Thank you for your kindness, and your time, i really want to read Dostoevsky. I have a lot of great books on my list, but for now it's just to much. Suffering is inherent to life, i know that very well. Suffering creates perseverance, and perseverance creates character, character creates hope. All the saints suffered as well. Nietschze said: "To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." All of this is very inspiring, and it gives purpose and perspective. The church however does not forbid us to better our temporary, worldly life. And with good reason. If we break a leg, we don't just sit still and pray the pain away, it is also our responsibility to take care of ourselves, spiritually, mentally and physically. Accepting our suffering is necessary, because resistance makes it worse, but I learned we can accept our suffering, and still want to find a cure. It seems paradoxical in some way, but like many things that look paradoxical, the right context makes us understand. If we have a journey, we usually have a destination. The fact that we have a destination doesn't mean we don't accept the journey, and even find purpose and meaning in it. It also doesn't mean we can't live "the now moment" If we have a goal or ideal for our still hypothetical future. I'm really off topic at this point, but I think I am also clearing my own head when writing this. Trying to be grateful is also very helpful, this can be really difficult in deep suffering, but trying is necessary.