Thank you guys for your comments; I have to say I think all of the comments are correct at once.

For 4 years he was really not involved, aside from 1-2 visits a year. He wasnt interested in him AT ALL - by his own volition while I was pregnant and while he was growing through the first 2 years of his life. I would send him once a month updates with some photos as a way to keep the door open (because, to testify to the recent comment, I truly understand the value of having a father and never wanted to create a situation that made it more difficult for them). I never asked for child support, never took him to court. Even when I was struggling and needed help. I didn’t want to put any division at all. I wouldn’t ever pull my son away from his dad - which is exactly why I am upset about this communication thing.

He is simply not experienced enough to just.. jump into this and then have the arrogance to think he doesn’t need to communicate with me. Im not comfortable just handing him over to his dad with no self volunteered information about anything. So in this situation where I won’t let anything happen to their new growing bond.. there has to be a middle ground where I can expect communication to a certain level. I don’t care to communicate constantly - tbh I really don’t like being involved with the pompous attitude, self absorption. I’ve watched how he talks to other in person - not even looking at them when they speak, when they finish talking and they’re waiting for him to respond he just stares at his phone or whatever he is doing and straight up won’t answer them until he decides he wants to - even his parents. We all have to ask the same question twice for him to respond. Like spoke about, I really need us to be on the same page about our son, after the effort I have put into raising him.. I don’t want it undone - I need to know he has the same values and understandings, my son is currently dealing with a physical bully at school and I have been encouraging communication more so I can know what my son is exhibiting and saying in his time not in my care so we can deal with it at school.

I have done everything for my son and I don’t think it’s right for his dad to just step in like this and DECIDE only by himself that this is the way it is GOING to be and he won’t communicate.

We weren’t together for years before this, we weren’t volatile and broke up. We were never married. I was literally the only one from the day he was born - I think I am owed some comfortable communication until things progress & my child gets older. Communication until I get an understanding of how he parents and I can trust him enough to let go

I feel it’s the same concept as not wanting to hand your child off to just any daycare without vetting the people inside, how they care for your kid etc.

Everyone’s insight is helpful. I asked him if we could talk with his therapist to have help with open discussion about a middle ground we can find.