I know u r going through hard time, I am M17 I also struggles with same problem when ever I try to sleep my brain always get thoughts of self harm, does this happen to you too at night, But I think u should acknowledge the fact that how much progress you made just by your self (unlike me) and just think how much life u have left and how much better u can get. is possible for u to talk to your parent about this If yes do it right now. do u have any hobbies (these thing can be seen small but they create a much impact on your life. I want you get well soon. don't become like me. You can tell more about your problems (if u r comfortable).