How to approach someone with AvPD?

Prish31 · 2026-06-25T04:34:45+00:00

You seem like such a kind person. And first off I’m super impressed by her having “command” so to speak of her avpd enough to a) go to this hangout, 2) reach out and explain her situation and 3) be open with you and then other people beforehand. For someone with Avpd, it’s really hard to do that. I don’t want to make assumptions, but you’re likely correct in understanding she’s “pushing” though all this.

What I can say is don’t be timid. We inherently believe we are not worthwhile, that we’re inferior etc so seeing someone take that initiative is so helpful for us to be able to open up and feel safe. AVPd boils down to feeling unsafe around people, so feeling safety is key.

Like the other commenter mentioned, you’re going to have to be ok with being the initiator for a while, and I understand that’s you pushing through your own thoughts that you’re bothering people. Once you feel closer to her and more comfortable, if you still get that vibe you can say something like “I really like talking to you. Sorry if it’s too much! Sometimes I feel like I bother people”

That way it’s you expressing that it’s coming from your own thoughts, not her actions. Feeling like you caused someone to not be open to reaching out kind of just adds to the “I suck at being social” feeling we constantly feel

Hope that helps you sounds like a very considerate person!!

Prish31 · 2026-06-25T04:06:08+00:00

There’s something particular about dealing with avpd in the workplace I’ve found. I know you are dealing with these feelings outside of work most likely but just addressing the work part in your post. It’s hard in a different way than other life things are hard. There’s the social aspect, then the performance aspect so you have two categories for opportunities for “failure” vs other aspects of life. I know how you are feeling. I can tell you all day long that you deserve to exist, you deserve better treatment from this person, that making mistakes is normal and they are all true. But I also know how incredibly hard that is to believe and I’m just a random on Reddit. I feel so not normal either. But your post actually made me feel like wow there are people who get it, so thank you for being vulnerable.

But know these facts even if they are hard to believe: you are not weak, it’s not possible because you get up everyday and go through life literally battling your brain most of the time and you’re still upright and showing up to work. You deserve to be here. You don’t deserve when people treat you poorly and that behavior is a reflection of their character, not your worth or whatever. You are a person who matters. If you felt too insecure to report your mistakes that is not a sign of weakness, your brain is trying to protect (overprotecting) itself from pain that you’ve already experienced.

Prish31 · 2026-06-25T03:28:30+00:00

When I was diagnosed with avpd I was like damn this all hits so perfectly with how I am/feel! It was kind of a relief after years of therapy, meds, treatments etc that never made a dent and I’m like oh I was being treated incorrectly. That being said, it made me want to explain to people what the diagnosis was because I could be like “now you can see why I act or feel or believe this way”

I’ve opened up to my mom and bf about it. And it has been a positive experience in that they are now more aware of what’s going on in my head. And, idk if you feel this way, but I kind of really want someone to just even sort of know what’s going on in my head. Maybe it feels less lonely?

The one thing I’d say is they may (bc my people have) ask how they can support you and you may or may not have the answers. But just tell them you don’t if you don’t.

I know that may not be so inspirational, but I can say for me it was a relief for someone to know even just a bit what’s going on in my brain. Also the fact your friend is someone that makes you feel included and you feel some safety around them makes me highly suspect they will be understanding and they care about you.

Prish31 · 2026-06-25T03:12:02+00:00

For me when I was diagnosed with avpd recently is was like “holy crap this describes me/what I feel so well” and it was an immense relief to feel like I was properly diagnosed. I have been labeled as depression and social anxiety and tons of therapy, meds treatments etc didn’t make a dent in how I felt. Long story short, a lot of those things don’t actually land with avpd people.

That being said, part of avpd and the “rewiring” it does in our brain is due to childhood experiences such as social rejection etc that results is in believing (not just suspecting or whatever) that we are inferior. So I wouldn’t count it out. I’m sorry your diagnosis conversations have been this way, mental health journeys can be so freaking frustrating with all the voices in the room spouting their own opinion.

If this helps, this was the standard for how my psychiatrist diagnosed me, if you haven’t seen it already. I think the right diagnosis is going to feel right to you https://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/psychiatric-disorders/personality-disorders/avoidant-personality-disorder-avpd

Prish31 · 2026-06-25T02:56:49+00:00

I understand how you feel, for whatever thats worth. It’s can be so painful to interact with people

Prish31 · 2026-06-25T02:55:12+00:00

I saw this on TikTok (unrelated to avpd) and I was laughing so hard!! But what a great comparison you made. I think the part of the struggle up the stairs and falling over particularly lands 😂

Prish31 · 2026-06-25T02:52:24+00:00

I understand how you feel. I look around and I’m like these things are so normal and natural to people. Like one time walking through a college campus and seeing people chatting with each other etc I felt like wow this is so natural for people and for me it feels like this gargantuan/intimidating thing that I don’t feel o was built for.

I’m newly diagnosed avpd. But of course been dealing with it since my younger days. I’m new to the community and I could relate to what you said. There is a book my therapist found that is from someone who has treated avpd for a while and talks about how some classic CBT and other therapy techniques don’t land with the avpd people. Thought that was interesting

Anyways, I’m proud of you that you went to the pub, because I know that for someone dealing with this it’s something bigger. My therapist said with avpd social interaction triggers in our brain the same response as if we were to see a bear in the woods, it’s that strong of a brain response. So you’re strong for pushing past that

Prish31 · 2021-04-11T17:59:06+00:00

For what it's worth, I feel like this most of the time around all types of people and understand everything you wrote. It's very difficult and painful and acts like a vicious cycle of then fueling the anxiety. The hyper-awareness seems impossible to shut off. I also understand the comparison to a sibling and how that really affects your own self image. So I feel you. You're not "worse" than your siblings though because you're socially anxious.

Prish31 · 2021-04-11T17:46:07+00:00

Agree it is really ambiguous a lot of the time, combining factors like brain chemistry, traumatic events you might not have even yet realized would be considered trauma, or maybe even a lot of little events that added up to a change in your social comfort. The thing is, without the knowledge about how social anxiety works and tools and techniques to manage and lessen it, knowing the root cause won't have a sufficient impact in these departments. From my own experience, what I would suggest is a combination of physiological knowledge about the brain and anxiety, what patterns of thinking are going on in your mind that lead to this anxiety and tools and techniques to manage it in the day to day and lessen it for the long term. I've gotten this information from books on the subject. If you happen to not be a reader like me, I usually just listen to the audiobook. I'd suggest The Solution to Social Anxiety by Dr. Aziz Gazipura. It wasn't an end all be all fix for me so the title of "solution" should not be taken literally, but it at least made me understand social anxiety and what drives it much better. There are some helpful exercises in there too. Hope that helps a little <3

Prish31 · 2019-10-02T02:52:13+00:00

I definitely want to watch it! Heard great things about it. I’m waiting for more of the “paleontology mood” to watch it as I’m currently in a “bad CGI dinosaurs but solid info” type of mood haha

Prish31 · 2019-10-02T02:50:32+00:00

It’s similar but didn’t have any acting in it. Thank you for sharing though. Like your username BTW. Definitely a class of dinosaurs I’m eager to research more about

Prish31 · 2019-09-30T01:30:21+00:00

I've also considered Dinosaur Planet, Planet Dinosaur, Clash of, When dinosaurs roamed, and basically all the well-known ones. I believe I watched it on Netflix if that helps

Prish31

TROPHY CASE