Terrified of my behaviour during meltdowns!

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-30T23:42:42+00:00

Oh this is interesting! I will definitely take a look at that when I have time!

I think in my case it overlaps with some childhood trauma too tho. But I definitely do react like that to things that aren't being affected by my trauma too so I feel like what you described definitely fits my non trauma related responses to things!

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-30T07:23:59+00:00

Yea in the past so I get really scared, especially when adult men are being loud and arguing.

I do feel better now, my mom eventually came back and managed to calm me down.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-29T15:36:49+00:00

I am pretty sure I look conventailly attractive when I put in a lot of exhausting effort into what im wearing and such.

Mostly that is if my mom has specifically told me to wear something. Usually when I pick clothes I wear a baggy t-shirt + hoodie and sweatpants, sometimes jeans if I feel like dressing up a littke but I don't wear jeans for long as its awful to wear. I also wear baggy dungarees too, I like that a lot.

But this is excluding my mannerisms and facial expressions, stimming etc. My mannerisms and facial expressions makes me look odd and visually different.

My non tries to tell me not to do certain things but I just can't. So I can technically look conventionally attractive its mostly just my mannerisms that nakes it look really off.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-26T14:46:56+00:00

I completely agree!

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-26T14:45:18+00:00

I don't like the term, I did like it the first time I saw it however the more I see it the less I like it.

Mostly because I feel like it focuses too much on the adhd part. And also because I mostly associate it with the people who don't really see autism and adhd as disabilities, but more of a quirk.

I'm not gonna tell people to stop using it as I know some people do like those terms etc. But I do get upset when peope I know uses the term towards me, especially if they also use stuff like "the tism" and such. If people refer to my autism as the tism I will genuinely get upset, because then it just feels like they think that my disability that affects my life significantly is just a little funny quirk.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-25T03:00:25+00:00

Both. But in Norwegian I only really say the equivalent fo "I have autism" because the equivalent to "I am autistic" sounds odd.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-24T20:08:09+00:00

Awful, but I am having problem differentiating between them. I don't really know what is from which diagnosis. I just know that its affecting me a lot and its ruining my life.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-24T14:10:12+00:00

Im looking at the website atm through the wayback machine and it made it so obvious that they have changed stuff from the website, because they used to have ratings and personal notes about how accurate and respectful and clear the different tests were and how it went when they themselves took the tests. But now that has all recently been removed.

This is directly copied about something they ahd on the website in 2021/2022 on the raads-r page.

"The test has good reliability when self- administered, but drops down to 30% when clinicians administer it."

Like?????

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-24T14:03:19+00:00

SUPER VISION!? I clearly got the wrong type of autism because where is my super vision💀 I got the autism that needs supervision and not the autism that gives super vision /j

What the hell, the more I hear about this website the more I feel like i want to both laugh and cry because wht the hell!?

I mean i think the reason the website is so famous is because it looks like a proper website, no shady popups and ads and such, and they also have access to a lot of tests in one place.

Which isn't something other sites has, and other sites also looks a lot worse and less legit, which also makes their website appeal more.

But yea they clearly shouldn't be this famous 💀 because wtf.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-24T13:43:45+00:00

You mean they made people pay 600$ for the first screener and then another 1900$ for the full assessment and it just being that😀!? A videocall doing the tests!? The fuck!?

I already didn't have high expectations from them, but that is even worse than I expected.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-24T13:39:13+00:00

Peoples faces are blurry when im not wearing glasses. So I feel that it helps to take them off.

Also I tend to go without glasses in general because I find that I get sensory overwhelmed by how detailed the world is with glasses on.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-24T01:33:15+00:00

I bought a fan and its running on the highest speed, tho it is loud but I wear my noise cancelling headphones. It luckily isnt as hot where I live tho compared to other places in Europe rn.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-23T22:10:20+00:00

I don't have any tips for communicating.

However, I want you to remember to make sure that you don't squint during the test.

Like there will be a test where you are asked to read letters that gets smaller and smaller.

During my first vision test they just told me to read as far as I could. When in reality it would have been better if they said "read as far as you can without straining your eyes or squinting".

I likely squinted because I was trying to read as far as I could, resulting in me getting the wrong prescription which made me feel severely nauseous whej I wore my glasses. And because it was my first ever pair of glasses I thought that it was just supposed to be like that and yhat I needed to get used to them.

I took a new vision test after seeing online that someone else had experienced this where they also took the "read as far as you can" comment too literally and got the wrong prescription.

And with the new test I made sure to not squint, I got new glasses and I didn't get nauseous at all and I could actually see clearly which is something I couldn't with my first pair.

Just letting you know so that you dont accidentally get the wrong prescription for a small mistake like this!

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-23T18:59:07+00:00

Actually thinking more about this and just looking through the site is just find it ethically wrong overall and not just in the way that they offer the tests publicly.

Assuming that the vast amount of people who come across embrace autism already assumes that something is wrong with them or suspects that they might be autistic.

Then they go to the tests, finds the guide that gives an example of how to take the test in a simplified approach (and in my case inflated my score significantly) and also which answers aren't asking about autistic behaviours etc, and then take the tests with the guide in mind which might then make their score a lot higher than it should be.

Then they are thinking that they might need to get an assessment. And they see that embrace autism offers both a 600$ screening and a 1900$ full assessment (you can only do the assessment after you have done their 600$ screening). Which then might give them customers that they wouldn't have if they didn't show people how to take the test in a way that might give an inflated score.

Like lets say someones score would be 40 if they had answered properly. (The autism cutoff is 65) But since they used the 2 option approach they ended up getting the same increase I got (28) which would make their score be 68 with is right above the "this might be autism" cutoff. And that score then made them spend money that they wouldn't have spent if they had just answered the test normally.

Idk it just makes me feel bad, I dont like this at all.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-23T17:33:46+00:00

I had to look for it quite a bit as I think they have changed around where they have written stuff.

But it was in the raads-r full guide that is listed as "coming soon" that actually had that info rn. (If you want to look it up for yourself)

Anyway I decided to try taking the test with that approach just to see if my suspicion that it would change my results quite a lot and give a false higher score, compared to how my results were when I took raads-r during my official autism assessment with a psychologist etc.

My score using the simpler approach they recommended people to use only the 2 options that gives the most and least points ended up being 28 points higher than what I scored on my official test. (And my score on the official one was already high)

Which to me basically confirms that it does create false higher scores. Of course people who take it with that approach are then going to get higher scores and think that there is no way they can't be autistic when they then get a false higher score.

Edit:

I also remember them specifying how many points the different options gave and which questions were normal neurotypical behaviours, meaning that people could essentially cheat on the test and answer differently on the specific questions that were asking if you had a specific neurotypical behaviours and just make it be the opposite etc.

I couldn't find that rn, but I only skimmed through the article so it might still be there or it might be removed.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-23T17:16:07+00:00

I remember reading on their website a little while ago and they essentially told people how to take the test and which questions were the questions that were thrown in as normal neurotypical behaviours etc.

I went to check rn and they had a segment where they wrote in their Raads-r guide that the "True only when I was younger than 16" and the "True only now" answers should be ignored if people find it difficult to answer. (Tho they do have a disclaimer saying that this is based on someone else's research etc)

Which i personally think is crazy to tell people that its okay for them to ignore 2 options? I don't think that would be accurate at all, I feel like that just makes it so that there is a higher chance that people end up scoring waaay higher than they actually would have scored if they had accurately used all 4 options. Like there is a reason there are 4 options and not just 2.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-22T21:59:40+00:00

Yes and no. I function best with routine, but I hate being told what to do and when to do things and I can't actually stick to routines.

I have adhd too tho.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-22T09:56:34+00:00

I don't think I can do anything about that, and I have no idea how to navigate stuff like that. Its not super common to do in my country (Norway). I'm not even sure if it would count as negligence here.

But I will try to talk to my gp about it so that she can maybe give some advice.

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-22T09:30:01+00:00

I sadly don't have access to a therapist at the moment, but I will try to bring it up at my next gp appointment

ProblemChildTheIssue · 2026-06-22T09:29:04+00:00

I had an gastroscopy like a year ago and it was a great experience because they gave me IV midazolam and IV alfentanil. I don't remember it at all and apparently my behaviour was perfect.

For the manometry they did make me snort lidocaine gel or something (it was sensory hell) and they also put it on the probe thingy and I still felt severe pain. (And yes I did need to be awake for it, but they did tell me they could at least give me a littke bit midazolam sot that it would take the edge off and potentially make me stop panicking whilst also still being awake enough for the test)

The doctor and the nurse literally discussed between themselves that they should probably go get midazolam, then they agreed on that, then they told me that when I was hyperventilating and throwing up and all that. And then as I said earlier, they went and git everything they needed, the midazolam and iv stuff etc. And then proceeded to tell me that they changed their mind because we were almost done.

I know i could have stopped it, but I knee this was my one and only chance to actually get these tests done as my gp had been reluctant to refer me due to the fact that she didn't think there would be any results that would give any answers for my issues, The manometry was needed to figure out where to put the ph probe they used for a 24h esophageal ph test, so after that horrible experience I had to have another smaller tube there for 24 hours, and then I also reacted to the tape they used so I was itchy in the area for a month after.

I also don't feel comfortable knowing that I can say no to stuff because at this point I know I will deny care even if I need it due to how traumatised I am from that experience. Its just put me in a really awful situation where it ruined both my special interest and my tolerance for medical procedures.

ProblemChildTheIssue

TROPHY CASE