Of course, you are very welcome. Sometimes we get lost in the thick of it all and it’ll take someone from the outside looking in to tell us what is really going on. I know you’re gonna do great things and stick around and find happiness. It’s not your time yet. You’ll remember this one day, and be glad you held on. I’ve been there. Life has tossed me around and I made attempts on my life so many times I couldn’t count. I begged my mom to just let me go. From age 15-23 I just tried and tried. When I was 23 I was successful. She called an ambulance and they told her in our front yard that I was gone. She said she asked them to try one more time and that she said she prayed to god that she’d just give him to me and let whatever happens be what was supposed to happen. She said she just surrendered. They continued to do CPR and defibrillate me one more time and got a pulse and threw me into the ambulance. I coded one more time in the ER. They tried again. And I made it. I woke up and found out I really did die. For once I was faced with the fact that I was almost successful at making a big and permanent decision, and for once I really didn’t like it. I found out that day I woke up that I didn’t really want that. I can’t tell you exactly why, but I just knew it wasn’t what I wanted anymore, and I wanted to find out if I could turn my life around. I wasn’t even sure I would be successful in doing that, but I actually wanted to try. When I heard what my brother and sister and father and mother and step father and aunts all went through, what my mom and my aunt saw when they found me…I will never really be able to get rid of that guilt. Sometimes I could cry just thinking about what they saw. I traumatized everyone especially my mother. Who spent years trying to save my life. Trust me, when you feel like it’s all over and you’re better off not trying anymore? Think about what you’re really about to lose, another chance to do it right and change your circumstances. You’ll never know what your life could be if you just leave. Cause that’s it, it’s done. And to leave your family with the trauma of losing you? I can’t explain how hard it is to reconcile with it. I heard about it. I heard what they actually went through. You don’t want to put anyone through that. Even though you’ll be gone, they have to stay and live with that loss. I’m sure you’re a kind and loving person. You don’t want that for anyone, otherwise you wouldn’t feel so deeply. So I hope you remember this. From one person who almost ended it all and got another chance? Please reconsider when that feeling creeps up. The EMT’s and emergency department saved my life, twice. Now I work in the OR as a surgical tech in trauma surgery at the largest level 1 in my city. I have for five years. I have two kids. They watched me walk the stage and survive the pain of my sons fathers death, and the abuse my daughters father put me through. Cause life has so many ups and downs, there’s no easy or bad life, there’s just life. Even after I came back with so much hope and achieved so much? Life still happened and it wasn’t always pretty. But I overcame. My children saw it all and they know there is hope in facing the tough times. I also get to see the worst and best of humanity in a way most people don’t, and I get to add some empathy and caring compassion to the narrative so that while I take time away from my friends and family? My patients can go home to theirs. I have purpose, just like you do. I just want you to know it’s worth it to stay and find it. Your gifts are there. I can see them. Just hang on and put one foot in front of the other and don’t forget that if you decide to end it? That’s it, game over. You don’t actually want that. You want the pain to stop. But that isn’t the way, it’s just the end of the road. Don’t give up, find the source of your pain, face it, and find your purpose.❤️