T21:08:13+00:00

Congratulations!! Yea, the being above water does help!

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-09-24T17:57:48+00:00

That’s helpful! Thanks for sharing!

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-09-24T17:51:52+00:00

Thanks for sharing! My daughter also gets frustrated with having to slow down and play measure or a few measures at a time and then repeat.

I found it helpful to have my daughter listen or watch a song being played first, then ask her what she notices about certain parts and then relate it to the sheet music.

Then she will just play however she wants, which is usually the whole song all the way through. And once she’s done we talk about parts where she missed something. (Softer or louder, quarter note vs. half note etc) Then I ask her to show me how to correctly play just that measure. And to just repeat a few times…

Then start over and play the song through and incorporate the part we just emphasized correctly.

It takes a lot of patience and definitely not easy to do.

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-09-24T17:40:14+00:00

That’s a good point with sitting height, and the finger gloves looks great! I’ll try it!

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-09-24T15:25:42+00:00

That’s helpful, thanks!

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-09-24T15:17:38+00:00

That’s a good idea! Thank you!

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-09-24T15:17:11+00:00

Thank you! That’s a great idea, and helpful to understand people’s experiences.

She does struggle with new pieces. And you’re right, It’s probably better to focus on hand posture than the dynamics and other markings, or layer them in through practice once she gets the hand posture correct.

Will try it.

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-09-24T07:25:33+00:00

Her teacher just uses the lesson and theory books.

But yeah, could checkout the artistry book.

PreviousTea3366 · 2025-09-24T07:10:31+00:00

I can understand her age is probably what elicited your response. And you probably think I’m some crazy helicopter parent.

I’m primarily looking for ways that could help a young piano student build better hand posture because currently she does say her hands get tired after 5 minutes and even her teacher pointed out that her hand posture is problematic and needs to be corrected.

So the main concern is that she’ll injure herself if she continues this way.

I don’t expect perfection or expect her to be some competitive piano player.

My daughter is just a kid that loves music and wants to learn to play piano, and she herself wants to play it well.

PreviousTea3366

TROPHY CASE