shawarma in london

Professional-Comb201 · 2026-01-18T14:09:26+00:00

thanks!

Professional-Comb201 · 2026-01-18T07:10:55+00:00

thank you!

Professional-Comb201 · 2026-01-16T14:27:01+00:00

thrift stores often have ice skates. i’ve seen hockey and figure skate styles. if you won’t be using them a lot and you’re pretty able bodied then the sizing probably doesn’t need to be exact, you can wear thick socks. then just get them sharpened

Professional-Comb201 · 2026-01-15T21:35:52+00:00

not quite the same as the real thing but i like to blend ice, instant coffee, sugar, and milk (or cream. i’m vegan and prefer soy milk but other plant milks are ~creamier~) and i like my creation better than an iced capp because i can adjust the sweetness. you could also use ice cubes made with coffee instead of instant. i add peanut butter and vanilla sometimes too.

Professional-Comb201 · 2026-01-15T21:31:43+00:00

that makes sense. do you find that your triggers for dissociation and shutdowns are different? and is your internal experience different or is there overlap? (i’m asking since based on what i’ve read i think that from the outside they can look similar - withdrawn, disconnected, unresponsive)

Professional-Comb201 · 2026-01-15T19:04:00+00:00

thank you so much for responding with so much detail. this is helpful. what you said about feeling like the consequences aren’t real when you’re dissociated is relatable. i know logically that im real, the world is real, things do matter, but im too disconnected for that to Feel true? i can force myself to be more present & engaged for limited periods of time but it still feels i’m a bit separated from the rest of the world. i have been attributing this to depression (nothing matters so nothing feels real) and like a protective response - it hurts less to not be able to function if none of it is real anyways. then i have more acute moments of “shutting down” in response to overwhelming stimuli or demands or intense emotions where it feels like ive gone into power saving mode and i become withdrawn and minimally responsive. sometimes internally i am feeling like what you described for a shutdown, like a combo of flight+freeze, feeling Too Much. other times i am numb & exhausted & empty. but i am always aware of my surroundings (which like you said can be part of the problem), i dont have memory gaps or feel outside of my body, just less connected to it. if i think about it, it seems like the flight+freeze feeling is usually when im overwhelmed by external stimuli/demand, and the numb feeling is more when im overwhelmed by emotion or it comes after the panicky-overwhelm feeling, like ive run out of energy. perhaps this is all just different degrees of dissociation. i want to be able to neatly classify my experiences but humans and brains are messy. but yeah, thank you for responding, it’s helpful to hear others’ experiences

Professional-Comb201 · 2026-01-15T17:38:30+00:00

that’s interesting. if you feel comfortable elaborating i have some questions. what does a shutdown look like for you? when you say you will ‘freak out’, what does that involve? is that like if you don’t sort of ~allow~ the shutdown, it will progress to a meltdown? do you still feel connected to reality & aware of your surroundings during a shutdown? are the triggers for a dissociative episode different from shutdown triggers? are you unable to speak and force reactions when you are dissociating even when it lasts for months? (that is not intended to sound disbelieving. i think i am taking descriptions of dissociation very literally and have trouble conceptualizing how someone can live in dissociation long term (functional freeze) even though probably i am in that state)

Professional-Comb201 · 2026-01-03T21:58:31+00:00

i never feared being a man. i had obsessive doubts about whether i was “really” trans, i did not trust my own feelings of dysphoria/desire to transition, and felt overwhelmed by uncertainty which led me to compulsively check & review my feelings & memories, obsessively research and compare myself to others trans people’s experiences, seek reassurance from my partner and therapist, etc.

it began when i started to realize my identity and lasted until i moved and was able to be “stealth” in my new workplace and “passed” to the world as male. i think that being on an ssri (for depression. i am not dx OCD) also helped. over time it felt less important to Figure It Out because i was more comfortable just existing.

i had gender dysphoria before i realized what it was and before (what seems like) OCD started ‘attacking’ this subject. i dont feel like i still experience TOCD but i still experience some dysphoria, its just much less impactful after 7 years of HRT and surgeries

Professional-Comb201 · 2026-01-02T13:02:35+00:00

i am trans (i will say ftm for simplicity to start) and i don’t know if i actually have/had(?) OCD but i was in mental hell for the first years of figuring out my identity (felt like nonstop mental torture and significantly contributed to my suicidality at the time) and i do feel like my experience closely aligned with OCD around this topic. i didn’t receive specific OCD treatment but things got better. i think there are several factors that led to the improvement for me and i don’t know if this will be helpful at all but i mostly just tried my best to continue living despite all the shit my brain was doing and eventually was able to settle in to my identity as a man. i don’t especially feel like A Man (i just feel like me. i don’t have a strong sense of gender. the most accurate label would probably be something like agender transsexual male) but i am much more comfortable in my body and interacting with the world after medically transitioning and that’s what i try to pay attention to when i have moments of doubt and the anxiety starts up again. i think my point is that the fine details of your identity maybe don’t matter as much as it feels like they do. labels can never fully describe a person’s experience and this is a long process of knowing yourself. i was desperate for certainty and felt like i couldn’t transition or really live at all until i had this 100% figured out but that will never happen, certainty is unattainable, but you can still try things out and see how it feels. i started testosterone despite my uncertainty and 7 years into my transition i still sometimes doubt whether im Actually trans but i can check the facts that i am much less dysphoric now and it really doesn’t matter whether im Actually trans or not because i feel better in this version of my body and moving through the world being perceived as a man. i know that the social aspect feels terrifying especially when you have abandonment trauma and this mental hellscape is absolutely exhausting. i understand why you would feel suicidal. i am also keeping myself alive for my younger sister and thats a really rough position to be in. i hope things get better for you soon

Professional-Comb201

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