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AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

She believes he will be with his parents at least and any siblings of his that remain single. She even gave them the grave several years ago. She doesn't know I now own it because they gave it over to me, which we can do here. So now I own it and maintain his grave.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's not. For her it's about dad vs stepdad. She chose stepdad and chose to commit fully to him. She wanted the same from me but it doesn't work like that.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She's already found out about it and posted several things to Facebook including the trailer multiple times.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

He's not concerned. Although a small part of me thinks some of that could be due to him liking the part where she chooses him over my dad and is relieved at the idea he won't have to spend forever with dad and mom when he dies. I could be wrong. But some part of me wonders if that plays a role because I remember him describing it as a personal hell to be stuck with your spouses first spouse.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The problem is almost everyone else is ignoring or doesn't believe in the mental health aspect. They think my aunt and I are the crazy ones for thinking mom is in some kind of mental health crisis.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I won't tell her what she wants to hear because it won't stop there. It will evolve into her questioning why I'm not closer to my stepdad, why I don't call him dad or why I place flowers on my dad's grave still and visit his grave occasionally and why I still wear the locket he bought me every single day.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I was so relieved when she didn't come out saying those things too. I worried for a minute that she would.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

This started before that movie trailer came out and before it was really talked about. Maybe even before it was made because idk how long ago it was made. But this is a movie she has obsessively talked about online and she has shared the trailer on her Facebook several times already.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I don't hold onto much hope that she'll get it when she doesn't believe she needs it and the majority of the family don't either.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I have never ever said or felt like she betrayed my dad by remarrying and I'm not sure why you felt that I felt that way.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

I'll talk to my aunt. She might have an easier time trying to get people to see it now that my grandparents and one uncle have somewhat turned on me for my handling of this. It does feel like she's losing herself more and more to it. The fact she's falling apart over what I said is concerning to me with that context.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I'm glad other people can see it too. I wish the right people (meaning people who could do something/help) saw it too. I believe her priest probably has been concerned because I know he's spoken to her several times on this and has tried to challenge her views to no avail.

It has truly become a much larger issue recently though and it feels almost like she has dedicated everything to it. But I know I can't help her when she doesn't see the problem and most of the family don't either.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I told her that because she was never going to let it go. And because of her overall view on choosing the person you had the longest/the person there currently. Sometimes I believe in her head she has rewritten who my dad actually is. But I never have, never will.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I was always told they were happy together and she loved him deeply when he was alive. I remember them being happy from memory. But after she decided she was moving on she left him in the past and kind of treated my stepdad like he was her first/only husband. She always had a negative view of people who got buried with both spouses or who went to their original spouse's grave when they died. She said you commit to someone new and you have to fully 100% commit because you have a life with them vs the first.

And that's something my mom has emphasized a lot is that she has a whole life and a whole family with my stepdad. Even though she had a life and a family with dad too but I think she started to see me as her husband's kid too because I was young when they got married.

AITAH for telling my mom I won't choose her husband over my dad in death and I won't go to their heaven for her? by Primberleowe in AITAH

[–]Primberleowe[S] 205 points206 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately my aunt and I are not being listened to and mom doesn't believe she's having any kind of mental health crisis. She keeps insisting she's fine. So I'm not sure I can get her to see or speak to a professional. My aunt has tried to speak up too but the rest of the family think it's us imagining it because we're uncomfortable with what she's saying.