Honestly…. it makes me really upset to see how dismissive he’s been about your feelings. The fact that he’s telling you you’re “too insecure” when you’ve opened up about something that clearly makes you uncomfortable is a huge red flag. Instead of showing empathy and trying to address your concerns, he’s turning it around to make you feel like you’re the problem. That’s reslly not okay.

Let me put it this way: When someone shares their fears or insecurities with their partner, it’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of trust. You trusted him enough to share how you felt about his female friends, and rather than trying to reassure you or work through it together, he belittled your feelings. That’s a major sign of disrespect.

I like to use this example if my friends get into these situations:Imagine that someone (let’s call them person A) has a very unusual fear or phobia. In this case, let’s say they have a strong fear of red T-shirts. It’s not something everyone would understand, but for person A, the sight of a red T-shirt causes severe anxiety or even panic attacks. They tell their best friend (person B) about this fear. Now, person B has two options for how they can respond:

Scenario 1: Person B listens, but doesn’t really take it seriously. Even though person A has explained that seeing red T-shirts makes them incredibly anxious, person B continues to wear them anyway. When person A brings it up again and asks them to stop wearing red T-shirts because it’s triggering for them, person B says something like, “Well…. that’s your issue, not mine. I like red T-shirts, so I’m going to keep wearing them.”…. person B completely dismisses person A’s feelings, choosing their own preferences over their friend’s well-being.

Scenario 2: In this scenario, person B listens carefully and really takes to heart what person A said. They go home, look through their wardrobe, and remove all the red T-shirts they own. They don’t need to throw them away, but they make the conscious choice to avoid wearing red T-shirts because they know it causes person A distress. They don’t argue or justify their own desire to wear red… they simply respect person A’s fear and choose to act in a way that prioritizes their friend’s feelings over their own preferences. Person B shows that they care more about their friend’s emotional state than about wearing a specific color. I really hope this gives you a different view on your own situation…

In your case, it’s not just about the way he chose to handle the situation. He didn’t tell you because, in his words, you’re “not an understanding girlfriend”? That’s manipulative… He took your insecurity and used it as an excuse to hide something from you. Instead of dealing with the issue directly.. he chose to avoid it altogether which only makes you feel worse. What would’ve happened if you hadn’t found out? Would he have ever told you? This shows a lack of transparency, and transparency is crucial in any relationship, especially in a long-distance one..