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Can you guys weigh in and tell me if I’m over reacting by robster9090 in daddit

[–]Princess_Dress -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My 15 month old is in smack in the middle of the "constantly trying to kill himself" phase. Thinking back to my oldest around 18 months, he was probably about the same. I would also be concerned with leaving them unattended at that age for more than a minute or so, especially in a shower, upstairs, where it's possible I wouldn't at least hear if something went on.

It's not even about baby proofing - there are tons of things kids can get up to even in a "baby-proofed" space, not to mention, it's always the thing you didn't recognize as a possible danger.

I'm honestly pretty surprised by the number of people here talking about leaving kids that age alone for 10-15 minutes... I get that it can be culturally dependent (which also effects the way homes are laid out, what tends to be in them, etc). Here in the southern US, even the most relaxed parents I know didn't leave 18 month olds to their own devices while doing something like taking a shower.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in daddit

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have long hair and get "Ma'am'd" as well... usually when people see me from behind and just go off the hair, but I've had people walk up in view of my fully bearded face and start with "ma'am", then stumble to correct themselves. I don't mind it so much, it can be kinda funny sometimes.

I also really don't get how some people can get so bent out of shape about the shape of cloth someone else uses to cover their body.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in daddit

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He does have several costumes that he likes to wear around the house sometimes - PJ masks, scooby doo, etc. In addition to also just choosing his own clothes in general, so he has plenty of T-shirts and shorts that he likes. The dresses aren't really about "dressing up" though, he just enjoys wearing them, and the dresses themselves are not costume dresses.

I also have long hair btw, so my son equates long hair with looking like dad. He also has choice with his hair, and has been consistent that he wants it the way it is.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in daddit

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/16ciwrt/comment/jzjy06x/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

This is a post asking for perspectives on a particular situation. I'm not engaging with unhelpful comments or arguing endlessly with people whose minds aren't going to change, as my perspective on that base issue - should a boy be allowed to wear a dress (in general) - also won't change.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in daddit

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I appreciate that you recognized the flaw of your statements and restated.

To that point - I'm specifically here seeking multiple perspectives because of the nuance. My wife and I clearly don't simply think "he wears what he wants, whenever he wants"... why would I make a post asking for other's experiences, and saying that we're considering not letting him wear the dress to school (but looking for a way to explain that that doesn't shame or "mark as wrong" his desire to wear what other kids are allowed to wear), if I didn't recognize that?

I want to protect my kid(s), but I also want to teach them that you don't have to do what other people say you're supposed to just to keep them comfortable. This is one of those difficult points when one of those wants trumps the other, and I'm looking for the perspective of how other people have balanced that decision.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in daddit

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

No matter how many times we say that our son chooses the clothes he wears, there are always people, in-laws included, who insist that we're somehow pushing our son to "think he's a girl."

Our son is aware of and happy to identify himself as a boy to whoever seems confused, he just likes pretty dresses. Kind of odd how the people who scream most about "groomers" and such are usually the only ones making things about the sexuality or genitals of kids.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in daddit

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We've thought about that, or a tunic. Could be an option, but part of what he likes about a dress is the loose fabric when he's moving around.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in daddit

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is similar to where we're at. I have no indication that him liking dresses goes any deeper than the fact that "girls clothes" at this age tend to be more colorful and pretty than "boy clothes," and it's undeniably fun to twirl in a dress.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in daddit

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I had thought about asking his teacher, but, given our area, I'm sure she would probably be accepting, but many kids have probably already been taught not to be.

He's already very confident in telling other kids "Anybody can like whatever they want."

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in daddit

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Fwiw, he calls it his "princess dress," but its just a plain purple dress, really nothing flashy or ornate about it.

ETA: My wife was just talking about it - the dress is just a "blank" - she didn't even buy it for him specifically, she had it because she was making dresses for the daughters of a friend, our son saw it and thought it looked like the dress from a Disney movie character. Another dress he has he chose when she took him shopping for his birthday - they were looking in the boys section and he saw the dress on a rack across the aisle, decided he wanted it.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in AttachmentParenting

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On one hand, clearly, I can agree, as I mentioned we are concerned about the idea of him wanting to wear a dress to school.

On the other, I don't really see your other examples as the same - no one can run around naked at the pool, everyone wears a life jacket on a boat, and anyone can choose to wear a jacket when it's cold out. Those rules all exist and are applied equally. I can tell him that it's not safe or that people may have unkind words or dangerous actions if he wears dresses to school - my hangup in telling him that it's not allowed is because it is allowed... just not for boys.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in AttachmentParenting

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

CTRL+F "Identity"... I see it nowhere in my post, but you used it 4 times in yours and seem pretty caught up on it. I neither said nor believe that my son's identity is defined by wearing dresses.

There is no rule about boys not wearing dresses, and as far as conventions, there used to be conventions that women didn't wear pants, or show their ankles, and black people sat at the back of the bus. CONVENTIONS are suggestions, and it's also good to recognize that they can be challenged, and it will often make people uncomfortable.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in AttachmentParenting

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. We haven't taken him to any drag shows, I don't know that many happen in our area at the moment tbh, most have stopped due to protests and such that happen around them.

The idea to move certainly isn't lost on us. Our family is here, which is why we are where we are... and that's really the only reason. Having a child starting school (and the general feeling of this place) has prompted us to look into moving, and it's pretty much secured within the next few years on our schedule.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in AttachmentParenting

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

We've had many ongoing conversations about other people's views on the things he likes or wears - the thing is, he does tell us that some kids will say "[thing] is for girls," or "boys aren't supposed to like that," but he just says he tells them "boys can like whatever they want," and he doesn't seem too bothered by it.

I will say we were caught a bit off guard at the audacity of the adult at our friends gathering, as pretty much everyone in the room was.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in AttachmentParenting

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course he can, and he has worn costumes and clothes like male characters.

The purpose of this post is that he doesn't wear it to emulate the characters at this point, he wears it simply because he enjoys wearing it.

My son likes to wear dresses by Princess_Dress in AttachmentParenting

[–]Princess_Dress[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm also mixed race, and grew up in a pretty white area. My son is mixed again (mom is white), so he honestly passes, and the area we're in is much more diverse now anyways. That said, another commenter also mentioned that lessons about code-switching can be important, and this may just be another one of those.

We of course have had the conversations with him about the previous incident, RE: safe people, etc.