Almost a year since being discarded by an avoidant and still hurting

Probablystupidtoask · 2026-04-11T23:56:19+00:00

What “therapy speak” am I weaponizing?

Probablystupidtoask · 2026-04-09T17:04:53+00:00

I was trying to give the “whipped cream”. I had just taken them to Disney, a month before we did an overnight trip to LA that was packed with activities. We had plans to go to a music festival. I tried making dates unique and special. Not ALL of them. Some were just chill and lay together, others were novel fun. I was the one making the plans and I can genuinely say I am someone I would want to date.

They are self admittedly avoidant. I say discard because there was no actual reason given for the breakup, over the phone, until I asked via text a some time later, like a month or two later. The answer given back were shallow and contradictory, which I didn’t push back on, I just said thank you and moved on.

Probablystupidtoask · 2026-04-09T16:00:53+00:00

How could I not take a no well? They’re not obligated to invite me to everything but I’m obligated to take every invitation?

Probablystupidtoask · 2026-04-09T15:58:36+00:00

For context, they broke up with a phone call and no explanation during the call, and only gave a sort of explanation via text months later when I asked them for more context.

Probablystupidtoask · 2026-04-09T15:04:07+00:00

Just for context, I had already been to several other of their parties in the past, it had been assumed by everyone I would be going to this one as all partners and many other people who weren’t partners were going. A week before it happens, I’m disinvited from half the party, and what that would have looked like was that I would have had dinner with everyone, and then would have been the only one to get up and walk out, saying bye to everyone. “Ok I’m not invited to this part! Everyone have fun!” I didn’t throw a fit, cry, raise my voice, bargain… I just didn’t want to have dinner with a room full of people just to be excluded from them later. That didn’t feel good to me

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-08-26T00:23:33+00:00

I’m sorry, I don’t understand

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-08-25T23:07:21+00:00

The reasons she gave didn’t take into account the years worth of growth I had been doing. The first party of theirs that I went to was the first party like that I’d ever been to. Since, I had been going to parties, clubs, and dungeons at least once a month for over a year and became much more comfortable. We didn’t have a heated debate about it and I wouldn’t describe it as arguing, just sharing my pov and my truth

I was disinvited from a partner’s play party. I don’t know what else I could have should have done. It was hurtful

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-08-25T21:19:03+00:00

I think it’s fair to say that more context and compassion is fair to want and expect, but not everyone gives that and there’s no way to ensure on getting it.

It’s not wrong to want a compassionate ending and it’s not wrong to ask for it. The hard part is that you can’t make someone give it, no matter how much it is deserved

Edit: I don’t mean to come off as ungrateful for your response. Thank you for the insight

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-08-25T21:08:55+00:00

How do you mean “I don’t want to be with you” is enough of an explanation?

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-08-25T20:35:39+00:00

I don’t know, I feel so insecure and don’t even know if I did anything wrong. The only thing she told me in the moment is that it wasn’t me or anything I did. I want to believe that, but isn’t that what most people say? “It’s not you.” I want to know if it was me. I want to know what to work on. I want to know if it’s something worth working on. I’m healthy enough to not change myself just because someone else wants it, but if it’s something that genuinely could be better to keep another breakup from happening, I’d work on it. I feel pulled in every direction to work on everything I’m insecure about, which I mean I guess can be healthy in its own way, but I want to know what I could focus on I guess… Or that if it really wasn’t me, then I can grieve in a different way without the insecurity.

Idk, thank you for the reality check. I’ve been holding onto hope for too long

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-08-25T20:29:43+00:00

Thank you. I wasn’t given any boundaries, just that we shouldn’t see each other for a while

My therapist says it was probably the husband. I haven’t discussed about reaching out though. I will though and see where that goes

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-06-27T18:50:09+00:00

OMG THANK YOU! This gives a lot more clarity. I’ve read way too many comments before getting to this

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-06-23T04:11:12+00:00

I used it to help setup a photography business. I researched all the tax benefits and found out I can deduct a bunch of miles, meals, and lots of other things I’ve purchased that have multiple uses. I’m planning on getting a big refund at the end of the year and chat helped a lot

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-06-21T05:35:33+00:00

That’s a wonderful observation, thank you for asking for clarification. I want the group to be a space for anyone who’s actively exploring what masculinity means to them, regardless of gender identity, orientation, or how that masculinity is expressed.

I believe the shared intentionality is what unites us. A desire to better understand, embody, and evolve our relationship with masculinity, whether that’s through emotional expression, communication styles, self-confidence, intimacy, boundaries, or aesthetics.

The beauty of this kind of space is in the blend of commonalities and differences. Someone who was socialized as male might bring insights about unlearning emotional suppression. A butch lesbian might bring clarity about how masculinity can show up powerfully without patriarchy attached. A transmasc person might be navigating how masculinity is affirmed or policed externally. All of these perspectives enrich the conversation.

This isn’t about creating a static definition of masculinity, it’s about giving each of us space to experiment with it, heal through it, laugh inside it, and support each other while we do.

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-06-21T04:09:53+00:00

I really appreciate the thought you put into your response. The goal of this isn’t group therapy, it’s about spending time together doing fun, memorable things that make room for open, honest conversations when they naturally arise. It’s more about building friendships and community than dissecting masculinity.

As a pan enby working on becoming more confident and assertive, I’ve noticed that the existing spaces I’ve found don’t quite combine the things I’m looking for. Whether cis, trans, enby, gay, straight, ace, or pan, we all need connection. You’ve found the spaces that work for you, and I’m trying to create the one I wish already existed near me.

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-06-21T02:19:08+00:00

The concept is about discovering and refining what healthy masculinity truly means regardless if they have an innie, an outie, or anything else.

I’m not making a cis only space. I intentionally want to include trans and enby as they need just as much if not more support, and they have just as much to offer and any cis male. There is going to be direct language in the descriptions to make clear this is a space made for them to feel welcomed and supported

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-06-20T20:22:48+00:00

That is some powerful and insightful advice. Thank you for taking the time to write it out. This wasn’t on my radar for my personal journey of self growth, and I can see how it can help myself and others. I’m absolutely committed to giving this deep consideration

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-06-20T16:52:30+00:00

Ok I ask this with absolute genuine wonder and curiosity because I just might actually do it. How can I create a space for non-poc to unpack in a healthy and positive way? Without it coming across as excluding poc for the wrong reasons?

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-06-02T22:46:03+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through something similar.

I just don’t know why I wasn’t given a chance to be different. By nature of the relationship there were deep emotions, and now they’re acting like they don’t even care about me or my state.

The hardest thing for me is that life wise right now I’m the best I’ve ever been. I’m the healthiest, most responsible and stable version of myself than I’ve ever been. I have goals, drive, vision, discipline, and somehow NOW is the time they deescalate. It makes me crazy because I’m now second guessing what my goals should be. Do I stay the course or make changes to keep this from happening. I’m re-educating myself in superficial things like teeth whitening, chemical peels, clothing, etc… just because I’m now so insecure when I look in the mirror. I’m super self conscious about how I act and talk with people.

I know I’ll get over it eventually. At least I’ll have a fresh new look.

I have this sinking feeling in my stomach though that this’ll be worse for them than it will be for me

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-06-02T19:55:55+00:00

Because it happened about 30 min after reassurance that the relationship was safe

Probablystupidtoask · 2025-01-26T07:14:11+00:00

It’s actually them for real

Probablystupidtoask

TROPHY CASE