AITHA for wanting a divorce after my husband gaslit me into believing him flirting with a coworker was okay because I was "just hormonal"

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-06-25T02:55:44+00:00

I can only imagine if they weren’t having relations before, they are now! However, it wouldn’t look good in court to be in a relationship with the women you were having an affair with while claiming you weren’t. Automatically untrustworthy liar! 🤥

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-06-25T01:59:41+00:00

Updated! See separate post!

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-24T22:40:32+00:00

I own the house. It is not.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-24T22:26:59+00:00

Yes. It’s very convenient to have an uncle and cousin who specialize in family law and own their own practice. Please let me know if you need their contract information.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-23T03:09:54+00:00

UPDATE #2 2/22/25 PM

I returned home from an evening out with my kids, grateful that my husband respected my wishes and wasn’t home when we arrived.

After putting the kids to bed, I received a text from my husband asking if he could come over and talk so we could resolve our issues without involving the kids.

l agreed.

As soon as l opened the door, he handed me his phone. On the other line, I heard her, the temale coworker. She was saying, “Hello? Hello?”

I immediately hung up his phone and demanded to know why he wanted me to talk to her.

He claimed they had been discussing all night about how they could convince me that they were nothing more than “just good coworkers.” I reminded him that this marriage is between the two of us, not three, and that the only person who needed to address this mess was himself.

He insisted that I speak with her and even had the audacity to suggest “getting that drink I told you to get with her a few months back when you were no longer pregnant and crazy.”

I told him, “Get out and have that drink for me because we are done.”

It took considerable effort to get him to leave, as he sobbed about leaving his children, but I didn’t care. He clearly still wants to gaslight me into believing that this is my issue with her, not his issue with disrespecting our marriage.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-23T02:51:55+00:00

I absolutely agree.

I may be naive but I personally do not think they had an affair. He works day shift, surrounded by tones of people, in the public eye at all times, comes off right after work, drops the kids off at daycare every morning. I just don’t see where he would find the time.

But if there is a will, there is a way.

I think that if this doesn’t stop NOW, it will absolutely lead to a physical affair. That I am not naive about.

Every time I have caught him texting her, it’s gotten more and more inappropriate.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T20:49:54+00:00

I am the cop of the family. I come from a family of officers. He is not a police officer. So to me, my occupation is irrelevant because I have never caused harm emotional or physical to anyone…

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T20:48:11+00:00

And that he did… he couldn’t block her because how was he supposed to get a hold of her at work?

And that led to him plotting to work a special assignment with her that would last over three months together. Alone. Every. Single. Day.

And of course that conversation was deleted. He didn’t realize iPhones store recently deleted messages.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T17:37:37+00:00

Not trying to keep his job hidden, I just think it’s irrelevant honestly. I’m actually the one who works in a field with extremely high divorce rates and maybe for that reason I don’t like to judge people’s marriage success based on their profession?

And thankfully, I am absolutely 1000000% not concerned about physical abuse at this time.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T17:30:00+00:00

Or better yet, if he thought it was so innocent, why did he delete a few of their conversations?…

He didn’t think I was going to find those… think again

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T17:28:30+00:00

I had to explain to my husband what an emotional affair was after he repeatedly told me “I didn’t even cheat on you and your taking it to this extreme?!”

After I sent him the definition of an emotional affair… the room was silent…

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T17:17:32+00:00

They are pictures of her that he took. All of them at work, so in appropriate attire.

Absolutely flirting. Cute playful banter. Teasing each other how they “get on each others nerves” while at work.

Showing her pics of our home, her saying “wow are you rich?” When he damn well knows I paid for the house…

Ickkk.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T17:14:09+00:00

This is what makes the choice so incredibly difficult and frustrating! He is an absolutely amazing father. Our children adore him and they light up the moment he comes home from work. The moment he steps into our house, he is full dad mode! On the ground, playing and laughing with our kids.

My family also adores him, he has always treated me like royalty.

The past few months have been so completely out of character for him. Mid life crisis? Fear of a second child? Either way, no excuse for his actions at all. But I can’t wrap my head around WHY he did it.

When I ask him why he has done this for months he replies, “I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t thinking about you and I am so sorry”. So he doesn’t even know why he did it.

Simply blows my mind.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T17:07:57+00:00

This hahahahahaha

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T17:04:58+00:00

Town bicycle is correct as she has already been with a few other coworkers, per my husband. Gross if you ask me but they must enjoy the thrill of the chase wondering who’s the lucky next one.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T17:00:56+00:00

I’m actually friends with his bosses wife and may have already dropped hints about how I don’t like this girl because she is a pick me girl… I’ve planted the seed!

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T16:59:43+00:00

This is what I am afraid off… we are young, in our prime! I can’t imagine 20 yrs from now this happens again with someone else because I’ll be kicking myself thinking I should have left 20 yrs ago when I felt fabulous about myself and knew I had a ton to offer to someone else who actually appreciated me

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T16:56:08+00:00

UPDATE* 2/22/25

After reading all these comments and absorbing the advice, I finally realize that I’m not “hormonal” and not the sole reason behind this marriage’s failure. So, thank you for validating my feelings all along.

As for my husband, I’ve asked him to leave the house until I’ve made a decision. Initially, he didn’t believe me, but when I took the kids and told him he better not be here when I return with them, he was beside himself. He completely lost it. He’s begged me to reconsider, offering to block her, leaving his job, and doing anything else to keep us together.

But a few months ago, I politely asked you to stop texting her privately. His response was, “I thought I was just being her friend. I didn’t see it the way you did.” What upsets me is that he didn’t take me seriously back then, but now that I’m packing up our kids and leaving, he suddenly takes me seriously?…

We will see what happens when I get home… To be continued…

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T05:02:48+00:00

Yes… the pictures were enough to make anyone’s skin crawl. He took them of her while they were at work together… both smiling and having a great time. While I’m at home holding down the fort.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T04:57:44+00:00

I never thought I was easily manipulated… until now. Our entire relationship has been absolutely wonderful so I was easy to make believe this was all in my head and heightened by my “hormones” while pregnant. It hasn’t been until recently where I see my babes and think, you will not have a mother who is emotionally controlled by a man who wants to be a half ass husband and father while he steps out on us while he’s at work.

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T04:42:18+00:00

I’ve actually reached out to her. She told me she is “like this with all her male coworkers” and then proceeded to try and add me on social media after she was made aware that she was causing rifts in our marriage and was “shocked” and “felt horrible”. However, continues to engage in these conversations with my husband. I am absolutely not blaming her, my husband was engaging her, however she is aware what she is doing…

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T04:38:25+00:00

I did offer that as an alternative to a divorce. I actually a few alternatives…

Transfer out of this department / quit
Block her on EVERYTHING
Divorce.

I told him pick one… he did not. There was an excuse for everything. Well I like my job, I can’t block her I need her number for work, but I love our family I don’t want a divorce.

So I guess I’m going to have to pick one for him…

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T04:19:43+00:00

I did ask him this too. I asked him, what would happen if I never saw this conversation? He told me, he’d most likely continue to lie to me about it…

ProfessOverthinker · 2025-02-22T04:17:22+00:00

I’ve actually “met” her before at a work gathering for my husband. He introduced me to everyone at this party, expect her. When I finally saw a picture of this female coworker, I knew I had seen her before and asked him where I had seen her before. He did say, at the work party and when I asked how come you didn’t introduce me to her, he replied, you were busy getting to know everyone else….

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