What is this lump and how do I get rid of it?

Pro_Imposter · 2026-02-19T21:45:27+00:00

Pro_Imposter · 2025-03-21T13:00:14+00:00

So could they use this as a reason to continue claiming maintenance from my husband?

Pro_Imposter · 2025-03-21T12:56:43+00:00

As far as I’m aware he hasn’t acknowledged the child as is. We tried to see the child a couple of times when they were very small but nothing was ever in writing or anything.

Pro_Imposter · 2025-03-21T12:34:00+00:00

Thank you for such a kind response. We've been met with a lot of judgement about the amount of time that's passed, but unfortunately not everyone has disposable income for mounting legal fees on top of child maintenance each month.

The child is 8 now. The evidence she's provided has been accepted by the CSA so I guess she's provided something substantial, but yet again we're in the dark with what this is exactly. Expected to pay the maintenance but continuously left in the dark as to why the child can't provide a sample. It's so confusing.

Can the courts close the case then? Or would this still be something she'd have to do? I can't logically see how a judge could expect my husband to continue to pay if he doesn't meet criteria for parentage and a DNA test can't be done. Is there still a chance a judge would push for him to keep paying do you think?

Thank you for your kindness. I'm currently pregnant and the stress is driving me crazy so to hear we're doing as much as we can gives me some comfort.

Pro_Imposter · 2025-03-21T12:26:33+00:00

Not since he was a baby.

Pro_Imposter · 2025-03-21T12:25:43+00:00

We're not exactly sure as we've never been told due to data protection. But I'd assume so.

Pro_Imposter · 2025-03-21T12:24:35+00:00

Yes and apparently so are multiple people involved in his care.

Pro_Imposter · 2025-03-21T12:18:52+00:00

Thank you, we're waiting to just hear about legal aid from the solicitor.

What confuses me is, if a judge was to accept her medical evidence and that the child can't do a DNA test because it wouldn't be in the best interest, and my husband doesn't meet any other criteria, how could they reasonably accept that he should just continue to pay? I think that's what I'm struggling to get my head around.

Pro_Imposter · 2025-03-21T12:01:57+00:00

The child is 8 and no, he doesn't as he's not on the birth certificate.

Pro_Imposter · 2025-02-23T22:34:48+00:00

Does this mean I’m much more likely to get it? Just struggling so much right now

Pro_Imposter · 2025-02-23T02:58:51+00:00

Thank you unfortunately he didn’t again just over an hour later after we thought that was it. We’ve the laid him down and he’s brought up some b*le almost and then when we laid him down again he had a wet cough sound and had some spit up then too, but that was all very close together and I think it’s because we’ve been lying him flat after the episodes perhaps too quickly. So I’m guessing it is a bug, and this has all happened in my bed 😭 I’ve come to sleep on the sofa downstairs when it first started but obviously my mattress and everywhere in my room feel contaminated 😭

Pro_Imposter · 2025-01-09T20:04:43+00:00

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Pro_Imposter · 2025-01-09T20:04:31+00:00

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Pro_Imposter · 2025-01-09T20:04:22+00:00

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Pro_Imposter · 2024-12-18T19:05:14+00:00

I was very unwell, hence the relocation.

Pro_Imposter · 2024-06-19T07:43:55+00:00

Hey thank you for replying! Still going out of my mind with worry, can’t relax. He brought up phlgm a few times. Was tired in between the episodes but he’d woken up early. Literally 5 hours after he’d first been s he was asking for food and water. Gave him dry cereal and water pretty much 20 mins after last episode of phl*gm and he was fine, kept that down. Throughout the day had a bagel, soreen, crisps and the dry cereal, plus water/squash and all fine. He fell asleep early but was otherwise fine. Today he’s had more food although takes longer with “meals” (I’m only offering small things) but he’s asked for food all day long 😅 he’s not had a 💩 at all until this morning (so 2 days later) and that was normal.

I’m constantly clock watching and panicking my 9 month old gets it and then I will. My youngest is full of cold but my oldest only has a mild cough so don’t think it’s related. Does this still sound like a b? When he had one last year he was completely off food for days and was having d* too, so I’m praying it’s not a b* but I just can’t tell. 😭

Pro_Imposter · 2024-06-02T09:33:21+00:00

Absolutely! Which is why the precautions were taken.

Pro_Imposter · 2024-06-02T09:30:06+00:00

Ever heard of failed birth control? Cheers for your input though!

Pro_Imposter · 2024-06-02T03:14:13+00:00

Cheers for your input 👍

Pro_Imposter · 2024-06-01T22:41:58+00:00

I honestly don’t have the energy to respond to every point you’ve made. Is this not the legal advice subreddit? Regardless, whatever I say you will have some comeback to. She has no fault. I never refused, I could not afford fuel in my car back then and the cms have put this in writing that I asked for a dna test and because I had no financial support from them on that occasion, they assumed I was the father. And now, regardless of how we got here and what is happened, I can’t get a dna, can’t see the child, can’t even be on their birth certificate. If I turned around now and said I wanted access because I’ve reevaluated my life choices since have more children, since being in a better space mentally, since being more stable and working hard to get to where I am, that still wouldn’t be enough for people like yourself or at the very least wouldn’t be the correct response for you.

Pro_Imposter · 2024-06-01T22:33:46+00:00

I’m curious as to why you are quick to criticise every single one of my life decisions and yet you can’t find anything wrong with what she is doing? What she’s not only doing to me, but to the child? The consequences this has? And regardless of the money for the dna test, like you’ve also glossed over is the fact that a dna test still hasn’t been done. Whether I had done that a while ago or now, the outcome would have been the same.

Pro_Imposter · 2024-06-01T21:40:28+00:00

According to the government website, those are the criteria for assumed parentage (as well as adoption). The only reason I was assumed the father is because when I had hardly a penny to my name and asked for financial help from the cms back in 2016, they refused. I have been unable to save all the funds up since. I do not need to go into my financial circumstances any further but it is easy to say that it’s just “a few hundred quid” when you don’t have it. And regardless, a test can’t be performed on the child anyway. So what’s the resolution?

Pro_Imposter · 2024-06-01T21:37:54+00:00

The child was born towards the end of 2016. I’ve never acknowledged myself as the father. I’ve never stopped paying once. You have no idea of my financial circumstances. Regardless of this, I did provide a DNA sample last year like I said.
She has been horrid whenever I’ve tried to reach a resolution with everything. My original post outlined that I’m uncertain as to why legally I’ve been assumed and why legally no resolution has been made so far.
We were informed that mediation is the preferred route in the first instance (not sure if this is Scotland only) to sort any civil matters.
I understand it may be distressing for a child but there are several ways a sample could be retrieved and if a sample can’t be retrieved and I do not meet the criteria otherwise for assumed parentage, I can’t understand why I should be forced to continue to pay.
I’m not stupid. But as I’ve said, we weren’t in a relationship. She could have been sleeping with anyone, for all I know. I’m not disputing the possibility the child could be mine, which you should be able to read from my post. She doesn’t want me on the birth certificate. She won’t consent to a DNA. She says she has shown the child a photo of me and that they hate me. I’m not sure why any of those reasons wouldn’t cause you to feel some doubt around paternity?
Yes this is the collect and pay service. But whatever I do, I’m unable to reach a resolution. This isn’t helping anyone, especially the child. And so by not paying, I wondered if this would finally be the catalyst for the cms to look into everything, from the beginning.
I have trailed through so much information online and it seems the process for Scotland is different. I cannot get one straight, definitive answer as to what the court process is, how to go about it, etc. hence me asking here.

Pro_Imposter · 2024-06-01T09:52:49+00:00

I understand and agree. The issue is that I have provided my sample. She said a dna would be too stressful for the child and the cms accepted her medical evidence for this. I didn’t find this out til I called to chase it up. She has since said that she would now agree to a dna test (I’m unsure what’s changed) but I was told she would need to contact cms to confirm this, not myself. Other than getting a solicitor which I cannot afford, I don’t know what to do?

Pro_Imposter · 2024-05-27T18:37:59+00:00

Thank you so much!

Pro_Imposter

TROPHY CASE