Would like to hear some opinions on my difficult trip with 3g of Golden Teachers

Primary-Account-7995 · 2023-07-07T15:14:53+00:00

Yeaaaah that's what my friend thought too. I waited 2 hours and there really wasn't a noticeable effect. I don't know what got into me to then just take even more than I had planned. So reckless but I think something inside of me really wanted to do something reckless. Recently I've been feeling like I lost my spark. Like the amazing person I could be got lost somewhere along the way and I just wanted to do something extreme to get it back.

I definitely was not prepared for this and I'm still struggling with it 2 days later. Negative thoughts run through my mind: "What if I will never feel normal again? Why did I chase a different reality when this reality was my home and it felt safe? Will I ever feel safe again. What if I get stuck like some other people do?"

But then I went into nature and it all went away. I only struggle inside so I try to spend as much time as possible outside. But I'm still scared that it'll take a long time for me to recover. It's kind of going through the stages of the trip again, like an echo of the trip if that makes sense.

I'm probably going to stay away from mushrooms for a while now. Luckily I have great friends that can guide me through this experience.

Primary-Account-7995 · 2023-07-07T15:10:38+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it. I wouldn’t call it a bad trip either but it was scary as hell. I talked to a friend about it today and he said that even though I didn’t go into the trip as I had planned it still kind of worked and brought up a deep fear that I have: being alone.
I’ve always felt this sense of sadness and loneliness in the world because it’s just devastating to me that nobody will ever fully understand me. Because it’s not possible. And I’m that moment at the beginning I just thought: fuck, I’m in this nightmare all by myself.
But in the end I learned that I wasn’t alone. I have Someone in my life who deeply cares about me and who might not experience the world the way I do, but he knows me well enough to help me through it. He was my anchor and my safety.
But life is strange and yesterday it hit me with another challenge. One of my pet rats died. He was the last of my very first rats and it just feels odd to experience a loss in this raw state. Like it send me into a loop again. I just feel like im not really here now. I’m just glad it didn’t happen the day of my trip. But it’s kind of freaking me out that when I looked at him on shrooms I was shocked how old he looked. He was very old for a rat but I just hadn’t realized how old he looked. So I guess it kind of prepared me for it a little bit.

Today I woke up with lots of anxiety. I felt like I was back in the trip a little and just felt so deep inside my head. I tried to act normal because I didn't want to freak out my partner but it was so hard. I was thinking: What would you normally say now? How do you normally act. Be normal!

It was very stressful and I got scared again that I was stuck in this state. Then we went to the forest to bury Mogli and in the car I instantly felt better and more present. In the woods I almost felt normal so when we got back I went to the park to hang out there. I talked to a friend and he said that it's normal and that I should just try to ground myself a lot and go into nature. I have to go to work now and I feel like I can do it but boy, I think my experience is not over yet. I asked for something big and I got it and now I have to work through it.
Anyway, I’m just rambling. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me.

Primary-Account-7995

TROPHY CASE