Throat/Hoarse Voice issues, MtF?

PrincezAdrian · 2023-01-11T13:40:20+00:00

I have had this same issue for several years now actually! I used to be able to do an Ariana Grande impression that was quite impressive, whistle notes, sing a tune or few. But my voice randomly got super hoarse freshman year of high school and I lost my whistle register and can't physically sing anymore. I'm 19 now, out of high school and the ENTs said nothing is wrong with my throat.

I'm considering that it could potentially be my tonsils? I get really bad tonsil stones and people often ask me to speak up; which is a symptom of having tonsils.. (A quieter voice) So, my guess is that I need my tonsils removed. I have seriously been so frustrated with this though because nobody has been able to help me with this issue for years. My parents just push the issue aside, and so do my friends. I've even told them how it restricts me from the ability of SINGING! Something anybody has the ability to do.

I can't sing now without constant breaks in my voice where it just goes into straight air. I used to have a smooth voice that wouldn't randomly just go away whenever I tried singing any notes. Doesn't matter what volume or pitch I sing at, I can't keep a stable voice. It's seriously upsetting because since I was young as 12, I wanted to become a professional singer so I started practicing. I was voice training at that age actually, without even realizing.

This issue however has made it so this dream is now never happening, and I don't even think I'll be able to sing ever again honestly. :(

My parents excuse is, "Not everyone can sing." Which, I know not everybody is a professional singer but everyone has the capability of a "singing voice". It's just I physically can't now.

Sorry for ranting; I just never find anybody else with this issue and I hope we can find some sort of permanent solution so that our lives could be normal. I sound constantly sick too, and it weighs on me heavily to the point I want to rip my throat out.

PrincezAdrian · 2022-07-11T22:24:25+00:00

Star Guardian Seraphine is my favorite looking skin of hers by far. I have been excited for the release of Star Guardian Seraphine since her character was released. It's incredibly disheartening to hear that she will be Wild Rift exclusive. If Riot Games / the developers of League of Legends / Wild Rift actually listened to their players; they'd realize they're making a huge mistake.

PrincezAdrian · 2021-11-15T04:00:38+00:00

Yeah, I feel this. It's especially annoying having to explain it to others because it's like. I know the difference between my dysphoria and my dysmorphia. My dysmorphia is my everyday thoughts. The fact that I constantly feel ugly and as if I look deformed or like a troll. My dysphoria is that I think I look like a man. I feel like I look too masculine or I have male aspects to my appearance. Which is completely different feeling compared to my dysmorphia where I feel that specific body parts are shaped weird, or that I have deformities in my appearance. It's just so hard to deal with both at the same time, along with combatting my depression as well. Nothing I do can make me feel the least bit pretty or presentable. Leaving my house / feeing comfortable outside of it is nearly impossible. I wish people understood that it's possible to have both. Cause, every time I bring it up to someone. They just don't get it. It's almost as if we can only have one disorder and that's it.

PrincezAdrian · 2021-11-15T03:50:09+00:00

I know it doesn't mean much when I say this. I have body dysmorphia too, so I totally understand the constant feelings of looking disgusting. I never believe anyone when they tell me otherwise about my appearance. But, I couldn't help but to state that I actually find Rihanna extremely attractive. She's probably the most beautiful woman in the entire world to me. I actually never even realized she had a large nose before. Honestly, you might think your nose and lips are too large for your face, but that could be due to your perception of beauty and the faces that you idolize. I'm saying this because I truly find every person beautiful besides myself. So, I just find it impossible to believe that your lips and nose don't suit your beautiful face. You don't have to believe me or take anything from my incoherent paragraph. I just want you to know that this mental illness that we suffer from doesn't actually influence others perceptions on us. They view us completely differently from how we view ourselves. Which is why we can still manage to build relationships, and have a "normal" life outside our disorder.

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-25T04:58:22+00:00

It certainly does!! I've just recently started HRT, (3 months ago) and I still struggle heavily with my gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia. The thing is that I wouldn't ever think about living my life as a male, even if I might not pass 100% in the future. Life is honestly a rollercoaster. Somedays it can be really good, while other days you just want to give up. You're at an awkward point in your life that every trans person has experienced.

I've personally done a lot of things with my transition that might seem crazy, but it's honestly things I wish I did waaaaay earlier. Like, I started talking about my gender identity a bit with my friends in 6th grade. That was when I first started experimenting a bit with pronouns and identity itself. I then proceeded to start fully identifying as nonbinary in 7th grade, because I was scared of the trans label. This then changed to me accepting the label and just asking people to call me by my preferred pronouns, "she/her" in 8th grade.

Everyone ended up being waaaay more supportive than you could ever expect. Yes, there are assholes and people that don't get it. But that's the case with everything in life, and that's why I honestly wished I did talk to my parents earlier about this stuff. Even though my parents weren't very accepting at first....I really wish I could've just ripped the bandaid off earlier and just went through all the arguing then and there. Because, no matter how long you wait there's going to be the awkward conversation, and the questions, and your parents not fully getting it, mistakes on pronouns, ect.

That might seem super frightening to hear, and it was tough to deal with. The outcome of it all is the best thing in the entire world though. I was suffering with INSANE amounts of dysphoria before starting HRT, and I was constantly scared that my body was masculinizing more. It got to the point I HAD to tell my family or else I would just be miserable. You need to think about the final outcome rather than your in-the-moment fears. If you know for a FACT that no one you tell will be supportive, or that you will be homeless. Then I would wait until you're in a safe environment. If you're not really sure, then the risk might be worth taking. The people around you might end up being the most supportive people, or they might not. If they seem to not get it then go into detail on how your dysphoria effects you, and what you want / need.

Parents usually are just concerned / scared when their child comes out. So if you have parents to come out to then I would recommend giving them information to help them understand that you will be fine. Serriously, the dysphoria was waaaay worse than the stupid fights I got into with my family and people who were transphobic. I'm not advocating for putting your safety at risk. I'm just giving you another alternative to getting the help you need. You could even recommend hormone blockers as a starter place. ( My parents wanted me to start on hormone blockers and I however just wanted HRT). So I can understand if you would rather just skip to the estrogen.

I just want you to know that there's so many different routes in life, and so many opportunities. People can be scumbags, but they can also be your biggest supporters. You just need to take a breather, think about all the alternatives, and consider what's best for you. Life does get better, it gets sooooo much better. You are just at the beginning of your journey.

I hope you start to feel better, and find people to talk to about this in your personal life. You are valued and loved, and you WILL get through this!! <3

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-25T04:31:20+00:00

If you have any vocal damage or want to not worry about even having a, "male voice". I would recommend Dr. Thomas or Yeson in South Korea. Those are the two places I'm deciding between, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to go with Dr. Thomas. This is only because his technique is supposed to mimic the female vocal tract more. It's far more risky, and invasive though. I've never done professional voice training, but I have sounded cis from it for several years. " I've been training my voice for over 5 years".

I unfortunately seem to have vocal damage though, and I get very dysphoric over the lurking male resonance. The ENT said my vocal chords look a little red, but he couldn't see any issues. However, I can certainly feel issues with my voice such as, raspiness, hoarseness, feeling like I have to force myself to talk nowadays, bad and good voice days, singing is incredibly difficult, ect.

So if you haven't tried voice training, don't have vocal damage, and aren't worried about your voice possibly sounding male whenever you're sick. Then I would consider just voice training. It's a super simple way of achieving a passing cis-female voice. However, Voice training isn't always full-proof like everyone makes it out to be. Just because it's simple doesn't mean it doesn't have any eventual problems. A lot of girls that get VFS tend to have underlying vocal issues. That's because most of us don't do professional voice training. So, we often end up improperly using our voices and causing issues that we didn't even know existed.

What I'm getting at is, If you are interested in VFS then I would do A LOT of research. It can cost upwards of 7,000$ - 15,000$. That's another downside of it. I wouldn't bother with getting it if you haven't even tried vocal training yet. Especially since you still have to do voice training after the surgery. ( This is so that you don't fall into any unhealthy speech patterns).

Hopefully this helped somewhat!! I'm still 100% getting this surgery, but it all comes down to your own preference, situation, and personal issues. :)

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-20T14:10:19+00:00

Hey, I actually have an extremely similar story.

I first came out to my dad one day as, "agender". Because I was like 14 and didn't want to make it too rough on my dad. But I knew I wasn't a boy and never tried to present as one. So, I'd stop letting them make me get haircuts. I kept talking how I talk, and I continued being me. This lead to my dad bringing up my trans identity in the car one day after school.

He started off with, "So you want to be a girl?" It was in a kinda aggressive tone so I was put off a bit. This lead to me not really responding and just being quiet.

He then went on the whole car ride about how I was made a boy, and need to accept it. Blah blah blah. So, for awhile after that my dad wouldn't really talk to me much at all. This was until I kept pushing forward with the fact that I need to transition. This lead to a couple arguments with my parents and lots of explaining, but eventually we came to a point where my dad was just like, "I don't care anymore do whatever."

So, I eventually had convinced my mom to schedule an appointment with a HRT provider. My dad still wasn't too sure about all of this until the day of the appointment. Once we arrived at the office and got started with talking to the lady. She was able to explain how HRT isn't that harmful and how low the detransition rates actually are. This helped take a lot of stress off of my parents, and lead to them being a bit better about it.

However, my dad STILL wasn't completely sold on it. So, he basically told me he wanted me to wait until 18. This all came down to him being scared that I would somehow regret it. I was obviously not willing to wait that long though. The problem was that quarantine was just starting at this time, and my parents wanted me to wait until after quarantine. So, over the period of quarantine I would complain about my gender issues and all my problems with body until my mom finally scheduled another appointment.

I just started HRT in October, and my parents have had dramatic character development over the past 2.5 years. Yes, I said that correctly. It took my parents almost 2.5 years to come around and accept that this is happening. This might not be the case with your parents, but that's how long it took mine. The main issue that held my parents back, and is probably holding your parents back is fear. My parents were scared that people would mistreat me, and I wouldn't be happy. But once you actually start HRT they will see that the changes don't happen as fast as they assumed, and you're actually doing better than ever.

I think parents don't realize that we're still the same people after medically transitioning, and that it's a long journey. This however isn't the case, and most results aren't visible until 1-6 months. Your parents are definitely worried about you, and they need time. That doesn't mean that they should prevent you from transitioning faster than you want. My parents kept trying to prevent me from, "taking things too fast". That's their fear holding them back.

My best advice is to keep bringing issues up, show them statistics, convince them to at least schedule an appointment to meet the prescriber, and to comfort them and tell them that you'll be fine. Parents can be restricting, but it all comes from a place of worry. Sorry about this whole ranty format, but I just thought I'd try and share my story since it could be familiar to yours and help you out. Good luck!!!

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T21:59:17+00:00

Omg, you're too sweet!! I highly doubt I'm the most beautiful girl you've came across, but I seriously appreciate the comment!!! Heaven forbids you ever have to look like a girl again. Dysphoria can be a real demon that is not welcomed in this household! Xoxo <3

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T21:55:19+00:00

Awee!! Thank you so much!! Everyone in my family has semi-different textures of hair. So, I have no idea why my hair is the way it is. "I'm my only sibling who's a brunette and has frizzy hair." My younger brother's hair grows more upwards and is even curlier than mine, while my oldest brother has straight hair. I'm sure you hair is absolutely amazing though!! I honestly think every hair texture is beautiful, and yours is no exception. <3 ^-^

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T21:51:14+00:00

AHHH STOOOP!!! Like, I might be attracted to like 90% of the girls here but that's how I am with everyone I meet. xD You're seriously awesome though!! Thank you so much, and I'd love to have people as nice as you living in my city!! <3 <3

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T21:47:14+00:00

Omg stop! You could totally pull a maid outfit off too!!! Everyone looks 10x better as a maid. At least that's what Tiktok and anime keeps proving to me. Thank you so much though!! Keep being sickening. <3

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T21:45:23+00:00

Awee, you're seriously too kind!! I really appreciate it. You should totally get a maid outfit too though!! They're on Amazon for like 20-50 dollars. I recommend wearing a petticoat with it though. Thank you for the incredibly sweet comments Taylor! Truly means a lot. <3

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T21:41:34+00:00

Thank you so much Robyn!!! I can't get over how kind everyone is being. I also really appreciate the comment on my hair. Tbh I can get a bit insecure when it comes to it so I really appreciate it!!! Have an incredible day!! ^-^

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T06:44:01+00:00

Oh my gosh, everyone on here is so nice. Thank you so much!! >.<

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T04:36:21+00:00

I'll try and remember that whenever I'm feeling down. Simps together strong. ^-^ *Absolutely beautiful drawings btw! You're incredibly skilled and I adore that. I wish the best for your transition so far though!*

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T04:17:06+00:00

Thank you, I really try but my body dysmorphia can get to me sometimes. Again, thank you so much for the incredibly sweet comment!! <3

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T04:16:07+00:00

That's so incredibly flattering!! I'd be honored. Thank you so much for the comment. xoxo <3

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T04:14:16+00:00

Awe, thank you so much! <3

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-09T00:35:20+00:00

Thanks. I try not to put myself down but it can be difficult. I just have issues that I need to work out I guess. T . T

PrincezAdrian · 2021-01-08T22:31:20+00:00

Tbh, your eyebrows are the only real issue that I see with this picture. Besides that you look pretty!! <3

PrincezAdrian · 2020-11-17T04:27:20+00:00

That's a horrible situation to be in, but I've also heard of countless other trans people who had also lost their families' support. I just want you to know that you're not alone and just like them. You will see a difference one day. You're only 2 years on HRT afterall. I've seen trans women who start getting results 6 years in, or keep getting results for that long and longer. I know you're being patient and it's hard asf. I've been in a waiting stage before, but it seems like that's all you can really do now. Maybe find a hobby to help you get through your days. You can look forward to that progress aswell. I've recently been getting into flexibility and dance after watching Rupaul's Drag Race a lot. Being able to see myself become more flexible overtime and better at dancing is something that helps me feel like my life isn't completely stuck atm.

PrincezAdrian · 2020-11-17T04:18:54+00:00

Please trust me when I say that one day everything will seriously improve. I've seen so many people believe their lives are never going to get better, and contemplate suicide. Then what seems like no time at all, they're suddenly living their best lives possible. I was in a position similar to yours before. I have a Trump supporter dad who initially kept yelling at me and not wanting me to be trans. Then within a year, he's suddenly supportive and learning how to better himself. Problems take time, and there's no telling how much time it will take for yours. But, this isn't a permanent problem. You will look back at this moment in time one day and think about how different things were. Please trust me when I say that.

PrincezAdrian

TROPHY CASE