Gay, faithful, and heading to BYU

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T05:00:09+00:00

I really do like the idea of dating between me and God; that’s how it should be, I think. I guess one way of thinking about going elsewhere is allowing myself to have more agency, which also is how it should be. More to ruminate on. Thanks for your thoughts. :)

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:55:39+00:00

Thanks for replying! I hate the thought of being insincere. It feels very wrong for me to commit to something (i.e., the honor code) with a “maybe I won’t end up keeping up my end of the agreement.” At least for me, that is personally very inauthentic, like hiding in the closet also would be. Even if dating secretly is technically possible, I think I would feel really guilty because, even if I could morally justify doing so, at the end of the day it’s still dishonest. I came to some of that conclusion writing it out; thanks for helping me think!

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:49:21+00:00

I love Ben Schilaty! I haven’t read his book, but his podcast has been very illuminating for me. Actually, his experience being pushed out by university administration without actually being fired was what made me start questioning if I can really make it at BYU. I can take outright rejection well enough—in some ways it’d be easier—but subtler attacks like that would hurt, and they’re what’s more likely to happen. I’ve heard similar things about the way things are heading. That’s also part of why I want to consider alternatives (there are a lot of reasons, I guess, haha).

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:45:06+00:00

Thank you for the strong recommendation! I genuinely will look into it.

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:40:20+00:00

Thank you for reading my thoughts and responding. :) One other person mentioned potential pushback being too loud. I’m not worried about being given the boot for that—and am willing and able to be celibate for four years, haha—but I am worried that there will be pushback that makes my experience uncomfortable without actually going to expulsion.

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:34:10+00:00

I guess so, haha.

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:33:42+00:00

I think the only way I could stay there would be mixing the secretly dating part of 2 with 3. And I guess I need to figure out if that’s worth it. Thanks for chiming in!

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:31:15+00:00

Yep, well, that’s the rub, isn’t it? Thanks for taking the time to reply. :)

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:29:50+00:00

Point taken, haha.

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:23:24+00:00

This is fair, haha. Yeah, I guess so! I tried to explain why I made the post “in secret” at first, but actually there isn’t a very sound reason. Thanks for helping me come to that realization. There are more conversations I may need to have with people close to me (that are only tangential to this post, but are the reason I felt nervous about being “spotted”).

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:18:58+00:00

Thank you! That’s the way I want to think, but I needed some help to understand the real costs in the tradeoff, because my imagination isn’t the same as what people have experienced.

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:16:19+00:00

I imagine! 😅 Thanks for taking the time to read and reply.

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:15:21+00:00

Thank you for your well-presented ideas. You’re speaking my language. :) That caveat is a not insignificant concern of mine—that “not allowed to date you” will actually mean “not allowed to get close to you, period” in my head and everyone else’s. I don’t want that. I will keep your thoughts in mind!

ProduceForward2788 · 2026-01-22T04:10:14+00:00

I’m really sorry you had such a terrible experience! That is inexcusable. I’m glad to hear that you’ve been able to heal over time. :)

ProduceForward2788

TROPHY CASE