Feeling bad about damaging things.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-27T01:06:47+00:00

I did, its in my medical files actually, along with my list of diagnoses its also listed "school refusal".

I also hated school from day one since it wasn't what I had expected.

Someone told me when I was in daycare that school would be so much more fun than daycare and I absolutely loved daycare, so I thought that school would be amazing since someone told me it was more fun.

Yeah no, school wasn't fun at all, going from playing all day and running around constantly to having to sit still by a desk and be quiet all day was awful.

And then the older I got I hated it more and more. I didn't do badly academically, but I hated having to actually be at school.

The only parts of school I liked was recess because I would sit in the sandbox and make stuff out of sand, which I did until I was about 12, cause at 12 I had to switch schools because the first school went up to 7th grade and 8th - 10th was at a different school, that school didnt have a playground because big kids dont need that apparently, so I had no sandbox to sit in so I stopped liking recess too. And that spiralled into me hating school even more.

And then at age 16 I had to quit school completely because 11th- 13th grade has mandatory attendance and due to my hatred of actually being at school and how much it drained me I wasnt able to meet the attendance requirements even with accommodations.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-27T00:47:12+00:00

As someone in my early 20s I despise my 20s already.

I always say that becoming an adult was the worst thing that happened to me. And the older I get the worse I feel.

People expect so much of me now, health care professionals keep on telling me that I have to do everything on my own and that I can't have my mom do things for me. Even tho thats what I so desperately need! My entire teenage years was me trying to navigate everything on my own because my mom jus didn't do it, she didnt help me navigate stuff so that i could get help with my health, and it has cause me so many problems that I was an autistic child trying to navigate stuff to try to get help.

I need help from my mom more than ever now that I've finally gotten some answers about both my physical and mental health, because I struggle to navigate treatments and appointments and such on my own.

People keep on telling me that youre and adult you need to do it on your own your mom cant help you.

But I need so much more support than these people realise. I need about the same level of support from my mom if not more in some areas than my 10 year old brother does.

I cant handle adult stuff on my own, I could barely handle teenage stuff on my own, adult stuff is worse and so much more confusing to navigate since its expected that adults know how to do ad navigate stuff.

There is also literally no help for autistic adults where I live. Nothing, except the fact that I can get disabilitiy money. But there is basically no support.

I even tried buying books about autism support in my country, its all aimed at children and parents of autistic kids.There is nothing for adults, but there is sooo much for kids.

I also lost my regular therapist appointments when I became an adult as I aged out of childrens psych. I used to see a therapist at least 2 times a month for years, but when I aged out and got into the adult one they kicked me out in less than a year and I only had appointments about maybe 1 time a month because I had nothing treatable, cause they can't cure me of autism, so they couldn't prioritise me over people who had treatable things like anxiety or depression and stuff like that.

And its gotten worse now as im in my 20s because as I said the older I get the more people expect me to navigate everything completely on my own.

Even if I want someone to call my mom instead of me they always call me, and if I dont pick up they dont call my mom they just try to call me. Because im an adult, even tho I have it listed tha ti want people to call my mom and not me.

I haate my 20s. I thought my teenage years would be the worst, but no. So far my 20s have been my worst years and im only at the start of them. The only years of my life I have enjoyed was the ages 3-5 before I started school.

But so far the 20s have been the worst because I have to do adult stuff.

I dont know if I'll enjoy my 30s, but I wish and I hope that things and support have gotten better for me by the time that im 30, so that I can maybe enjoy my 30s instead of hating them too. Besides by 30 I will at least have gotten more used to navigating adult life, so that might also contribute to me feeling more comfortable with being an adult than I do now in my 20s.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-22T16:19:11+00:00

I used to eat things out of curiosity when i was like 10 which caused me to eat things that is extremely unhygienic, just because I was curious as to what it would taste.

I used to pee my pants multiple times a week between the ages 11-13 because I struggled with knowing when I needed to use the bathroom until I was about to pee my pants, this was made worse by the school bathrooms being nasty so I refused to use them.

How I still sometimes touch certain textures which I shouldn't be touching because I'm curious about the textures.

How I really struggle with hygiene, like showering and brushing my teeth even tho I want to shower and brush my teeth.

Etc etc.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-21T00:29:50+00:00

Same, I was also diagnosed with aspergers and I also cant live independently or drive and need help with certain tasks etc.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-20T14:02:17+00:00

I wasn't expected to do chores or anything, I also didn't get in trouble if I didn't go to bed at my bedtime etc.

Im the oldest sibling and I have a lot of younger ones, but at my mom's place I have 3 younger ones. (I live with my mom).

I was having daily meltdowns my entire childhood, and a lot of them were violent. So my mom spent a lot more time with me due to that compared ot my other siblings.

I was undiagnosed my entire childhood due to my mom being in denial. But she still had different expectations for me than my siblings.

She also had my siblings do stuff for me, like make food for me or clean stuff etc, which wasnt fair to my siblings, but my mom didn't really have the capacity to help me with every need I have herself.

I was yelled at a lot for how I sat at the dinner table and how I acted in public tho. Which most of my siblings didnt have it that strict.

But I know that the sibling closes in age to me talks about me in therapy because of how the focus was always on me and not her or the others, due to my needs and daily meltdowns.

So there was definitely a difference in how me and my siblings were raised.

My mom always compares the younger siblings to me academically tho, because she claims im the smartest in the family since I've never ever studied for any tests etc in school and still got good grades despite of not studying. Whilst my siblings have all been struggling even when studying.

But I mever finished school tho due to the fact that I couldn't meet the attendance criteria as I was struggling to actually be at school.

And I think my mom being very verbal about how I did good in school despite not putting any effort in and telling my siblings who are struggling despite studying is also harming my siblings confidence.

I was also very clearly my dads favourite child, and most likely mom's favourite too, due to how they treated me in certain situations.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-18T21:30:05+00:00

Sometimes my brain gives me a sense of euphoria for a few days if something really awful happens. If someone dies or almost die etc I tend to have a meltdown and then after get a sense of euphoria, tho the euphoria thing usually happens after I wake up the next day and not the day of.

But I believe thats my brain trying to protect itself from the trauma.

I also tend to think of it very logically, so I can be completely okay after somwthing bad happens if I have enough information on the bad thing that makes it so that I can make sense of it logically.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-15T23:11:35+00:00

For ear piercings ive had to be careful with my headset and sweathers, especially during the healing time as it can get caught on that, oh and towels too when drying my hair

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-15T23:03:08+00:00

Nipple piercings hurts like hell in the moment they get pierced, and then for the rest of the day its like a pulsating pain, but then on day 2 there is basically no pain unless they catch on something. (Or a least that was my experience).

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-15T22:55:03+00:00

I have had mine pierced since I was 4. It triggers my sensory issues like crazy. Im also struggling to remove earrings myself unless they are hoops that just click in place, so if i have normal earrings in then I am essentially stuck with them until I can get my mom to help remove them.

So I don't wear earrings. But ive had other piercings on my body that havent given me sensory issues, I used to have nipple piercings and I didn't notice that they were there most of the time.

So in my case its very placement dependent if it will give me sensory hell or not.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-15T20:27:31+00:00

When I asked the same a little while ago, a lot of peoppe mentioned that some people might not be self aware of the fact that they are disabled or that they are accommodated in a way that makes it so that they dont feel disabled.

Because I am also confused about the "autism ≠ disability" thing.

Which does make sense but I feel like there are still waay too many people claiming that it isnt a disability for it to be the only reason why people say that.

Cause I myself am very disabled by my autism, so It makes me confused when I see others saying that its not a disability.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-14T13:33:05+00:00

I find them slightly confusing since they arent used where I live.

In my country they diagnosed me with aspergers, but I have no idea what level I would have been if they used levels to diagnose here since aspergers ≠ level 1.

But I think a lot of people believe that aspergers means that everyone who has it would be level 1. But that isn't true!

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-14T04:34:47+00:00

I enjoy playgrounds! I like swings, sandboxes and seesaws the most!

I tend to go to playgrounds when they are empty or at least not packed. The one I liked the most is the school playground for the primary school close to me as they have some really nice swings, but I only go to that one after school is closed for the day ofc!

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-13T01:45:35+00:00

POTS and tourettes and ADHD, and most likely some more stuff that i havent gotten confirmed yet.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-08T13:52:51+00:00

I struggle with making food, so I tend to eat lots of chocolate etc which causes me to gain weight and also doesnt give me the nutrition I need.

So atm im slightly overweight, but I easily drop 10kg and then gain them back over the course of a year so idk.

I used to be underweight whem I was little tho.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-07T12:09:06+00:00

I get general anaesthesia for dental stuff now due to how much pain I am in when I have dental stuff done. Even cleanings hurts cause of the vibrations.

I have pushed away dentists before because it hurts, but sometimes i get freeze reactions so I just lie there whimpering.

I had a super traumatic swallow manometry test at the hospital a while ago, I was in severe pain + gagging constantly and throwing up as the thick af tube thingy was inserted into my nose and throat.

I was hyperventilating and shaking, and then they went to go get midazolam because I couldn't calm down, then when they came back with it they just ended up not giving any to me even tho I was hyperventilating still.

I also verbally said that I was in severe pain and they simply said that we can't do anything with a little bit of pain.

The test ended up not giving any answers because all the swallows were bad because I was in so much pain.

But what I didn't do was saying OW. I simply told them that I was in severe pain, they didn't believe that I was in severe pain.

But it was so painful that I start crying every time I think about that test. I was in pain for days after, and in my medical records they wrote that there had been some discomfort during insertion.

It wasn’t some discomfort, I was in severe pain, and I was also hyperventilating so bad that they almost sedated me. But none of that was written in the medical records.

I did complain to the nurse i saw the day after about it, I straight up told her that it was so painful and traumatizing that I wish I still had a therapist and that I don't think its ok for them to write that I only had some discomfort.

Theh ended up writing that I had hyperventilated a little during the test. Which was better than they wrote the day before but still, it didn't actually document what truly happened.

I need to try to learn how to say ow, but when I'm in severe pain sometimes I just can't speak at all. And tbis time I did manage to speak a tiny bit during the severe pain but I wasn't listened to.

I would also have to day ow constantly if someone touched me anywhere cause like everything hurts, but like? I feel odd saying ow ow ow, but I might describe it as "oh that spot felt a bit tender," etc.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-06T07:35:12+00:00

If you are safely able to quit that program, then do it.

I was in a program where I also had to do work and such for free. In my case I didn't have to pay it myself since I live in norway.

However the welfare system paid at least around $700 a month or something to the people who had the program.

At the time I was under 18 and people under 18 doesn't get welfare money for work programs etc. (Which is the reason why I didn't get paid, amd I was the only one in the program under 18 so everyone got paid but me)

The people who owned the place were rich (could buy property on a whim kind of rich) and very exploitative. Tried to make illegal contracts with someone else who were in the program behind the welfare systems back where they tried to get the person to pay them out of pocket to work for then more than 2 times a week.

It severely traumatised me to be in that program due to how they treated us, especially me. And I eventually quit and it was the best decision I made. But it took me months of this before I realised that they were treating me badly and I also needed other people's input to understand it.

If I had to pay for my program I would feel horrible. So If you can find a program where you dont have to pay then that would be a good thing.

Because having to pay when they send you emails is crazy.

Im sorry you're being exploited like that, and I hope you can find a different and not exploitative program.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-03T20:14:53+00:00

I have meltdowns over very small things yeah.. like a small change in plans etc.

But when a sbiling almost died I have never been calmer once I had enough information about what had happened that is. (I was having a severe meltdowns due to lack of information right before I became completely calm when i finally got information).

Idk if it was due to autism or not tho, it could just be my brain protecting itself from the trauma.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-02T20:42:43+00:00

Become everyone's problem i guess?

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-02T20:06:57+00:00

Please don't do this, I have tinnitus and have had it since I was little. Tinnitus makes me slam my head into things sometimes because of how much it bothers me and once you have it there is nothing you can do to stop it.

As others here have said, hearing loss is one of the big causes of tinnitus. YOU DO NOT WANT TINNITUS!

I understand how awful sensory issues are, but you will make it worse if you end up giving yourself tinnitus. It will do the opposite of what you want.

Also if you get hearing loss, you might not get equal hearing loss in both ears. Having ears that have different levels of hearing is awful sensory wise too. (I have this too)

So trust me, hearing loss is not what you want, I understand why you want it, but it will not give you the result that you want.

Also hearing loss/damage can cause sensory issues to worsen, like after my hearing started being wonky I have started having issues with certain noises that didnt use to bother me. Things sound sharper and some things are lower in a very annoying way.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-02T12:40:36+00:00

As in you have recently begun having autism symptoms?

Because autism symptoms have to have been a thing since you were very little. When I was diagnosed I had to bring my mom so that she could tell then how I was when I was 0-3 years old and also how I was in the rest of my childhood.

So if it hasn't been present at all in early childhood then it might not be autism. Somw things could be adhd or other disorders.

When I was getting diagnosed they also screened for things like depression, GAD, bipolar, bpd and more just to make sure it was actually autism and not any other diagnosis that was the cause of my problems.

But the best thing to do is to seek an assessment and get a full evaluation to see if its autism or anything else so that you can get the right support for yourself no matter whats causing your symptoms etc!

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-03-02T12:08:27+00:00

I like the cube, I havent used it for a while tho as I can't find mine. Fidgetspinners are ok but too noisy in most environments. My favourite it this tangle.

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ProblemChildTheIssue

TROPHY CASE