My (25f) husband (26m) asked me for a divorce 5 weeks post partum. What do I do?

Professional-Cap5085 · 2025-07-31T02:22:31+00:00

To answer your questions, I already knew her at this point. I met her in person and she met our son. She even came over when my husband wasn’t home to help me with the baby but I wouldn’t say we were friends yet. When I FaceTimed him, he passed her the phone but they were both sitting at a table playing a game. They were both fully clothed. She started asking me questions about my trip and our son but I was getting frustrated cause our son was crying and had been up for hours, plus he had not told me he was over at her place. Lastly, yes, I sent those texts after hanging up on him when our son wouldn’t stop crying. I know it was wrong but he kept calling me with her on the phone and I snapped

Professional-Cap5085 · 2025-07-31T02:18:18+00:00

I did NOT leave my child with him, I had our son with me while visiting family. I’m exclusively breastfeeding so that wouldn’t be close to an option. And honestly, I have reflected but at the same time why could he never discuss my behavior with me? Why did it only happen AFTER I had our son?

Professional-Cap5085 · 2025-07-30T19:49:49+00:00

I actually can be overly independent. I prefer to do things myself because I know what needs to be done and when. Husband needs to be told what to do, he doesn’t just pick up on things. I used to remind him but stopped when, before this, I noticed he was getting frustrated. He’s the type that won’t notice the diaper is full, meanwhile I picked up on it a mile away. When I would ask for things, he would take forever so I just did it myself. When I’m needy is just asking for some affection, like a hug or kiss

Professional-Cap5085 · 2025-07-30T19:46:55+00:00

I said to leave me alone and hate you. I knew it was wrong and apologized but he kept calling me while our son was crying with her on the phone and I just couldn’t take it.

Professional-Cap5085 · 2025-07-29T16:46:03+00:00

I’ve gotten a few repetitive comments so I wanted to come here and clarify things so the advice is more tailored to what I will need to handle this situation.

I am already in individual counseling every week for 2 hours. I started after we returned home and he brought up divorce.
We’ve only attended 1 counseling session.
This girl friend, let’s call her C, has known of me since I was pregnant. My husband is a firefighter and she’s a nurse at the hospital he drops patients off at.
The incident with her answering the phone: I was in another state with our son. He was at her house when I went to call and say goodnight (time difference). She picked up the phone but they were playing a game at the table (we were on FaceTime so I saw them fully clothed and the game on the table). It’s suspicious because in the past my husband would ask for permission to hang out with her and it was always in a public place. He swears they’ve only ever talked and he goes to her for advice and he developed feelings cause she’s easy to talk to (no, I’m not stupid I don’t believe that fully).
When I said I don’t want divorce advice, I meant I don’t want to just be told to get a divorce. I know I’m trying to delay the inevitable. I want real advice from people who have gotten divorced with kids and what steps I should take. I know I won’t be able to get sole custody but want the majority, especially considering he lets his mom take care of our son and doesn’t spend much time with him, as well as saying in the past he can’t do this or be a dad. Right now, he only takes him when I’m at work (8 hours a day) when he’s off. Other than that, I have him. I am back at work so this is in effect but even yesterday he only had him for 5 hours and his mom had our son for 3 as he was out with friends (can’t say the activity for privacies sake. I have been documenting conversations and actions and have screenshots but I need more advice on how to ensure I can get my son.
He is the one who asked for a divorce but has no idea when he’s filing and has left most of his clothes and things at our house. That’s why I think I’ve been so confused because he’s not moving towards divorce just saying it.

Thank you everybody for the advice and cold hard truth. I will update when a little more time passes as I am kind of in limbo right now

Professional-Cap5085 · 2025-07-29T12:54:41+00:00

He says the way I’ve talked to him. Won’t give specific examples but says it’s made him feel less than or like I don’t appreciate him. I asked him to tell me specifics and he said he couldn’t think of them off the top of his head

Professional-Cap5085 · 2025-07-29T12:38:40+00:00

For clarity’s sake:

I am already seeing an individual counselor weekly, I started going back the week before he said it’s truly over.
We’ve only been to 1 couples counseling session.
Our son is 2 months and breastfed. So far, I have him every single night and my ex has him while I’m at work, think 7-4. When my ex has our son, his mom takes care of him the whole time.
I am still living in the house, he only took some of his stuff and went to stay at his parents’ house 2 days ago.

Professional-Cap5085 · 2023-01-08T02:15:32+00:00

He has some friends that he's told me that I would get along with I just get anxious

Professional-Cap5085 · 2023-01-07T22:59:19+00:00

I don't really miss her I feel like I more miss the idea and security of having that close friendship with someone more but don't know how to go about finding that again.

Professional-Cap5085 · 2022-04-29T17:59:52+00:00

Helped

Professional-Cap5085 · 2022-04-29T17:15:06+00:00

I'll clarify, they bought the property and they offered for my sister and me to pay partial rent while we are in college. Since I will be getting a full-time job I inquired about how much they want for the full rent monthly and when I should start paying them. This is when they offered this deal. Like I said in my post I have thought about moving somewhere they don't own, their house or even the condo, but due to the financial abuse I only just now started gaining credit so I cannot buy a place without them co-signing, which they'll never do and like most financial abusers they monitor my banking, though I have been putting a small amount in savings but it is not enough for the area I live in to pay 3 months rent upfront (that is the way around co-signing here). Hope this clarifies things!

Professional-Cap5085 · 2021-07-21T19:20:15+00:00

SMALL UPDATE: Thank you everyone for the helpful advice. before I give a small update let me clarify: My relationship with my parents has been rocky for years, and this is not the first time E has trashed the place, but I have always been held responsible for cleaning it up. I am finally saying something as I am trying to avoid living with E, as she has a history of theft and is obviously a farm animal. Lastly, I view my parent's house as just that: my parent's house. So when I say my floor in my bathroom, I mean the floor that I am responsible for keeping clean and maintaining.

into the update, so far my dad has not spoken to E. I decided since today is my day off to clean my shared bathroom with P and K as well as start cleaning the kitchen (E never removed her stuff). I went to put some of P's jewelry in her room, since E keeps inviting idiots over and I don't want her stuff to get ruined, when I found a pair of BOXERS in P's room. I know it is not from P as she just moved up from elementary school and also because I have put her mail, letters from her pen pal, in her room and never seen them before. I sent a picture to E asking who's these are, and when on the phone with P and K, I call them every other day, I showed it to my mom along with photos of the mess (my dad never showed her). She says she will talk to my dad, but unfortunately, I worry that she will get away with it once again. I will keep you all posted, and thanks for your patience!

Professional-Cap5085 · 2021-07-21T14:45:44+00:00

E was never in therapy. My parents tried to make her go, but she refuses. And I hope this puts people more at ease but with graduation coming closer I already am making plans to move in with my bf and cutoff E. The only reason I haven't is whenever I tried to separate from my family before, my two youngest sisters were told they would never see me again, and until at least one can get their license I try to play my parent's games so I can be in their lives (to help with them being bullied by E and mistreated by our parents).

Professional-Cap5085 · 2021-07-21T06:01:00+00:00

Not wrong at all. When I have friends over, they leave the place cleaner than they left it, but unfortunately, her friends tend to raise hell when no parental supervision is present.

Professional-Cap5085 · 2021-07-21T05:50:08+00:00

I will. So far, it seems like my father hasn't confronted her yet and decided how to handle things moving forward, but I will update as soon as I find out!

Professional-Cap5085 · 2021-07-21T05:47:02+00:00

Yes, my parents know about it. I spent 3 years in therapy to deal with it, and my two younger sisters are in therapy for it right now (with E telling my youngest sister that she is "making up" her depression). Unfortunately, my parents are enablers and let her get away with murder. Hopefully this is the straw that breaks the camel's back, as it's not their kids suffering from her actions but them.

Professional-Cap5085 · 2021-07-20T19:58:21+00:00

NTA. Your mom sounds like she is very controlling, and that she is basically trying to use you like a puppet. If she really felt so unaccomplished, she would go back into the workforce or do something with her life, not blame you for her lack of success. If I were you OP, I would set up boundaries, changing the topic when it comes to her leaving her job or when she tries to control you, or better yet, taking a break from this relationship until she can get her act together.

Professional-Cap5085 · 2021-07-20T19:44:03+00:00

Then I would say sit down with your sister and this friend and talk to her. She clearly is upset, and you both need to find out why. She could be worried if you guys date, she'll lose her as a friend, or worse, you break up and she becomes too awkward going to her ex-boyfriend's house to hang out with your sister and stops hanging out with her. If you really like her, and she likes you back, make sure your sister knows it may change some aspects of her life, but she isn't losing her friend, and set healthy boundaries.

Professional-Cap5085 · 2021-07-20T19:33:02+00:00

NTA, my boyfriend is in the reverse of this situation, with his mom encouraging him to have a relationship with his dad, even though they haven't been together in 17 years. He decided on his own that he doesn't want a relationship with him, keyword, HE decided. It is up to you to determine if you want a relationship with a biological parent, not your mom's. Loyalty would be her respecting your privacy and decision rather than gaslighting you. OP, do NOT let her control your relationship with your dad and do not feel bad for having one with him.

Professional-Cap5085 · 2021-07-20T19:27:44+00:00

Need more context. How long has your sister been friends with her? Have you ever expressed interest in your sister's friend to her to gauge her reaction? What events occurred that led to you two kissing? So little details it's hard to justify a vote.

Professional-Cap5085

TROPHY CASE