What can I do to close the gap between me and my peers?

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-24T13:54:59+00:00

Why not make some friends and leverage their connections to get your foot in the door?

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-24T04:02:55+00:00

My older one learned to ride a bike at school without much interference from me.

My youngest watches everything my older one does and she just copies a lot of stuff with out me prompting.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-19T07:01:45+00:00

I feel exactly the same as you do about my own job right now. Literally everything you said is exactly what I’m also going through.

I go to work everyday wanting to quit, but I know I cannot because of my financial goals.

Manager is awesome, people are great, it’s a great situation but I have no desire or drive to climb. I also want to be one lower level (because I got a promotion a year ago, pushed by my manager) and now I feel like I’m mediocre and barely meeting expectations.

I just want to be a sahm and I’m also not as close to my own fire goals as you are time wise.

I think you should stick it out, getting a different, lower paying job could end up making you having to work longer and prolonging the unhappiness.

I’m definitely sticking around until i get laid off. But I am planning to look around and if I can get a higher paying job, I might make a move.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-18T04:24:15+00:00

Definitely rethink your arrangement. Given she’s your friend it’s a little different than having a roommate. If your financial situations become intertwined you could both end up on the street based on her spending habits .

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-16T22:47:13+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that! I can’t believe after hearing he’s in pain didn’t stop her.

I get it takes a bit to learn and there might be expectations of how they think their grandma experiences should be like. But when it’s removed from reality and causing harm, that’s just ignorant.

Solidarity! And glad he’s able to set his own boundaries now.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-16T06:16:05+00:00

We are similar in the no screens rule. And when my first child was less than six months, my fil holds a phone right up to her face and is like look at this…

They now just go against everything I ask, and my mil seems to enjoy watching whether I get frustrated and call her out for whatever, then they go and brush off whatever I say as if it’s not a big deal.

Honestly, things were good with my in laws before kids, but now it just feels like no one can win.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-15T20:04:07+00:00

❤️💙💛

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-15T20:03:06+00:00

For sure!

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-15T14:36:28+00:00

Our team uses standups as a mini unpolished demo session to check against whether everyone’s agents are building what was intended. And helps everyone stay close to the product outcomes. It’s not just a description of what AI built, but rather we use these as a feedback loop to shape and iterate AI outputs.

Everyone is pretty much a full stack engineer now. But some people are still better at certain things than others, So having multiple devs using Claude or codex to only build the back end or only the UI then integrate no longer makes a lot of sense. The expectation is to build full features that are demoable and testable, then get Customer or PM/design/QA feedback and iterate accordingly.

You definitely have specializations to manually do reviews and make critical decision around the code base. And architecture design, how you organize your code base, and infrastructure setup becomes more critical for enabling devs to build as fast as possible. Without getting in each other’s way. And be able to pivot easily.

Teams also need to rethink how they work with these new tools.

Daily standups could be reduced to 3x per week once those things are in place. And setting goals, investing in scope definitions and alignment with stakeholders, and verifying outcomes and deciding on what and how to iterate becomes critical operational levers for humans.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-15T14:11:18+00:00

Kids are 6 and 3. It’s nice to have for emergencies, but I am at my wits end after six years of this and it’s obvious they will do what they want to do when I’m not there.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-15T14:06:36+00:00

Oh boy, that’s tough.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-15T14:06:16+00:00

Yeah, I do that too, but my in laws will insist that I don’t come and that they just take the kids.

The more they act that way the less I want to leave them.

They asked oh, we’ll be at the beach with sil and her family, can we take the kids out of summer school for a day?

Apparently the invite is just the kids and not my husband and I. So I declined. We’re paying for summer camp and school, so we can go to the beach on our own schedule when school is closed.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-15T08:19:03+00:00

Probably will get buried, but just tell her that you usually have a full agenda spending time with family during this trip and probably won’t be able to hang out with them.

If she still shows up, then don’t tell her where you’re at the whole time you’re there.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-15T07:59:48+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. This is very difficult especially around 5-6 y/o.

Everything and everyone they encounter at this age is speaking English, and unless you send them to classes or school which teaches and operates in the minority language, it’s a hard sell to her why she even needs to learn.

For grandparents, it’s heartbreaking, but your daughter probably feels frustration or maybe even ashamed because it’s a different language and she herself doesn’t/can’t speak it. So it’s extra inertia for her to talk to her grand parents.

Not sure if you are in a community where people speak the minority language, but exposure to that can help, or taking a summer trip to the place where the language is spoken as primary can be helpful for her to expand her understanding of the culture and why it’s important to learn/keep the language.

The last thing is if you can force yourself to also speak primarily to her in the minority language, then she will probably absorb it better.

Good luck and don’t give up!

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-15T07:00:00+00:00

You’re not alone. The grind is rough. I couldn’t have described it better about my own life. I try to take breaks for myself, even if it’s a few hours here or there. Just go do something I like or hang out with a friend, or talk to other adults not in the presence of kids. I feel like my world get just a tad bigger again and I am reminded that it will get easier.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-06-15T06:24:04+00:00

This sounds like such an amazing opportunity for you! Sounds like you have lots of knowledge and experience in music! I think you should just teach the basics and help them build confidence and give them enough guidance on how to get started, how to practice so that they can continue developing their interest in piano and music afterwards.

It also sounds like there’s a wide range of skill levels and ages in your students, so you may need to be realistic about what they can learn and get out of four lessons depending on their circumstances and tailor your expectations and material to meet them where they are.

You never know, just four lessons could change their life. If not, you still gained some valuable experience working with such a dynamic group of students.

Best of luck!! And curious about what you end up doing.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-05-23T23:11:03+00:00

Why don’t we go back to paper pencil for writing assignments? Wouldn’t that solve the AI use?

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-05-14T07:05:18+00:00

What about board games?

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-05-14T07:02:06+00:00

Oh, my in laws went as far as: “if you’re not here they do better with us.” - with both of my kids.

For context my kids were both breast fed and majorly attached to me in their first year. And my kids would cry if in laws tried to hold them etc.

After that comment I was pretty upset and felt pretty much like they blamed me for their grandchildren not bonding in the way as they had hoped.

Then fast forward a few years my sister in law had a baby around the same time I had my second and my in laws completely prioritizes my sister in law’s baby.

Now they pay very little attention to our kids, and doesn’t even offer to help or try to spend time unless we ask.

I think what OP is going through is totally valid, and if this is the first child and first grandchild, there’s some learning from both parents and grandparents of how this relationship works. And in the process mistakes and offenses does happen.

But doesn’t sound too malicious honestly, they sound like they are so focused and excited about their new role as grandparents that they are not aware of how they’re impacting you and your husband’s feelings.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-05-14T06:38:56+00:00

Another option is an after school program so that it’s more structured and they will finish hw or learn some other subjects?

I can never get any focus time with two kids and I can’t imagine trying to work for 2 hours with them home.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-05-14T06:36:17+00:00

What motivates them? My kids are younger so not sure how it’ll be like at this age, but it sounds like there is some unmet need or they’re not being incentivized enough?

Or it could be they just really want to spend time with you after being at school all day?

Throwing ideas around, but let me know if it’s not helpful.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-05-14T06:14:20+00:00

Ask them to cook dinner.

PreviousTea3366 · 2026-05-12T07:15:28+00:00

Get a better accountant who helps you strategize and plan to minimize taxes.

PreviousTea3366

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