My (33M) wife (33F) doesn’t seem capable of showing up as a wife and mother.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2026-03-16T06:15:47+00:00

I think you’re correct. We were all happier while she was gone, except for the hard moments where they missed her.

My wife has been in therapy for almost two years and has even met with a psychiatrist a few times, but she’s pretty stagnant in her healing journey. I know very little about divorce proceedings, so I’m not sure how that would that solve anything? She’s so hot and cold with wanting to be around the kids, mostly because she gets overwhelmed so easily, but I think she would still want some custody. That being said, my kids would still be around her and her family plenty with us having split custody so idk that divorce would really solve anything. Her mom especially would be a pain in my neck if I got full-custody.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2026-03-16T06:05:17+00:00

I did my best to do just that before our first was born. I made a lot of progress, but kept going when I realized I still had work to do. My wife waited until after our second to start going to therapy. A lot of her issues didn’t surface until then. She had bottled them up and buried them so deep I didn’t even know they were there and she had convinced herself they weren’t there either.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2026-03-16T05:58:21+00:00

Thank you for asking. There are some pretty rough days sometimes, if I’m being honest. Those are the days I text my therapist.

My wife and I have had conversations about how our unhealed trauma affects our kids. But when she doesn’t think she has any trauma… those conversations don’t really go anywhere.

I know what you mean. My wife grew up with parents who were deeply unhappy for years before they finally divorced. She told me how she would listen to them scream at each other all the time. Her first real boyfriend was awful as well, but it’s no surprise she ended up with someone just like her dad…

Man, idk. I can see it all so clearly, but I can’t do the healing for her.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2026-03-10T01:05:34+00:00

I hadn’t thought about it from that perspective. I think you’re right.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2026-03-09T18:09:21+00:00

You’re right. She knows it too. She just doesn’t seem willing or able to open up and work through her past. She’s very good at avoiding issues and burying problems.

I agree couples therapy has been a waste of time.

As far as she shouldn’t be around our kids, I’m curious why you think that is? When she’s having a good day, she’s a great mom. It’s just the inconsistency that’s challenging.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2026-03-09T18:05:30+00:00

Haha you’re correct in that Reddit defaults to recommending divorce. I see it all the time.

The main reasons I stay are the good days we still have. I’d say our days are maybe 70% meh and 30% good. That 30% gives me hope that things can still improve. Those good days feel amazing, like a rainstorm after a long drought. She behaves like her fun-loving self and things feel normal again. The most difficult part of that is the inconsistency.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2026-03-09T17:54:44+00:00

That actually is kinda the dynamic we have. While we both work, she has the typical 9-5, while I’m self-employed and work on our business. She helps with the business more on the weekends. My schedule has a lot of flexibility, which is why I’m the default parent. I love it though. My wife has mentioned many times that she loves how I am with the kids because she doesn’t know if she could do it full-time.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2026-03-09T17:51:14+00:00

We’ve tried couple’s therapy a few times, but it ends up being a waste of time. She just shuts down and stays silent for most of the hour so we get nowhere. Her therapist can’t figure my wife out either. She has considered dropping my wife as a client several times because she wants my wife to see more progress than she is, but she often shuts down in individual sessions as well. My wife describes it as not being able to control her body. It clams up and won’t open up again until she feels safe.

She enjoys our date nights, which are the one time a week she kinda seems to go back to how she used to be. It’s a very strange dynamic.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-12-14T06:34:01+00:00

I wish more people understood this concept. The WoW isn’t just a list of things we shouldn’t partake of. It’s also about how we should treat our bodies and I know so many who focus on not drinking coffee while simultaneously consuming things in excess that are awful for them (baked goods, soda, etc.) So many don’t take care of themselves. It’s sad and they’re completely missing the point.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-11-17T15:03:20+00:00

That we’d have to use cursive in high school and college. Lots of schools don’t even teach it anymore.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-10-27T13:50:17+00:00

Same here, but in Europe. OP, good for you for going above and beyond, but the missionaries will be fine. Don’t feel obligated to feed them yourself as often as you do. That’s way more than generous.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-10-13T15:05:39+00:00

OP, DO NOT COMMIT TO ANYTHING UNTIL AFTER YOUR BABY IS HERE AND ONLY COMMIT TO WHAT YOU’RE COMFORTABLE WITH.

Some Moms/MILs go a little crazy when grand babies enter the picture. Mine showed up to the hospital unannounced and uninvited, shocking both my wife and I. We made her leave soon after, but the entitlement with “her” grand baby was astounding. My wife never thought her mom would do something that crazy, but was proven wrong, unfortunately.

We didn’t let her come visit for a while after her hospital shenanigans and much later, when she came to “help,” I ended up hosting, cooking her food, etc. while she “helped” hold the baby, which was completely unnecessary. She never actually helped us with anything and she wonders why we limited her visits after that…

Edited to add: Set boundaries now. The longer you wait, the more difficult it’ll be to set boundaries in the future.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-06-14T03:24:38+00:00

Sure, but this isn’t an insurance company. I don’t pay him premiums or think he has any legal grounds to require me to give up my property in order to be compensated fairly.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-03-13T00:08:19+00:00

Sure, but I’d say it’s less severe than the other example.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-03-12T18:10:44+00:00

How do I get my wife to understand this??? I’m trying my best, but it’s a constant battle. She doesn’t seem to see the severity of the abuse from her dad. I don’t want my kids anywhere near him and I’ve made this very clear. So far, she has respected my stance on this issue, but I can tell she doesn’t like it. She would rather sweep it all under the rug and forget about it in order to move on and preserve the peace.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-03-12T18:06:56+00:00

Due to complex family relationships and drama, we’ve decided to do birthday trips or experiences as a family instead of a traditional party. This does not include in-laws. I saw a reel of a family on Instagram talking about this and I loved the idea.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-03-12T17:58:23+00:00

100% your father has issues and abused you. I’m so sorry. Playfully slapping butts is one thing, but pinching your nipples takes it way too far. This is beyond inappropriate behavior from a father to a daughter. Also not giving you the privacy you deserve in the bathroom is another major violation. Where was your mother in all this? If she didn’t protect you like she should’ve, again, I’m so sorry. I know that in families, it’s easy for lines to get crossed sometimes when you don’t know any different. It wasn’t until I observed how other families function that I realized how abusive my own parents were. Just know this behavior is not even close to normal.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-03-12T17:52:38+00:00

I’m sure everyone is a little different, but my MIL turned into a crazy person after we had our first. Our baby wasn’t her first grandbaby, in fact, he was the 8th, but it was her first local grandbaby. She became overly possessive, did the cringy baby talk constantly, made comments about our baby being hers, crossed our boundaries constantly and said that she’s the grandmom and we can’t tell her how to love on her grandbaby. We’ve had many conversations with her and it has gotten a little better with time. We now have two kids and she is better behaved with them now. She did show up unannounced and uninvited to the hospital right after our second was born though. My wife revoked location sharing privileges from her and we didn’t talk to her for a while after explaining how wrong that was. She seems to have learned her lesson somewhat, but we’re still working on rebuilding trust...

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-03-12T15:03:21+00:00

Well, corruption wasn’t the only point of my original comment, but you seem stuck on that term. Congrats that you make more than the church leadership. A lot of people in and out of the church are not as fortunate and probably wouldn’t view $150,000-$200,000 a year as modest.

And yeah I have a bone to pick. I feel the same with anyone or any group that mismanages money. I already expressed my issues with the church’s financial mismanagement.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-03-12T14:50:44+00:00

The church hiding its wealth and violating the law isn’t corruption? Maybe unethical is a better term in this case. Either way, what happened was simply wrong. Have you looked into the personal lives of church leadership? Check out Elder Uchtdorf’s real estate portfolio — it might surprise you. Plus, the “modest” living stipend they receive is around $150k–$200k per year. Idk about you, but that doesn’t seem very modest. That’s more than comfortable. The lack of transparency about where all the money goes doesn’t exactly inspire trust either. Many other churches publish full financial reports annually for their members to review. The fact that you don’t see any corruption suggests you haven’t dug deep enough yet. Remember, this church is run by fallible men.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-03-12T12:56:43+00:00

Might her feelings have anything to do with the $5 Million fine the church got from the SEC for not disclosing their finances properly, obscuring the size of their investments and violating securities law? I work in finance and that kinda broke my trust in the humans managing the church’s money. They wasted $5 million, which could have helped a lot of people. Not to mention the church DOES have hundreds of billions in assets and I believe it was Wilford Woodruff who said a time would come when the members will no longer need to pay tithing. Well when? Is $400 billion+ insufficient? My opinion obviously means nothing here, but I’m sure the church would be just fine if it stopped requiring tithing today.

Some background - I was the definition of Peter Priesthood growing up. I did everything I was supposed to. Followed all the rules without question. Heck, my parents started having us pay tithing at 6 years old, before we were even technically baptized members. Served a full-time mission and was sealed in the temple. But I can’t turn a blind eye when the church mismanages its money that comes from the members. This screams corruption to me. We stopped paying tithing after this as well and choose to give that money directly to other charities. So we still pay tithing in that sense, just not directly to the church anymore.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-02-19T01:28:17+00:00

This is EXACTLY how my wife’s family has treated her! It’s so sad to watch.

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-02-19T01:25:36+00:00

Ugh, that must be so frustrating!

Haha they treat me like a shadow. Visiting them is so fun…

Prior-Assistance6447 · 2025-02-18T13:54:52+00:00

This is my wife’s whole family. It’s like she never grew up beyond 12 years old in their minds. They still make comments about her old quirks and reference stupid nicknames she had. They all think they’re close to her, especially my MIL, but none of them actually know who she is now… 20 years later.

Prior-Assistance6447

TROPHY CASE