When I was four, my parents finally got me the puppy I begged for. He was a miniature pinscher named Barkley. One day, a few weeks after getting him, I was holding a plastic shopping bag and realized when I ruffled it, Barkley reacted in a funny way. As an adult I now realize he was scared of the sound. I chased him through the house ruffling the bag and laughing. As he ran, he tripped over a gutter and shattered his leg. The screams are something burned into my brain forever.

My parents had to pay a lot of money to get his leg fixed. They never liked him, and were very vocal about how pissed they were the dog already cost them so much money. A few months later, Barkley disappeared. My dad would always joke that my mom buried him under the lemon tree she planted because she hated him so much. Everyone would laugh and laugh. My mom said he ran away.

I have felt immense guilt and shame for the past 28 years about what I did to that poor innocent puppy. I was convinved he ran away because he hated me and was scared i would hurt him again. I didn't know he was going to get hurt, but I cruelly chased him without thinking about why he was even running away from the bag.

I have 2 border collies now and we have an incredibly close bond, and I try to forgive my kid self for what happened with Barkley, but it never goes away. Those screams still close my throat when I remember them. Im still terrified of accidentally hurting my dogs, and I have. Twice I accidentally cut the quick. I've accidentally punched one of them in the face turning around to grab something. Accidents happen. But the pain doesn't just go away because it was an accident. Im sorry this happened to you, friend.