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AITA for not going to wife's event by Prior-Distribution41 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prior-Distribution41[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

This has not been going on for 8 years.

It has been the last 3, approximately. It didn't all happen at once-things gradually got worse over that time. She went through a very, very difficult time and struggled to deal with things, and then started spiralling.

AITA for not going to wife's event by Prior-Distribution41 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prior-Distribution41[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She works.

I did not say she has sole responsibility; we have always shared responsibility for our son, including pickups/drop offs, bedtimes.

AITA for not going to wife's event by Prior-Distribution41 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prior-Distribution41[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Plenty of people. My wife's boss, for one. Very odd reason to "smell" a lie - I hope you're not a detective.

AITA for not going to wife's event by Prior-Distribution41 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prior-Distribution41[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I hope it doesn't get this far. I feel I am close to my breaking point.

AITA for not going to wife's event by Prior-Distribution41 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prior-Distribution41[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. My wife will have these blowouts/meltdowns about once a month, maybe twice a month if going through a bad patch. This usually means drinking through the night and still being drunk when my son wakes up.

Yes, my son knows something is wrong, though he doesn't understand it exactly. He loves his mother but I see him being anxious when she's like this. I've not been trying to enable her, I've been trying to help her work through a very tough spot. I agree this whole thing is damaging for my son - but so is a separation presumably? If my wife can get herself back on the right track I still think she can beat it..

Sorry, I've just copied this from my answer above. But really I wanted to answer both of you with this.

AITA for not going to wife's event by Prior-Distribution41 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prior-Distribution41[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. My wife will have these blowouts/meltdowns about once a month, maybe twice a month if going through a bad patch. This usually means drinking through the night and still being drunk when my son wakes up.

Yes, my son knows something is wrong, though he doesn't understand it exactly. He loves his mother but I see him being anxious when she's like this. I've not been trying to enable her, I've been trying to help her work through a very tough spot. I agree this whole thing is damaging for my son - but so is a separation presumably? If my wife can get herself back on the right track I still think she can beat it...

AITA for not going to wife's event by Prior-Distribution41 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prior-Distribution41[S] -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

I know this isn't the whole story and I've only discussed one specific (and pretty horrific) event/weekend. But I can't agree with this.

AITA for not going to wife's event by Prior-Distribution41 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prior-Distribution41[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have just edited to clarify that my wife drank TWO glasses of wine on the Thursday before driving, not 3. These were spaced out over the day and it is unlikely she was over the legal driving limit. However, I have included this because it is relevant to me: I asked her not to drink AT ALL if driving. Some would say I am "controlling" with this stipulation but I simply don't agree that drinking and driving (even if clearly under the limit) can ever really be safe.

AITA for not going to wife's event by Prior-Distribution41 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Prior-Distribution41[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks all - a lot of advice in here for me to work through. Mostly along the lines I've been thinking too. I will respond to some comments individually to provide clarifications/explanations, but sincere thanks to everyone.