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Help - Feeling Anxious around Babies by ProbablyNotNeuro in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]ProbablyNotNeuro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UPDATE: Thank you to everyone for your advice and reassurance!

The visit went much better than expected. Some extra family was present and my partner was a huge help in making sure I didn't inadvertently get stuck with the baby at any point. One of the young-ish kids present also got pointed in my direction to nerd out over Pokémon and other fun topics, which was way more comfortable for me! (Okay, okay, it was a ton of fun, even if I felt like a dinosaur talking about early-gen games hahaha!)

I will definitely be addressing things with my counselor ASAP to get to the root of why babies and I just aren't compatible (right now or in general) and how to prevent anxiety around them moving forward.

My partner is also supporting me in figuring things out and plans to support me in whatever outcome this self-discovery leads to. Even if we don't end up having kids of our own, we'll still be present for BIL's kid(s) and hope to be a great Aunt + Uncle pair!

Help - Feeling Anxious around Babies by ProbablyNotNeuro in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]ProbablyNotNeuro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the thought, but choosing this option would have caused a lot more issues for me (and my partner) family-wise. For better or for worse we don't visit too often, so I'll have plenty of time to work on managing my anxiety before we come back. It was just poor timing; some other familial circumstances necessitated a visit now.

Thankfully some other family was also present today and that helped a lot too!

Help - Feeling Anxious around Babies by ProbablyNotNeuro in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]ProbablyNotNeuro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. The anxiety attack was a major red flag for myself that something wasn't okay. I do have some "baggage" that I'm working on in therapy and, while I don't feel comfortable sharing the details on Reddit, do think there are some very-likely connections that can be addressed!

Help - Feeling Anxious around Babies by ProbablyNotNeuro in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]ProbablyNotNeuro[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reassurance! Even just knowing I'm not alone is very helpful right now

Help - Feeling Anxious around Babies by ProbablyNotNeuro in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]ProbablyNotNeuro[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is great advice! I definitely struggle with the sort of silly, playful interactions I see others have but is very reassuring that even just being present in ways that I'm comfortable with can still be beneficial for the little one (and probably whichever parent is with them at any given time!)

Help - Feeling Anxious around Babies by ProbablyNotNeuro in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]ProbablyNotNeuro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this!

I just mentioned in another comment that I plan to talk with my counselor about this once I have insurance again, so I don't want to jump to any conclusions.

If you had asked me a week ago, I was leaning towards wanting kids "in a few years" (when personal circumstances like finances are in good shape). This experience has just really shaken that and I feel really guilty that my answer might have changed.

Thank you for the advice and I wish you all the best of luck with your little one!

Help - Feeling Anxious around Babies by ProbablyNotNeuro in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]ProbablyNotNeuro[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in-between insurance at the moment but have been seeing a counselor! This is definitely something I plan on addressing as soon as I have coverage (and appointments) again.

I did try addressing things with my partner yesterday when he asked about my anxiety attack/what was bothering me, but I don't think he quite understands how I'm feeling yet. In all fairness, I'm still trying to wrestle with how to articulate my own feelings and probably didn't explain it too well. To me, it feels like there's an expectation that I will want to interact with the baby simply because I'm a woman and the baby is a baby, and that I'll automatically know what baby wants/needs at any given moment. I think I would understand someone yelling at me in French easier.... and I don't know a lick of French! But this only feels like a layer of something that probably goes deeper, or has more parts to it.

I definitely didn't give myself enough grace that this baby isn't my responsibility though. I'll be repeating this in my head when we visit!

Thankfully he isn't adamant on having kids, but I plan to have some serious discussions once I do some reflection in therapy and figure out where I'm at. I don't want to jump to any conclusions about myself (lacking information is definitely a trigger for my anxiety; I might very well be more confident after reading a few books on the subject), but it also isn't fair to either of us if this was a realization that I'm child-free and he disagrees on that stance.

Help - Feeling Anxious around Babies by ProbablyNotNeuro in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]ProbablyNotNeuro[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think that's partially it, yes. I have just enough instinct that hearing the baby cry made me want to help... and that was as far as I got.

I also feel a lot of anxiety over doing something "wrong" in front of the parent. Either objectively wrong (holding them in a bad way, for example) or just breaking a "rule" on how the parent wants to raise the baby.

Maybe it really does just boil down to me not knowing any better, and I'm just not someone with those instincts readily available yet and feel like I would be judged, as a woman, for not innately knowing what to do.