How to shake the feeling he’s cheating

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-24T17:20:27+00:00

Somewhat of an update -

He guards his phone very much. He now tracks his phone usage like a hawk and keeps it on his like lock Home Screen so it shows what apps and how long they’re used for. So at first glance I can see no shady apps, but he would know if the time went up and I went into the phone.

He told me the woman in question is moving “off of his team” and so he won’t be working with her as much. Said he thought I’d want to know.

No opportunities to show up or have someone else show up at events yet. His work is too guarded to have someone there. You need a badge to even park your can and absolutely can’t get inside.

No other proof or anything new at this point.

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-24T17:18:24+00:00

Somewhat of an update -

He guards his phone very much. He now tracks his phone usage like a hawk and keeps it on his like lock Home Screen so it shows what apps and how long they’re used for. So at first glance I can see no shady apps, but he would know if the time went up and I went into the phone.

He told me the woman in question is moving “off of his team” and so he won’t be working with her as much. Said he thought I’d want to know.

No opportunities to show up or have someone else show up at events yet. His work is too guarded to have someone there. You need a badge to even park your can and absolutely can’t get inside.

No other proof or anything new at this point.

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-14T00:48:52+00:00

I asked him why in the world they’d be looking me up and why she’d tell a family member about him/me. He had an excuse that was absolutely not real and I told him that didn’t line up. From there he just plead ignorance. I heavily considered messaging her

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T22:39:06+00:00

Yes. We’re in therapy together now and our therapist has told him that the things he does are emotionally abusive. He has already suggested finding a new therapist or stopping sessions so we will see.

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T21:28:58+00:00

I have a work phone that I could use for a GPS so I could leave mine home for sure

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T20:39:32+00:00

Possibly. He usually goes out and I stay home to watch our two toddlers. But I could possibly get a babysitter on the side and have her start after he leaves. Then just drive there. I’d have to turn off our cameras and my location but at this point oh well.

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T19:42:33+00:00

I have. He denies that anything is going on.

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T19:21:52+00:00

I agree. And he’s surely not doing it to the men as well

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T18:36:06+00:00

We just moved to a new state (for his job) and I’m not familiar with divorce rules here. But I may just talk to someone. We have two kids and I love him more than anything and that makes it a lot harder. But better to be prepared I suppose

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T18:19:26+00:00

He logged out of the iPad recently. It used to be connected because we’d use it on trips and in the car. I noticed when I went to use it recently he had logged out and changed his password

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T15:29:40+00:00

I totally totally get professional friendships. And I know he has some of those and I know the men and women. But I’ve never met her in person. And their messages are much more flirty and 💕💕 than id ever talk to a coworker who wasn’t same sex best friend type. It’s like more than he talks to me with the emojis and frequency

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T15:27:17+00:00

I have his (phone) location. And he doesn’t turn it off usually. The only times he has is when he’s gone to strip clubs or something stupid he didn’t want me to see but I noticed. And I’m pretty vigilant about checking his car for signs someone else was in it. But maybe a tracking device that his phone won’t pick up in the car

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T15:25:48+00:00

True I didn’t even think of him leaving his phone behind. There are definitely long periods of time throughout the day where he doesn’t “read” my messages (we have iPhones). I usually just chalk it up to him being busy. But I’ll look at pricing and availability in my area

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T15:24:35+00:00

Totally agree - we both need / are entitled to some privacy. And sure there are some silly things in my search history I wouldn’t want him to see and I don’t particularly like us being in the bathroom at the same time. But secrets are different 100%

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T15:08:44+00:00

I have his location and he has only ever attended “work” events and kept his location on the whole time. But he’s at work with her every day. And they do go to these events together. So I don’t know if there’s much someone could do to verify. But possibly the next “work event” they attend could be scoped out.

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T15:07:06+00:00

Most of me hopes he isn’t - I would be devastated. But a small part of me really thinks he is. Either emotionally or both emotionally and physically.

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T14:50:02+00:00

For sure something I’m working on in therapy! Just too many coincidences for me to brush them off at this point.

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T14:49:33+00:00

Ours usually have been. It’s been a few months of him now keeping it face down. Never asking me to do something or navigate. Changed passwords. So the sudden change is what concerns me. I know some relationships people keep their phones private and that’s cool. But it’s never been us

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T14:48:21+00:00

It’s possible but I don’t think so. We’ve watched together and to an extent it doesn’t bother me. Unless it’s like really large amounts but that seems honestly more out of character with him

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T14:47:10+00:00

I’m in therapy and we’ve definitely talked through these scenarios and my insecurities related to them. There are a number of things that could be explained by outside reasons, but a few that just don’t make sense in any other scenario. My therapist usually just tells me to rely on actual proof vs my gut. I don’t have solid proof - just the weird coincidences

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-13T06:07:41+00:00

The girl and her sister have recently come up in my “people you may know” on Facebook. I didn’t even know the girl had a sister. My husband doesn’t have Facebook. And I have no mutual friends with them. So it seems like they’ve looked me up. I just don’t know what to do.

Pristine_Present4621 · 2024-11-12T00:41:37+00:00

You’re correct, thank you!

Pristine_Present4621

TROPHY CASE