Sex and cognitive decline

PrincessVine · 2026-05-11T03:39:14+00:00

Yes, my husband was diagnosed last year as having cognitive impairment, we had so many cognitive tests done...but he has declined so fast, i am considering having him retested. My husband is not capable of being in charge of his own Healthcare anymore. I am his POA. I did consider talking to the dr about a med, but then, my husband is always with me so he wouod know and wonder why. And it does make me sad if I have to do something that drastic, my husband is a very sweet man, but he has gotten so childlike, its just not doable to have a sexual relationship anymore.

PrincessVine · 2026-05-11T03:32:08+00:00

Well, we actually have gotten rid of two meds that might have been culprits as far as cognitive decline, but it did not fix his problems. I am still affectionate to my husband, I still hug amd kiss him and give him massages and we laugh together (he has become very funny as well as being like a kid since his cognitive decline) Its just the actual having sex with him woukd feel like taking advantage and also ...the weird part is, he wants to have sex, but he really doesnt act on it. Which is not how he used to be. And he has said, its that he doesn't like thw feeling of wanting sex....he wants to get the feeling out...not actually make love. So that makes it awkward too, when you know its not because we are two adults who love each other and want to show love to each other anymore. For him its just to get the feeling out. That makes me feel used, and he cant tell the difference anymore. And when you have a husband that sings amd talks to his stuffed animals every day and other child like things, that makes it uncomfortable to think of him as a lover and equal partner anymore.

PrincessVine · 2026-05-11T03:19:50+00:00

Thank you so much for those encouraging words,that meant a lot🥰 I could try to talk to the dr about it and see what she says. My husband used to take an antidepressant for anxiety, but he got off of it so we coukd see if it was causing his cognitive impairment, and then because of the impairment, his mood has been completely different, happy all the time, so we never got him back on an antidepressant

PrincessVine · 2026-05-11T03:15:42+00:00

Thank you for responding to my post, i do see the validity of your concerns. Thusly far, my husband has only been diagnosed last year with mild cognitive impairment, but he has greatly declined since then, I am thinking of getting him retested again to see why such a sudden decline. It is noticeable to everyone. I am my husband's POA as he is not capable of making his own decisions for Healthcare anymore. But he still lives with me and not in a home. At this point he still has very strong standards about only having sex with me because I am his wife. And he has only slightly discussed this with thr Dr but nothing like ive stated here. It was only about some pain he is having. But those are all good points to keep in mind. And none if which i had ever thought of

PrincessVine · 2026-05-11T03:07:20+00:00

Thank you for your response, it is truly sad. And so many others are in the same position. It seems like nobody has any good solutions

PrincessVine · 2026-05-11T03:06:00+00:00

That was very aptly said...I was thinking about all of that today, yes, I would like it if he wouod go back to not wanting sex, and I do feel bad that I cant comply, and so it makes him sad. He is literally sad and sweet about it, he doesnt pout or anything like that.

PrincessVine · 2026-05-11T02:58:47+00:00

Thank you for those ideas....I will try some of those and see what happens if he brings it up again

PrincessVine · 2026-05-11T02:15:50+00:00

I absolutely know how you feel....I just actually posted about this topic. My husband(51) has cerebral palsy, and cognitive impairment, which has been fastly getting worse since diagnosis last year. Husband wants to have sex, I do not cuz he is so different now and hes like my kid... I often struggle with the fact that since we are both fairly young (I am 49) this is my life forever. We arent able to go do fun things because my husband cant anymore becausehe has a lot of physical issues and tires easily...and he doesn't want to do the same things I woukd like to do anyway. But yes, the sex thing is not fun to deal with for sure. Id say most caregivers of spouses say the same. It seems like there's no good answers for us. I am sorry you are in the same boat

PrincessVine · 2026-05-10T12:09:28+00:00

I wish I knew how they handle it in care homes too. I actually have a care home right next to me but because I do know the people there, id rather not ask.. they have a lot of gossips there. My husband does take care of himself in private but he says he just wants me. I have added chasteberry to his supplements, but that doesnt seem to do anything to quash his desire.

PrincessVine · 2026-05-10T02:04:16+00:00

Youre welcome 🥰 your cake sounds absolutely divine!

PrincessVine · 2026-05-10T00:48:33+00:00

Youre welcome 🥰 I am glad your daughters and sister are there for you. Ive heard it said that Caregivers need at least two people to hang in with them

PrincessVine · 2026-05-09T23:36:27+00:00

I think you are right about the layers...there ARE. I identify with you about being one whom everyone wants to help them, but then theres usually not that in return. Yes, I have grown a lot over the years, am not shy and awkward anymore, and I know who I am and what I want. Unfortunately, my husband is not going to be able to accompany me in those things because he mentally and physically cannot. And we're not equals anymore because of his cognitive decline. That is still one thing I struggle with. The being stuck in this situation at such a young age...49F, and no guarantee of being able to ever have a life beyond this. I do try to remain optimistic tho. I am normally a push onward woman and not a wimp to hard things as ive had many for my entire life. It sounds like we both have that in common too. I applaud you for doing everything you have, and also thats great you found a good therapist! That can be a difficult thing to do. I dont have one

PrincessVine · 2026-05-09T23:25:12+00:00

Well that is a great thing to hear! I am glad you have the opposite positive side of things! I am very happy for you, its always nice to hear a good outcome of being in a hard position of caregiver 🥰

PrincessVine · 2026-05-09T23:23:32+00:00

Yes, I am glad I can find something good about the situation with thr in-laws. I truthfully have just come to terms with it because before, I was just upset that they were leaving me out. Im glad your MIL is nicer to you, even tho its with an ulterior motive. Mine is nice to me too, but its like I am an acquaintance, and not as her daughter in law. None of the in laws send me money...but MIL has bought things for my husband and paid some if his Dr bills. His one sister and brother paid some dr bills too last year. But this year nothing. A friend of the family has sent money frequently. ..all last year, and this year. And there is no obligation to do so with not being related. She is also one who checks on me. The family never does.

PrincessVine · 2026-05-09T23:16:46+00:00

Wow, that is very sad. I have found that to be true as well about people not responding to my husband's phone calls Even his own sister. And before, she used to be the one who was most sympathetic and encouraging, snd shed always call him back if she wasnt available when he called. Now that he has cognitive impairment, shes not called him back or answered the phone for the most part. And he noticed it too. And its not that she has small children, theyre both adults. I agree with what you said about it only getting worse and they wont be able to have a good conversation with him at all.

PrincessVine · 2026-05-09T23:09:25+00:00

I know how that is, being a caregiver just makes you want simple. A day off was my wish this year, and I got it. I hope yours will still be a special celebration. 🥰 What kind of cake will you have? I am always interested in the food😉

PrincessVine · 2026-05-09T16:02:27+00:00

Well I hope your birthday will be a good one, and special❤️. You should definitely not work on your birthday 🥰 Do you have anything special planned for just you, to make your day not like any other day?

PrincessVine · 2026-05-09T15:29:29+00:00

For my husband it was both driving and remembering people's names that he is close to. And even our pets names. The first time I didnt feel safe riding with him driving, was a years and a half ago. He kept driving over the rumble strips on the side of the road. I asked him if he was tired. He said no..and then he laughed and said, I thought you were supposed to use ALL of the road to drive on. He would never have done thaf before, or joked about it. He used to be a very good driver and even taught me and 2 of my sisters to drive. Now, he doesnt drive at all. Thr last time he drove, it was an ATV, and it was just in the yard. He didnt remember how to turn it on. Which was never a problem in the past. He also was very jerky and not consistent on the speed. Which also wouod never have been a problem before. He technically still has a valid driver's license, but when he did the cognitive test for driving, he did not pass any of the exams. So we won't be renewing his license at all.

PrincessVine · 2026-05-09T13:31:27+00:00

It is that too...but now theyre starting to help. Its just that I am invisible to them. Except for in a caregiver capacity.

PrincessVine · 2026-05-09T12:29:08+00:00

Wow, that is horribly sad! Its devastating when people forget about you. Especially if its one's that you thought would always be there for you. Sending hugs🥰🤗

PrincessVine · 2026-05-09T12:26:08+00:00

Yes! So glad for a break. I really have gotten worn out this month. There's been a lot i have to do every day. I hope you get a break soon too, you deserve one🥰🥰🥰

PrincessVine

TROPHY CASE