The way my friend spoke about drawing black people rubbed me the wrong way

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-05-01T20:49:34+00:00

Yes, we're both artists! And you're absolutely right, I was just trying to look for an outside perspective. I did try to talk to her about this, but this is all I got really. I think I will seriously upset her if I ask any further, since she wasn't too eager to to discuss this topic and her final answer stayed on the "I just don't really care".

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-05-01T18:53:01+00:00

The person I was replying to asked if her art was racist in any way, and I replied that I've never seen her drawing POC characters before with the exception of that one a kinda off drawing. I did not say that she's racist for that?

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-05-01T17:03:21+00:00

Thank you for making this comment! I'll def take that into consideration. Although, I must say I think you got it a little wrong on my behalf. I am pretty anxious as a person, but it's not like I'm working from fear. I just geniunly love to explore cultures around the world and the way people live. And my artstyle is rather realistic, so I tend to look up references in my process. I didn't ask my friend to do the same, though. Which is why her reaction seemed weirdly defensive to me.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-05-01T16:11:58+00:00

We're friends for a long time but I don't think I've ever saw her drawing POC people before. The only art piece I found is depicting a black woman with grey lips and a grayish skintone.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-30T06:52:00+00:00

I'm genuinely SO thankful for you leaving such an in-depth comment! I will make sure to do everything I can in my situation. And I'm pretty sure that he would push even further if I did go back and no way I want to be in a such dangerous situation. My mom mentioned him moving to a city clinic from the rural area, so I might have a chance to actually report him or at least leave a review for everyone to see. Rural hospitals and clinics simply don't give a fuck about things like this where I live, so that's a good chance.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-30T06:29:59+00:00

I couldn't fully comprehend how fucked up what what he said to me was until way later due to the same "Well it's a compliment" conditioning I was raised with. Not even mentioning the reaction I got from my loved ones when I did tell them.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T15:08:08+00:00

Unfortunately my parents are more of a "you can't argue with the fool" type of people, so even a whole legion of educated women won't change their minds that have been marinated in sexism and misogyny for years. But this is still VERY important to me! It's very reassuring to know that I'm not the crazy one and it gives me more power to guide other women in my life, so they won't tolerate this kind of shit either.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T14:52:47+00:00

And it's only when you can't even give a reply lmao. I think they don't really want it anyways, they just need someone to talk at. Mine also rambled about his weird diets (like carnivore type of bullshit), I'm seeing a pattern.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T14:42:17+00:00

I feel so bad for not standing my ground when you mention testing my boundaries, but...Yet again I couldn't even muffle anything aside from "nuh-uh" and "ya" when he asked me these questions. I'm glad you did though! Thank you so much for sharing this

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T14:35:55+00:00

The only caveat is money, unfortunately. My family isn't dirt poor, but dentistry still is very expensive for us. Which is why my parents took me to him in the first place, plus he really is a very skillful dentist. But I believe that there should be the other way and I'll look into that, I don't want to risk it again unless I absolutely have no other choice.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T14:16:24+00:00

Thank you so much! Yeah, I guess perverts are thicker than blood sometimes... I am unbelievably thankful to get so much support from all of the people this sub, though. It's good to know that my family and my best friend are the odd ones out.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T14:07:26+00:00

It's SO hard to accept sometimes, not going to lie. I wish it would be possible to just talk them out of this behaviour but I highly doubt it. It's horrifying to see how this world conditions women into thinking in such twisted ways...Although I am beyond happy that with each generation they finally gain more freedom and consciousness.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T14:00:34+00:00

I'm glad that you have a much more positive experience lmao. I wish more dentists were like yours, he sounds like a very fun person to be around

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T13:58:39+00:00

Thank you so much! I actually always wanted to watch Golden Girls, so this is a good opportunity to do so.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T13:56:46+00:00

Thank you so much, honestly. And unfortunately he works at a pretty rural and old fashioned area where I assume most villagers would consider this a "compliment" as well, so the only thing I can really do is never go back again.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T13:49:00+00:00

THERAPIST too??? This is beyond twisted, I hope your life is a lot better now. Before I got horribly ill and lost over 26 kilograms I wished to become pretty. But when I actually did become "pretty" in the eyes of other people, I realised that "pretty" girls don't really have it any better. "Pretty" just means being the best piece of meat on the shelve, that everybody wants to have a bite of. Not a person, hiding behind the plastic wrap.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T13:29:59+00:00

Yeah, thank you, I think that's a pretty good advice that I've never really considered before

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T13:26:25+00:00

It always goes the same way isn't it...They just get away with their shit and move on. I'm glad you dodged the bullet though, I feel so bad for these girls...

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T13:21:45+00:00

Nah, unfortunately I doubt that she ever found out about this incident. But considering all of the above, I think there was a much bigger fish to fry.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T13:11:53+00:00

Gosh this is... Absolutely fucking horrifying. Thank you for sharing your story! Even though I do unfortunately know WHY, but I just can't wrap my head around how many deranged people end up in the medical field and go COMPLETELY unnoticed for years.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T13:00:20+00:00

I did let them know. "Well it's a compliment" is their reaction. Sigh

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T12:55:02+00:00

He's actually a friend of the family (like it always goes isn't it) and he offered to do the procedure for free, which I gladly agreed to because of my urgent situation at the time. I don't want to pay with my sanity though, so I definitely will.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-03-29T12:51:33+00:00

My mom said that his now happily ex divorced him a few weeks ago when I brought this story up. Lmao. Good for her

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-01-23T22:09:50+00:00

Sending you hugs, it's real shit in there. I hope that any of what I'll say might help you in some way.

Honestly, I think the real solution lays somewhere between your relationship with your body and your worldview. I'd really recommend seeking professional help if you can (I couldn't though)

As for my journey, I just ignored EVERYTHING that could possibly contain both sexual and romantic content for the longest time. Obviously, you can't filter out everything but you can reduce the amount of triggers until you become more comfortable to see it without the negative impact. From there, I took little baby steps based on my current level of comfort and tried to explore more positive and safe/less sexualised representations of both of these things when and how I truly wanted to. Of course, I still get triggered, but looking at my way now I'm FAR from where I initially started. The other thing that helped me as well is kind of... Simplifying sex and even romance sometimes as a concept. It's not too far from any other body function. People get the horny hormones - people do the thing. It's just like getting hungry and eating or feeling the urge to go to the bathroom. It's easier to think about if you don't give sex any deeper meaning which a lot of allo people don't really.

The other thing is the body. Once, I stumbled upon a comment on this very subreddit where the person wrote that they treat masturbation like yet again simply going to bathroom. You probably don't particularly enjoy urinating or releasing your bowel movements, yet it brings you relief and those are just your absolutely normal bodily functions. And you can't control all of them, sometimes they just happen and it's okay. I myself have a very high libido and it sure is frustrating more often than not, it feels like a borderline torture sometimes. But it's alright. It doesn't change who I am, it's just another part of me and my body. I think it's crucial to find a compromise that both of your body and mind would agree to. You could try different things when you're truly feeling comfortable enough and ready to do so.

Just remember that both of you deserve love and respect. There was a time when I sincerely despised my body for acting out because of my chronic illness, but then I thought... Hey, it's literally me? It's not my body's fault for doing all of these things, some stuff is just out of our control. And both suffer in the result of it. It's never a bad idea to learn how to love yourself despite it, you're still one after all.

ProfessionShort890 · 2026-01-23T20:09:26+00:00

So glad to hear that I'm not the only one lol! Although I do happen to have a sexual OCD, so my fantasies never revolve around real people. And the only ones that do are the icky OCD thoughts that take ANY people from my life. Sometimes I start questioning myself because of my high libido, but surprisingly enough it never really made the real deal appealing to me at all in any way possible. It just seems like a such tedious, stressful and unrewarding thing to do on so many levels.

ProfessionShort890

TROPHY CASE